I'm Alive and Well

Hi there. My blogger friend Marge from Road Sage was worried about me and asked me to let everyone know I'm ok. I am ok.

Since Haleigh's been out of school I keep very busy. And I'm a little tired of blogging, it is true. I've seen bloggers do that and delete their blogs and that is that but I won't do that as this blog records my life through thick and thin for the last few years and I know myself well enough to know I'll be back to it soon. SO don't give up on me.

What is happening with me is just what I hoped would happen. I am beginning to gain a little confidence in myself again. When life beats you up a bit, you get a little unsure of yourself and everything and everyone around you.

Also I lost my passion for life for a while there. Still that's not all back but I do see hope for that to return.

I'm healing and I am living with a family where we all love each other very much and life is good.

So Marge, I am ok. I am better than ok, I am just doing what I want, when I want, where I want. I've never been able to do that!

I am healing and growing and will soon be ready to go back into the world because I have to work, and I want to as well.

I am still reading my favorite blogs.

So, there you have it.

I'll be back,

Love,

Robbin

P.S. I'm back to making jewelry and I'm posting some of the pieces so far. I've some ideas on selling it so stay tuned!

The Sound of Silence

This is the first morning I've awaken in nearly four months not hearing the footsteps and voice of a certain little girl. Haleigh and her mom left for their Georgia vacation last night and are safely there now as I type. SO it is just Matthew and me for the next two weeks. He will be working and so mostly it is just me on my own, with my little dog Sweetie of course. I have lots to keep me busy today. I've got dishes to do and laundry and I need to go to the grocery store so today will fly by. After that , we'll see.
It is a time for some self reflection and time to think about what I want to do in the future. After all, I can't pretend to be an eight year old forever. But for now it sure is fun.
Hope you all have a good week,
Love,
Robbin

Hello There

I have to admit that I've fallen victim to Facebook and in doing so my blog suffers. Although I don't post so much there, it is easy to keep up with my family and friends there and I always have a Scrabble game going and I play a couple of other games there that takes up time that I probably used to use on my blog. Also it is easy to just put a short status on the Facebook page instead of writing a post on the blog. But tis the way of the world I guess, it is constantly changing and we are always moving on to something different.
I'm not going to give up the blog just yet but recently my heart has just not been into it and you know how that goes.
Tomorrow Haleigh and Amy leave for their two week vacation to Georgia. I am going to so miss them. Haleigh has become my shadow since school has let out. Yesterday she and I beached combed and found lots of good stuff to look at and to bring back home with us. AND then she painted my nails. Florescent green with hot pink tips and a pink polka dot on each one!

Too funny. She is so much fun. And for now I'm soaking up all the time I can get because in a few years she won't have too much time for me I know.
AND my biggest best news is that in a little over a week my friend Tammy that I've not met in person is coming to visit family here in my town and she and I will get to spend time together and I am so so so excited! I can't wait. Tammy has been my inspiration and I met her here when I needed her the most. She was with me through the chemo and the grieving. Once she had my phone number she'd call me just when I was needing to hear from someone. She made me know how strong I was, she shared her own thoughts and feelings with me, she was just there for me when other people weren't. And so meeting her is going to be so wonderful because at last I can give her that hug I've been wanting to for a year now!

Happy July 4th!

I have a thing for old pick up trucks so I snapped this one today while on the Suquamish Indian Reservation.

As an observer of people and someone who has a love for Native American culture I treasure anytime I get to go to a reservation. There is a calmness, a carefree attitude there yet the respect for all living things shines through.

We visited this place, Rain Bear Studio

The lady that owns the place was very colorful and interesting. She was not Native American but Canadian. And her name was Rainey Daze, I kid you not! I enjoyed visiting her studio and promised to come back and visit again when I get back into making jewelry again.
I had a good day today. I hope you did too!

Just Stuff

Man has it been rough in the entertainment field this week. We lost Ed Mcmahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. That was a pretty big hit, famous people wise I'd say.
Here at our house the big news is that I taught Haleigh how to play the card game rummy and she is now obsessed with it and has learned it so well that she is beating the heck out of me almost every time!
Amy got interested in the Twilight story and is now finishing up the last of the books. There were four of them I think.
And Matthew is working a second job as security at a Rodeo. He left not too long ago in his cowboy garb looking like a true cowboy!
Amy and I decided since there was not a man to feed tonight we wouldn't cook, just eat what we wanted of what we already have. Women can do that you know.
And that is about all that is going on around here at the moment.
Haleigh has a spend the night guest so I'm off the hook as far as rummy is concerned at the moment.
Amy is reading, Haleigh is entertaining and I'm watching TV, all is well in our world.

I'm Still Here

I'm not so in to blogging lately. You know how that goes. Sometimes you have lots to say and sometimes you just don't.

Nothing too exciting going on with me lately. Haleigh is out of school and two days a week it is just the two of us until her parents come home from work. We've had fun so far.

Yesterday the tide was way out and we donned our rubber boots and beached combed. We found huge star fish and what maybe was jelly fish and big crabs and crab parts and big sheets of green slimy sea weed.

Also I've been making muffins. I'm glad this family shares my love of muffins. Today we have Raspberry Lemon muffins and Orange muffins.

In a few weeks Amy and Haleigh will leave for their visit to Georgia. They'll be gone for two weeks. Man will I miss them.

All is well. I am not missing those hot days in Georgia. I still have days when I just want to cry and cry and Jonathan's birthday is Sunday. For a year I've not allowed my brain to concentrate on the moment when that trigger was pulled. Lately that's what I tend to go to. I worry that he felt it and hurt, I worry that he regretted it the moment he did it. I try to stay away from those thoughts but it occurred to me that maybe I need to think it all through to be able to move forward but it hurts too badly.

ANYHOW......enough of that. My life is full of laughter and sunshine and salt water and ocean smells and is filled with love from the people I live with. WHO could ask for anything more? I do wish to find a friend though, someone my age, another woman to talk to. Guess I have to get out in to the world for that to happen huh? ALL in good time.

Hope you are all well.
Love,
Robbin

I got to do some more exploring yesterday and take a look at this gate we saw going to some
one's house. I think I'd really like these people. Very unique for sure!

Beauty Surrounds Me

Yesterday I got to go to a little town called Port Townsend. We had lunch at Fins and this was our view while we ate outside. It was a pretty day and I had a wonderful time.

I love the drive to almost anywhere we go because you never know what you'll see. Maybe you will come around a corner and there will be mountains! Or there are rolling green pastures with cattle, sheep, buffalo, or alpacas. And always there is water, maybe the canal, maybe the sound, maybe a river, you never know, but it is a constant.

When I was a little girl and we'd get new calendars for the new year I'd look at the pictures of places that didn't look real to me. Now I'm living in those pictures!

The Garden is Growing

BEFORE>.........NOW.........

Tomatoes and Squash coming soon!

Pure Love

Today I got to attend my first ever dance recital. It occurred to me that I'd never ever seen a dance recital before, let alone a ballet. Raising little boys didn't take me to things like that. We mostly attended baseball games and football games. I did get to go to a few spelling B's.

The program was Peter Pan. Every age group was included from the tiny little toddlers to the teens. Haleigh was one of the parrots and I am truly not being bias when I tell you that in her little group of five girls she stood out as the best. Really! I promise.

My love for this little girl just gets stronger and stronger. If for no other reason this big move of mine has been worth it just to be with her. She is so amazing and though I've missed a lot, I'm entering her life at such a wonderful time. A time when she is still a fun loving, silly little girl but at the same time she is learning who she is going to be. The love I receive in return is as pure and beautiful as anything I've ever known.

I lived alone for a long time and missed the human touch. Only recently have I realized this. It is so natural for this wild child to ease her wiry body on to my lap, to give me a hug for no reason or to crawl in bed with me just to cuddle and giggle.

Sometimes on the weekends she and her parents go a few houses down to the neighbors to socialize and eat with their friends. I choose to stay home but that concerns Haleigh. Each time they go she'll ask me if I am sure I'm Ok with staying home alone and I'll say "Yes, Grandma likes to be by herself sometimes." and she'll say "I completely understand" but it is not unusual for her to come back home a few times to check on me. It makes me smile.

The other day she had worked on building her own bird's nest. Her father and I were sitting on the deck, her father reading something when she came to him and asked him if he wanted to come and see the nest. He told her he couldn't right then so she asked me and I said "Sure I want to see it." Without missing a beat she turned to her father and said, "SEE! That's why I have a Grandma!" And so it's true, that is why she has a grandma! I don't won't to miss another thing!

Sunday on the Run

Every one's pretty busy today. Matthew is playing a double header baseball game and Haleigh has a dance recital. I'm excited about the recital, it is Peter Pan and Haleigh is one of the parrots.
We are going to put a turkey breast in the crock pot and make some potato salad before we go and hopefully meet up for supper together. We'll see how that goes.
So, happy Sunday to you. Hope you have a good day.
Love,
Robbin

Grateful Thoughts

This is the tree I spoke of yesterday, so yes, Shirley, it is blooming and it smells wonderful which is what caused us to notice it more probably.
It is nice and I am so fortunate to be able to notice trees blooming, and spring smells and to bird watch. It is this time in my life I do not take for granted. I am lucky as not everyone, I know, would be able to take this sabbatical.
Each day I grow a little stronger and a little more like myself. And though life will never be the same, there is a life for me.
The chemo left me with no feeling in my feet or hands. Now it is only in the tip of my toes and fingers. The death of my child left me dull to the feelings of passion toward things I'd loved before. I feel that lifting some and I have faith that will continue to improve.
I do know had I not been able to be where I am at this point things would be not so good. So for this I am grateful.

Just Checking In

I can't believe I've not posted since Saturday but nothing blog worthy has happened and the week is half over. I've been reading out on the deck, we've bird watched in the afternoons and just enjoyed what feels like summer weather although it's not yet.

We did spend over an hour last night trying to research and idenify a tree in the backyard. That was fun and when we finally did figure out what it was we had to read all about it. Turns out it is an Acacia tree.

I need to do my laundry today, it could wait until tomorrow, so we'll see.
Hope your day is a good one.
Love,
Robbin

Lucky Girl Am I !

Have you ever owned something that you liked so much that all you could do was to stare at it and touch it and admire it? A few weeks back Marge over at Road Sage had a giveaway and I won! It's one of her handmade totes and I got to choose the color and it arrived today. It is as lovely as I knew it would be but it is so special to me because of where it came from and who made it. Marge has been an inspiration for me for a long time now and she has stuck with me through thick and thin. Thank you Marge, for everything. I LOVE IT and YOU too!

A Picnic in the Park

Haleigh and I took advantage of this fine weather and had a picnic in the park. We packed a basket with bologna on white bread with mayo, some dill pickles and our favorite chips, some iced raspberry green tea (which is our favorite at the moment) and off we went. Oh, and also Pumpkin chocolate chip muffins.
We made daisy chains (which she taught me to do by the way) and read poetry and sang and she serenaded me with her harmonica. And we were visited by squirrels.












And we laughed and we giggled and had such a good time.

That Darn Curiosity Plague

The weather has been so nice this week. It's funny to me because it's been nearly eighty degrees and people think it is HOT! I'm not so far from memories of Georgia's hot days to even think that. Hot is when it is 96 degrees and the humidity is way up there and you can bake cookies on the hood of your car around four o'clock in the afternoon.

Because it has been so nice we take advantage of it when we can and eat supper on the deck. We are enjoying the new plants, the new grass, the bird feeders and all that we are surrounded with.

Occasionally a neighbor cat will happen by, creeping through the yard. Tonight, just as I put a bite of cole slaw in my mouth a solid black cat passed through the yard and without missing a beat Haleigh proclaims, "That's a black cat, I thought curiosity killed all of those!" I nearly choked. She is so funny sometimes I can't stand it! None of us said anything, she just said it so seriously!

I also got to attend my first school function with her this week. Her school performed a musical called "Go Galileo" and it was so cute and she did great. And I was one proud Grandma sitting there watching her sing and dance her little heart out.

Adventures in the Backyard

Amy and Matthew went to the book store and bought books. They bought this one for me. So, I've read a lot of it today outside on the deck over looking the backyard.
They also bought this book....
....because Amy bought these....


And we are doing a lot of this. We have to be able to idenify the birds!




While at the ocean this past weekend we collected rocks. This is our white collection along with one small black pebble.

Doesn't it look so very Zen? I arranged them on a tray.

I'm going to keep them on my window sill. For inspiration.
Matthew also found this stone. It is heart shaped, can you tell? A Stone Heart and a sign to us.
He decided to put it in Amy's Flower Bed. I like that a lot.
The simple things in life are the best! They are what make me smile. They make me know like is worth living.

Here are two quotes from my new book.

"Even when he travels far, he is not separate from his own true nature." (Tao Te Ching)

"The motion of nature is cyclic and returning." (Tao Te Ching)

Down on the River

This is the lodge we stayed at this past weekend. There was a river running right beside it. There was a wood burning stove and a cute little old Hotpoint fridge. Also a Mr.Coffee and a Blender straight out of the sixties. The beds were wonderful and the view was great. There was a little wagon in the shelter to carry your stuff up to the room.
It was just perfect.

Rest in Peace my son. You are loved and missed every second of every day.
June 28, 1977-May 22,2008

A Surprise Hike

Matthew was off yesterday and so he asked me if instead of taking my regular walk which is around and around the park I wanted to go on another little hike. So that is what we did. This trail leads to a beach, a rocky secluded one and the tide was going to be out that afternoon so he says, "We'll take our rubber boots."
The weather was not so great all day but if there's one thing I've learned about Washington it is not to let the weather stop your plans. It could be pouring down rain one minute and the sun shining the next. So the fact that it rained on us the whole drive to a town called Seabec didn't bother me too much.
I got to use my new backpack for the first time. It is wonderful, very comfortable. It is amazing what you can put in there and carry on your back, even put a pair of rubber boots in a little elastic section! It was still raining as we parked but after a little while it slowed down enough for us to start and we could see blue sky ahead through the trail.
The rain just made all the wild plants so much greener and more fragrant. It made the broken limps look like polished wood. There were wild Rhododendrons, wild ferns and about a million other things I have no idea what was. The trail there was mostly down hill and when we reached the beach it was just beautiful. We couldn't really see the mountains in the background but the fog was pretty and we had a good time uncovering little crabs from under rocks, picking up shells and rocks.
I learned the hard way that the mud in places is like quick sand and so we laughed as the mud sucked my boots in and I just stepped right out of them, getting my socks socked and muddy!
The hike back was completely uphill and I huffed and puffed but made it back up and this morning I am feeling those muscles that got a work out. I loved it once again.
This one is called Guillemot Cove Nature Reserve.