It is stormy and raining hard this morning. The thunder in fact woke me. Kind of matches my mood. OH, my mood. My moods are on a rampage at the moment, changing from one end of the spectrum to the other. It's exhausting really.
My mother and aunt had their last periods in their forties. Neither of them remember having one hot flash, mood swing, irregular anything. That was that. They never looked back. I would have liked to go through this pause like that. Not going to happen.
But I am dealing, I have no choice and at least now I am going to the Dr. which is a big deal for me since I really hate that. Today I go for a mammogram.
But this morning I feel so old.........ancient, and I'd like to stay home with the covers pulled up over my head and not face the world. I feel like crying for reasons I don't even understand.
And I understand why years ago men put their wives away during this time. No wonder they thought they were going mad! I am so not the person I used to be. I've lost myself somewhere. I know I'm still there somewhere.
Because I am looking most probably to having a hysterectomy I've done nothing but read and read and research and now I am over loaded with information and I've over done it for sure. I need to stop reading now. I need to stay focused on getting this over with and then maybe I can get on with my life.
Please excuse this entry. It probably makes not much sense to anyone. Just rambling this morning and in a Oh Woe is Me mood. I'll get better. I promise.
My mother and aunt had their last periods in their forties. Neither of them remember having one hot flash, mood swing, irregular anything. That was that. They never looked back. I would have liked to go through this pause like that. Not going to happen.
But I am dealing, I have no choice and at least now I am going to the Dr. which is a big deal for me since I really hate that. Today I go for a mammogram.
But this morning I feel so old.........ancient, and I'd like to stay home with the covers pulled up over my head and not face the world. I feel like crying for reasons I don't even understand.
And I understand why years ago men put their wives away during this time. No wonder they thought they were going mad! I am so not the person I used to be. I've lost myself somewhere. I know I'm still there somewhere.
Because I am looking most probably to having a hysterectomy I've done nothing but read and read and research and now I am over loaded with information and I've over done it for sure. I need to stop reading now. I need to stay focused on getting this over with and then maybe I can get on with my life.
Please excuse this entry. It probably makes not much sense to anyone. Just rambling this morning and in a Oh Woe is Me mood. I'll get better. I promise.
2 comments:
You are the least old person I know. Wise, yes. Old, no. Not in age or spirit. You are just at the mercy of your hormones, and it is the "pause" that is old - old as time. At least you keep it interesting, that's more than most people do. I sure hope things mellow out for you soon! Good luck at the doctor today!
Thank you Amy, you are my favorite daughter in law! And I love you.
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