Just Dreamin'

I have a dream in my cedar chest of one day living on the beach. Everyday I will search for sea glass and I will find the rarest of colors.

I will wish with every piece I find that it could talk and tell me what part of a whole it was and how it got in the water. "Were you an ale bottle thrown into the sea by a drunken sailor or a dish from a shipwrecked vessel?" Maybe if I rub my fingers over the smooth edges tumbled by the water and the sand I can get a feel for what it was and how it ended up on the beach.

As I collect the pieces of sea glass one by one, I'll store them in jars and sit them on the window seal where they'll catch the sun's light. And one day when I'm old and gray I will make beautiful jewelry out of them for my grandchildren.

Don't you just hate it when.......

what you've been searching for was right there under your nose the whole time?

This is all I Want with My mother

She pretends we have it, I know we don't and it hurts.

It's Friday!

Friday doesn't mean much for me exactly as I have to work the whole weekend, but Friday means that Saturday comes next and then Sunday. Sunday means Monday is the next day and then it is at last Tuesday, April 3rd. And I can't wait and if you don't know why, you probably don't read this blog.

At the end of one day it's nice to know
you get a brand new start tomorrow,
if it is to be and if you're lucky.

"Just the Facts, 'Mam

1. The pollen count in Ga. is higher than it's been in years today.

2. Because of fact #1, I look like a chipmunk.

3. Everything outside has a fine yellow coating (this includes people).

4. Most of us here are miserable in various forms of allergies.

5. I am happy to report that the birds and bees and the flowers and the trees are having a wonderful time!

Solie, my hair stylist: (in a thick Filipino accent)Oh, I forget to try new cut on you, no never mind anyway, you no like it I bet.
Me: Well, I might, what new style?
Solie: No,never mind.
Me: Well, maybe I would have, next cut maybe huh?
Solie: Ok, but you no like I bet.
Me: Well, maybe I NEED a new style. I'm about to have a big birthday, time maybe for something new.
Solie: Oh? What big birthday?
Me: 50!
Solie: Ummm, 50 nothing, I'm already 100! (In reality she is probably in her 50's.) No worry, we still young chicks! Next time new style but you probably no like it.

Six

When I was a little girl of six I loved Popeye the Sailor Man, paper dolls, & banana splits. I loved horses and grasshoppers and dandelion blooms. My teacher's name was Mrs. Chunn and my best friend's name was Joy. I had a solid white kitten named Snowball and a dog named Little Bit. I didn't know much about the outside world but I did know one fall afternoon that a very important man named JFK got shot and the whole world was sad. I knew he had a little girl about my age and I shed tears for her because she'd lost her Daddy. That's what I know about me at six.
What are your six year old passions Haleigh and what do you know of the outside world? I can't wait to find out. Six more days to go.

The Mermaid

Tonight, upon the river,
A black barge came, slow-drifting
Where golden lights, with ruby rays,
Were in the water shifting.
The dock was black and silent,
All on our boat were sleeping
When o'er the side, down in the tide,
I saw a mermaid peeping.

At least, a side of silver,
Shone beneath the moon,
And something splashed the water,
Bright as a silver spoon.
Perhaps 'twas but my fancy,
Perhaps 'twas but my wish,
And gliding form and silvery fin,
Were but a passing fish.

But, as the years drift onward,
This tho't I'll be a'keeping,
"I saw a mermaid swimming by,
When all the world was sleeping!"
__Louisa Cooke Don-Carlos

As Time Goes On

Time is a funny thing. Sometimes it feels as if it passes so slowly but one day you look up at the calendar and you are 49 years old! I've gotten used to being 49 but that next number, well I'm still trying to prepare to embrace it. After all, it's just a number.
Most days I get up and I'm fearless! Most days I can really believe 50 is the new 40, whatever good that is, but then there are days when I start thinking about my age and I can not believe I'm about to turn 50! I also can't believe my mother will be 70 or that I have a son that will be 30. And on those days I can't help it! I feel Old!
I know there is much left in my future but I also know there are things gone that I will never experience again. I know I shouldn't dwell on that but I do sometimes. There are things I wanted in life that I probably won't get. I wanted love from someone special forever. I wanted to have a daughter. I wanted to own a tiny peace of land that I could call my own & other things that are too private to mention here.
Of course I know in my heart that in life unexpected things happen and you just never know and that is what makes me keep going day after day, just to see what happens. It's like reading a really good novel and in a single page things can change JUST like that!
Today is just one of those days for me. A bit of regret, a few tears, but soon enough I'll turn the next page and everything will look different. Just Like That!
Because that is the way life is.
As I look back on the last decade of my life, the experiences were wonderful. I've learned so much that I couldn't have known in my 30's and it will be the same for the next decade I'm sure. But for today, just for today, I am going to be sad for lost time. And then tommorrow I will look forward to times to come.

And So It Begins........

The count down that is! One week from tomorrow I will leave here to get on a Jet Plane. Waiting at the other end of this journey will be people I miss most in the whole world. And for seven full days I will get to be with them. And I can't wait!

Dreamin' on a Sunday Afternoon

One of the dreams I've tucked away in this cedar chest is my little cabin in the woods. I'm dreaming of it today. It will be tucked away so far in the woods that if you didn't know it was there, you'd never find it. It will have a room set up with a long table for all my beading stuff. In that room will be a big window with a view of the woods where I can watch the wildlife while I bead. The deer and rabbits and birds and raccoons will all stay near because they know they have nothing to fear from me. And it will have a wonderful front porch with rocking chairs, maybe a swing and a table where I can have my meals out there when the weather is good. It's a good dream and it's where I am today if anyone is looking for me.

I Hate Do Overs!

Ok, I should say "strongly dislike", that's what I used to insist my kids say when they used the word "hate". This particular do over concerns a beaded necklace, and not even one of which I made. My dear Mother volunteered me to restring a necklace for a lady she knows. According to her it was a treasured gift from somebody and it broke. Ok, when she first mentioned it I didn't think too much about it and then she presented it to me yesterday. Still together enough I could somewhat tell the design, it is a double strung deal! UGH! How I h...strongly dislike those ditties!
But, never being one to turn down a challenge, I woke up this morning with it on my mind. There are missing beads so the design had to be changed a little. But then I realized it would probably be too short without those beads. Lucky for her I had a few similar ones in my own stock. I was going to take a pic but my camera batteries are dead. It turned out well I think. One thing about this Do Over, I'll get paid for doing it, and money in IS always a good thing.

Early Morning Walk

Having coffee this morning, up early on my day off to go walking. Saturday is our long walk, not such a power walk as just a distance walk. The sun hasn't come up yet, though it is not too far from happening. I stayed up way too late reading Mary Higgins Clark. I don't usually read her but "Two Little Girls in Blue" sounded good and it is.
My walk will be filled with the sights and sounds of a new Spring and of my mother's voice telling of her doings, past and present and I just walk taking it all in and glad to be alive. My thoughts on what I need to do today and my up coming trip to see my kids.
My eldest on my mind heavy this morning and I hope all is well with him. Happy Saturday to you all, have a good weekend!

Three Wishes

Haleigh's 3 Wishes

1. I wish my Dad would like cats.

2. I wish my mom would never die.

3. I wish I were a cheerleader.

(Her Mom just emailed me saying this was a paper she brought home from school.)

I have a friend who loves Enya. His favorite is a song by the name of Flora's Secret but this is my favorite one.

Only Time

Who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
- only time
And who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
- only time

Who can say
why your heart sighs
as your love flies
- only time
And who can say
why your heart cries
when your love lies
- only time

Who can say
when the roads meet
that love might be
in your heart
And who can say
when the day sleeps
if the night keeps
all your heart

Night keeps all your heart

Who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
- only time
And who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
- only time

Who knows - only time
Who knows - only time

Lyrics: Roma Ryan

Happy Girl

Today was a good day all the way around. Someone brought me lunch, we had a wonderful sales day, nice customers, associates in a good mood, what more could I ask for? Oh yeah, it was payday to boot. And.......when I checked the mail I had a really special card from a really special person. SO...there you have it! Oh! I almost forgot, I'm off the weekend! Life is Good!

Special Sighting

My best friend Steph spotted a beautiful Luna Moth tonight (not this one). So in her honor I wrote her a Haiku.


In its haste to live;
Luna chose one special person
To reveal itself to.

A Poor Me Post

You ever have one of those days when you feel like you are apparently wearing that sign on your back that says "KICK ME!"? I wore that sign all day yesterday. Everyone I remotely tried to communicate with in anyway seemed to be wearing steel toed boots and they all had perfect aim! The good thing is that we never have to have a repeat performance of the day before (except for poor Bill Murray in Groundhog Day) and so there is hope today! Plus I'm peeking over my shoulder in the mirror before I leave for work to make sure that stupid sign is not there~!

Avon Calling

My best friend is selling Avon. I guess I've not looked at an Avon book in forever and boy! All I can say is this is not your mother's Avon catalog. They sell lots of stuff now.
Thinking of Avon brought back childhood memories that make me smile. Much to my mother's dismay, who is quite prissy, I was never a girly little girl. I loved to climb trees and play The Lone Ranger on my bike with the boys in the neighborhood but even I couldn't resist the Avon Lady. That was back in the day when she visited door to door. Our Avon Lady wore outfits of pastel colors, dressy outfits as if she were headed to church. She had high heel shoes to perfectly match everyone of those outfits. In the winter time they were suits, skirts and jackets. In Spring they were frilly dresses with lace and eyelet and all that girly stuff. And she smelled like blooming flowers. Her hair was blond but styled like that of "That Girl" which was a popular TV show at that time, and her name was Miss Gladys. She called me "suga" (a very southern way of saying sugar which kids were called sometimes) and she'd see me outside and say, "Suga, run tell Mama I'm here with her order." My mother would tell me to invite her in and she'd fix them both a glass of ice tea while Miss Gladys brought in her case and sat at the couch. She carefully opened that case and laid out some new products on the coffee table to show my mother and then she'd open this little case of sample lipsticks and let me pick out one. I loved the names of them and as the boys yelled outside wanting me to come back to play; for a little moment I got lost in the land of "Strawberry Creams, Pink Bouquets" & Perfect Plums." And I sat in Awe of Miss Gladys. I'd soon get bored with the grown-up talk and gossiping(which a big part of the Avon Ladie's visit) and I'd run to my room to hide the little lipstick sample in a special box and I'd head out to the beckoning of the other kids, but not before Miss Gladys said, "Bye Suga, you be sweet now." A little while later she'd leave and go to the next door.
Who knew a little Avon Book could cause all of that to surface from my soul. I wonder what else I've got buried in there.

The Phases of My Life

I believe we live our lives in "phases". Not everyone goes through the same phases but I still think that all lives have them. I think we live them out and then move on to the next one. I don't know for sure if we govern them or if it is our fate that holds the control, of course that is an age old question.
The transitional period between these phases can be hard but finally you move into the next place and discover new things, new challenges to face and overcome.
It is in the transitional period where I sit these days, and you know what I mean. You feel like your life is in limbo or you are in a rut. It feels like I'm on the edge of a mountain just waiting for fate to give me that final nudge, just enough to push me over into the next phase of my life.
Did I learn lessons from the previous phases to help me sail through this one? Will this be the hardest of all and am I up to it? My head tells me the time has come that this part of my life will include some hard things, things that come with age. Loss. I've been lucky so far that I've not lost many people in my life. My heart tells me that I will learn things about myself that perhaps I've not yet discovered.
At any rate, change is coming. Whether I choose to go ahead and jump or wait for fate's hand to push me over I know that the time is near and I'll meet it will excitement,wonder, and a bit of fear. That's what life is all about. You just never know what's around the corner, do you?

More Cowboys, horses and kids.

Browsing for more Cowboy Art I came across this site and this drawing. Check him out, his site is interesting.

Rememories

As I get ready to go to Washington to visit my children I keep remembering the last time I went and how magical it was. If you missed my story on the whales read here. One thing I didn't mention was that we visited Chief Seattle's Grave site. I couldn't get really close because there was a woman there meditating and we didn't want to disturb her but it was very cool to get to see where he is actually buried. (Native American History and Heritage is an interest of mine.)
Anyway, the trip last time was so perfect in so many ways, My DIL and I surprised my son as he didn't know I was coming, we saw the whales, I saw Chief Seattle's grave. Just good memories. This trip will be not so exciting but just as good. Any time is good I get to spend time with that granddaughter of mine! Hang on Haleigh, Grandma is coming soon!!!

Spring is Cold!

Ok, so technically it is not Spring yet, this morning Winter reminded us down here in the South that he's still around. Our morning walk turned out to be a little chilly and we had to dig out our heavy sweats and socks but it was quite refreshing. The wind proved to be too much on the road but we have a nice patch of woods behind our houses and a path worn down by deer hunters and so the trees buffered the wind and we felt only the bright warm sunshine with just a tiny bit of a nip. We got our two miles in.
I go in late this morning to work and I am working for someone else tomorrow so my weekend is full of work and the Dr. is out of town so business will be slow. We hate those days. But it does give you time to get in some paperwork.
There's a little girl today who is celebrating her ninth birthday. She doesn't know me and I don't know her now but I still feel her in my heart and the warmth of her body as I held her as a baby next to my me in the warm sunshine. If circumstances had of been different I might be sharing this day with her. Instead I hope somewhere in her being she feels a tiny bit of warmth and knows there is somebody who loves her very much. Life is unfair sometimes but you got to roll with flow, huh?

Spring Time is Pink

If you've never seen Cherry Trees in full bloom you don't know what you are missing. They take your breath away. Today is the start of the Cherry Blossom Festival in Macon. They are the same trees that are in D.C. and Macon boasts on having 300,000 of them. You know Spring is here when you witness them. Pictures are pretty of them but until you see the real thing, you just can't imagine their beauty.

People!

Working in Retail can be exhausting. I know I've said this before but it is true and today was a perfect example. Nobody can wait their turn, can't wait a week for their glasses, can't see out of their glasses, wants money back, YOU DO TAKE MY INSURANCE! and on and on and on. You come home and feel like you've been literally beat up. Just part of the job and things get better and people bring in brownies to thank you for being so nice and they come in and tell you how they love their glasses and all is well for a while and then BAM! You can do nothing right.
You learn not to take it personally and you learn to smile and be nice no matter how mean they are to you and like I said it is just part of it. But I got to tell you it ain't easy sometimes!
Ok, I'll stop moaning about that. The other news is my younger son, the policeman, bought himself a motorcycle. GREAT! Now I've got another thing to worry about. Thanks Matthew. He'll enjoy it though. I've ridden on the back of a motorcycle in my younger days enough to know the freedom you feel. I'm happy for him.
I have only a little over two weeks to go before I go on Vacation and get to see this motorcycle in person. I am so ready.
So, that's about all that is going on here. I get off a little early tomorrow afternoon and so that's a good thing. But I have to work all weekend, including Sunday. But I'll survive. Two and a half weeks, I'll be in the beautiful Pacific Northwest!!! YAY!

Back to Walking

Up until last summer my mother and I walked about two miles a day for at least five days a week. It got hot, we got busy, we made excuses and before you know it we were out of the habit. But the truth is I feel soooo much better when I am doing this and so this morning we started again. We are going to shoot for at least three days a week. This morning we walked a mile and a quarter, not a bad start. Man...could I tell I was out of shape, but adding a little bit of distance and speed everyday and we'll soon be back where we were.
I'd also forgotten how much more you get out of the walk than just physical exercise. It's good for the soul too. We live out in the country and we live on a paved road surrounded by woods. This morning we passed a creek where we saw two wild ducks taking a swim. We saw a huge nest build by some huge bird, maybe a buzzard. We smelled he sweetness of spring about to spring. It felt good to stretch those legs and take deep breaths! I challenge you! Get out and walk! You won't be sorry.
It is better if you have a partner, that way it easier to not find excuses because that other person is counting on you.
So I feel good this morning and ready to start my day!

Celebrating Dr. Seuss's Birthday

I meant to share this really cool site I found. It polarizes your pictures, gives them a border, you don't have to down load anything. This is a picture of my Grandchild I did. I like the look of it. Click here.

A bit of a Revelation

Ok, indulge me here for a moment. As I near my 50th birthday,(less than two months away)and while I'm in the midst of this "rite of passage" (perimenopause)I seem to be seeking the meaning of "me". Ok, ok, what I mean is, what am I here for? And as bad as it may seem to say this, (believe me I feel guilty) I've decided it is time for me to be .....selfish. There, I said it. It is no secret that women often live their whole lives trying to DO, trying to BE, trying to MAKE happiness for everyone else. And the revelation that I've come to or almost have come to, is that you simply cannot make everyone happy. I've said this, I've been told this, it is not a new statement to me, but I've never really bought into it. I've always tried to think that I could make everyone happy. And you know what, you can to a degree but guess who ends up feeling cheated? Guess who ends up NOT happy?
And so, that being said the gift I'm giving myself for my big birthday is to do what I want to do that makes me feel good. Selfish isn't it??
And now, one other little thing that I guess I've come to realize is this. When someone does something that would in the past upset me, guess what? I choose not to let it bother me, and not because I'm a nice person who turns the other cheek, I choose to not become upset for ME!
I don't want to be upset! (This is wisdom that apparently doesn't come to you until you near 50 years of age.)
And so I say "Bring it on!" I'm ready for whatever the rite of passage has to offer me. And I'm ready for the big 5-0 too. I'm going to be one Wise, Selfish, and Happy woman!

Restful Sunday

Wow, I accomplished very little today, but it was a nice restful day. I watched movies, and napped and the day was beautiful, nice temp, beautiful sunshine so my little dog and I took a nice walk in the woods.
Here's a cool site I found if you like music, especially oldies.
Hope you have a good coming week, I plan to!

On Daughter In Laws

Last week I had a patient come in that I know and she was telling me that she'd recently had to quit work to take care of her elderly parents. She sold her house and moved in with them but soon after, her son moved in too after he and his wife had separated and then soon after her other son left his wife and showed up with three children as well. WOW! The conversation led to daughter in laws. She said her sons had always been attracted to looney tune girls and they'd both married one. She said, "I wish they'd let ME pick out their next wives!"
WOW, I'd never ever say that! Not that I don't know about looney tune DIL's but who's to say I could do better.
Mother's of sons know all too well that it's not just men who can abuse their spouses, women can do a pretty good job mentally abusing men!
I have one son who sees himself with a certain kind of woman and he's so wrong and until he sees this I fear he will not find the right mate. The person he really really falls in love with might not really "look" like he thinks she will. He's working with this right now, going through a period of learning and realizing certain things and it's interesting watching him do this. He's realizing who his wife really is and that she may not be who he is suppose to be with even though for the last seven years he's thought so. I'm hoping when he decides he's done being Used, the right person comes along and knocks his socks off and she may not be drop dead gorgeous but she will be to him.
I have another DIL that I had a hard time accepting. She wasn't who I had pictured for my younger son. First of all they were TOO young. And he was graduating from high school, joining the Navy and getting married all at one time, it was too much for me to handle. But he was a man at eighteen and sure he was in love and so.....what's a mother to do? I had to trust his decision and hope for the best. And it has been best. They've had their ups and downs like all married couples but they are fine. And I love her and wouldn't trade her in for anybody else!
So NOPE, I would never pick my son's mates. I'd probably make a big big mess!
Before my older son got married I used to kid my younger son's wife and tell her she was my favorite DIL (she was my only one at that time.) But guess what Amy, you're still my favorite DIL and always will be. (And I'm not just saying that because you read my blog and she doesn't!)
For my older son and his wife I hope they can discover that they've tried but all they do is make each other miserable and they can move on. Sometimes that happens.

Back to Work

Well, my two days off did happen, although someone's child was ill one day, they worked it out for me, which I appreciate very much.
Today was pleasant. I have to work tomorrow but I'm off on Sunday.
Nothing much interesting going on, I have talked to J, my son, whom I've not heard from for a few weeks, but all is well, at least he is handling things.
I visited my mother a while yesterday, haven't spent any real time with her for awhile.
Some Drama going on between my girls at work, and I've got to deal with that, but not until Tuesday, so all is well in my world.
Tired tonight and I've got three movies from Netflix and that's what I'm doing tonight probably.
Happy Friday night to all!

Off for two days, I hope

When you work a retail job as I do, weekends aren't something you have a lot of and so the two days you get off are sometimes in the middle of the week. So, tomorrow's my weekend, sort of. I'm ready because I've worked seven days straight and I've missed some days off in the last few weeks because every one's been sick at the store and so...I am ready!
Today was pretty uneventful and boring. That's a good thing sometimes. I'm tired and am going to bed early I think. And I get to wake up whenever I wake up! YAY!

Just trying to Manage

When you work in an office with a small group of people, it's easy to get close to them and sometimes you know things about them that you don't know about your immediate family members. When you are the supervisor of this small group of people it gets hard if you have reason to do what our company calls a "developmental session" with one of them. Today I had to do that. This particular person is having a hard time performing somethings that are required of her and she is so tender hearted, I let it go much longer than I should have. Today was the day I had to do it.
She expected it as it has to do with quality of sales and she'd seen the report for the end of the month. She and I do talk about it every month but I've never sat down with her, written it all up and had her sign it. We set some goals and some training that will help her (I hope) and she took it all pretty well. I made it as positive as I could.
Mostly being a manager is no different from being a fellow human being, I just try to treat people as I would want them to treat me. I fail at this sometimes in the heat of a moment but I strive very hard. Managing people is the second hardest job I've ever done. The first was raising children and actually the two are not that different, are they?

Dreaming Again

Today is my Sunday to work. It's the end of our month at work and so I've got plenty of paperwork to do as I also do repairs on glasses. Don't usually sell too many glasses on Sunday as the Dr. of course doesn't work on Sundays but sometimes people bring in outside Rx's. Usually I have plenty of time to close out the month and so forth. A quiet day.
I'm obsessed at the moment with Cowboy Art and Horse Art. I'd love to own a cabin out in the middle of nowhere and I'd collect this kind of art. I'm dreaming this morning as you can tell. So I'll just tuck the dream away in this Cedar Chest and maybe I'll bring it out one day, you never know.
Anyhow.........hope you have a relaxing Sunday and a good coming week.

A Total Eclipse of the Moon

AS I was driving home tonight, something caught my eye in the sky. It looked like a tiny sliver of light and then lo and behold I realized what I was seeing. It was a spectacular show.

Rough Night

Really bad weather last night, surrounded by tornadoes touching down around in almost every county surrounding me. Lots of damage and people dead or hurt. I slept with one eye open and am glad that night is over.
Today the sun is shining as if nothing happened but my heart goes out to all those that were hit.
I go in late today and close. Usually I do that on Tuesday but schedule is a little different this week. So......I'm in for a long day.
Anyway, hope everyone has a nice Friday.

Just had to share this pic of my best friend's Beagle, Dory, and her favorite position on their couch.

It's a Fat World After All!!!

Today while I ate lunch I had bought the newest Weight Watcher's magazine to read while I ate, and I came across this article about Global Obesity. Remember how we were told to clean our plates because there were starving children in China that would be happy to get that food?? Well.......those kids are now almost 30% overweight! AND......guess what?? French women ARE getting fat! In 1979 there was one Mcdonald's in France. Today, over 1000. (So, it's our fault!) Those Chinese people used to use bikes as their main means of transportation, of course now they have more cars. And get this, In Britain one household in four no longer even owns a dining room table to have meals, they eat in front of the TV. So, even though we are leading the pack in obesity here in the USA at 74% of the population being overweight, the rest of the world is close behind.
So there you have it. Global Warming may not destroy us at all, it could be we just eat ourselves to death and explode! Sad, indeed.