Confession

I absolutely adore the movie " The Sound of Music" and if you don' believe me, just ask my grown sons to sing "Doe, a deer, a female deer......"! Ok, they probably wouldn't sing it for you but I promise you they both know the words and the melody!

It is on tonight, I am watching! Even though I've seen it a million times, doesn't matter, I love it.

Friday Morning Ramblings

My car decided he needed some attention during the holiday season and he went to the shop yesterday and had some brake work done. Thank goodness he didn't need shoes but only pads and that saved me a bundle.

My parents went to a doctor's appointment in a nearby bigger town yesterday. When they got home my mother told me she had a surprise for me and to come up there. The day before, after our shopping spree she and I had lunch together. Because I couldn't face the same leftovers we'd eaten for the past few days, I made us what was basically a grilled cheese with some of the ham in it. I told her we were having a panini.

I guess that made her think I'd like to have a panini making machine. So that was my surprise. Alrighty then. (My mother has a weakness for small kitchen appliances and since she has no more room for anymore, she thought I needed it.) It's a cool little machine and I'm sure I'll use it.


I go back to work today after being off three days. I'm working today and the weekend and then have a few more days off. Finally we'll get back to normal after next week. I can't believe it's going to be 2008!

I'm not sure where 2007 went but I'm not sad to say goodbye to it. In a lot of ways it has been a rough year for me, at least emotionally. Turning the big 50 knocked the wind out of me and age usually never bothered me before. Trying to figure out just what I want to do that will make me happier has been a hard thing. So...I'm hoping 2008 will bring changes that will affect me positively. I'm ready for change. So we will see.

As Promised

Ok, I said last week I had lots to share and here's one thing. I attended our company's year end conference in Atlanta weekend before last. I always dread going to these things for a number of reasons but without fail I usually enjoy them once I go. This time we were surprised by finding out that Randy Jackson of American Idol has designed a line of frames and our company will be selling them exclusively for the first few months they are out. It helps that American Idol will start its new season in January. At our banquet we got another big surprise and that was that Randy was actually there to meet us. He was very gracious and went to each table and shook everyone's hand and talked to each of us for a moment or two. There was probably over 400 people there.

So.....in January, if you are an American Idol fan, pay attention to Randy's glasses because those are the very same frames we are selling. It was all very
exciting.



I also wanted to mention the last meeting we had.

It touched me in ways I could never really explain and for many reasons.


First of all, it was unlike anything I've ever witnessed before. Another reason is that if you knew me well or spent any amount of time around me, you'd know I have a "thing" for the country of Africa. And yet another reason I was blown away is because of the message it brought to me.


We all met up in a big room the last hour and as we filed in, we heard music, drums really. When we entered, up on stage in beautiful African garb were 5 people playing drums. And in each of our seats were beautiful hand carved, traditional African drums, all different in size and design. They were beautiful! As we filed in, the musicians kept right on playing and smiling. As we sat down it was only natural for most of us to start pounding on our own drums.

After we were all seated, the only lady in the group put her drum down and jumped up and started dancing. Before long she was communicating with us only with her hands. Without a word from her this huge group of people followed each beat she gave us in unison and before long we were actually making music.

It is their purpose to show a group of people what can be accomplished if they listen to each other and support one another. If you click here you can read about them and even hear the music we heard when we first saw them.

I really, really wanted to keep one of those drums! Great stress relievers you see and fun too! Not to mention how beautiful each one was.

It was great to meet Randy Jackson but this impressed me so much more. I wish everyone could experience it! I hope maybe I can bring back to my own store some of the energy and unity that this experience gave me.

Afterwards

My mother loves to shop the day after Christmas and since she found out I am off work today, guess who is going with her at this very early hour? Yep, that would be me.

She buys all her Christmas paper and ribbons after Christmas. And since she always insist I use what she has during Christmas, it is the least I can do to go with her. So I'm drinking coffee and eating toast and getting ready to meet her at seven o'clock for what is always an adventure!

Just Wondering

Back in the spring, just before my 50th birthday, a wonderful lady by the name of Linda commented on my blog. She too was feeling some of the things I was feeling about becoming 50. She became a regular reader through out the rest of the spring and summer but early fall she disappeared.

She never had her own blog and so I had no way of checking up on her. I do know that she was from Southern California.

I was just thinking of her and hoping wherever she is,she is fine and having a wonderful Christmas. I miss her.

Sometimes in life you can see things so clearly. I think this is the times you give. Other times you need to stop and listen. This is when you learn.

I am in the learning stage at the moment.

Without fail in the past when I have been in this spot someone comes and touches my life and I learn valuable lessons. Someone crosses my path that I may or may not know and shares with me an action or words or maybe just a look. And then suddenly I know answers that I'd forgotten or maybe never even knew.

The tricky part is that I think these people cross my path more often than I know and I miss it. Today I'm going to quit fighting my own pride and open my heart to whatever it is I'm suppose to learn and I am going to remember this lesson could come from the least likely person I come in contact with.

Merry Christmas,
Love,
Robbin

Just call me Scrooge

My oldest son is home for Christmas, he came in last night and then promptly left to go meet some people he went to school with and left me babysitting his dog Buddy. Buddy has an attachment problem with his father. He never ever settled down. He cried and moaned and paced the whole night. Oh well, at least I didn't have to change diapers, he is potty trained.

I have to work today and tomorrow. Tomorrow we are only opened from nine until three so it won't be such a long day.

Christmas is hard for me sometimes and this year is for sure. Living so far away from my granddaughter is no fun during Christmas. Being single and not having brothers or sisters, I sometimes feel sorry for myself and feel left out of the gift thing. I know Christmas is not suppose to be about the gifts but it's hard to hear people say what their husbands got them or their brothers or sisters. Some people do stockings and I would have to fill my own stocking if I wanted one. My stepfather always asks me to wrap my mother's gifts.

Ok, enough of that! Christmas is hard for lots of people for different reasons. If it's about giving then I've done my part but found no joy much there. Next year I think I will find a place to go where people really need things and maybe I can help them.

Something is missing here and I need to search for the true meaning of this season because I am really and truly lost!

Out of the Mouth of Babes

On the afternoon local news there was a story on how the Sheriff's department sponsors a "Shop with a Cop" for children that are from poor families.

It always amazes me that when someone takes a child Christmas shopping that might not otherwise get anything, there's always one that says, "It's not about me, it's mostly about my family."

He picked out presents for his family first.
We could learn a lot from kids if we'd only take the time to listen.

Two Days with my Mother and I live to tell about it!

I have spent the most part of the last two days making Christmas gifts of food with my mother. It's been fun even though she tells me what to do every step of the way and if I venture off to do something my own way it's not a good thing. She and I think so differently that if there's a question about a recipe, we never agree on what the answer is. But anyway, we did good and we got a lot done. And laughed our way through some of those moments where one of us could have gotten our feelings hurt.

Tomorrow our store is having a little Christmas party. I'm off but I will go in for the party. I kept seeing Rachael Ray make this fudge wreath, so I had to try it and it is what I will be taking to the party. It's enough pure chocolate to kill somebody. I put pecans in it. But it's pretty and it was simple to make. And so...one more little thing to make tomorrow and I'm done with my Christmas gifts.

I have so much to share........

....but not enough time to blog it all right now. So in the meantime, let me show you what I spent my time doing last night. These are gifts for my employees at work. They are a lot of fun to make. My mother has a book with the recipes and it includes the recipe card which you tie to the jars. I hope they will like them. I'd like one!





We had a hard time coming up with enough large mouth jars but we finally did! You can't buy them this time of the year.


All the recipient has to do is add the liquid ingredients and stick in the oven.

I think I'll tell them they have to bring me a taste of whatever they make.

As soon as things slow down I've got lots to say so don't give up on me.
Wishing everyone Happy Holidays! I hope you all get whatever it is your heart desires this year.
Love,
Robbin

Dentist Visit & a Hair Cut TOO!

Six months ago when I went for my cleaning, my teeth turned against me. I ended up spending nearly all summer having teeth filled, having a root canal and having one pulled.

Today no cavities, thank goodness!

I had my haircut too. I'm not fond of being touched, prodded and poked, so it was a big thing to have a dental appointment and a hair appointment on the same day!

I spend my days in a retail environment, serving customer's needs.

It can be challenging some days to say the least.

SO what computer game am I so into at the moment? A game called Fashion Fits.

I'm running a clothing store and trying hard not to lose my customers. I have to offer gift wrapping, fitting room service, and keep the shelves stocked, all the time hearing customers complain!

I must be nuts!

An Odd Experience

Sort of an odd thing happened Saturday night when I was spending some time with my best friend's daughter, Robbin. I can't seem to get it out of my head, and of course it could have been just coincidence but things like this always make me wonder.
To explain why it affected me the way it did I first have to tell you about my Grandmother whom I called Granny Jo. She died over twenty years ago and she was very very special to me. I didn't really get to know her well until I was 15 and from that time on I spend a good deal of time with her. Back in the seventies, you may remember a song by Jesse Colter called, "I'm not Lisa". It was sort of a mournful ballad and once you heard it, it was hard to get it out of your brain. My grandmother was not a singer in anyway and I don't even remember her listening to much music at all and so when this happened it stuck in my mind. She and I were in the car going somewhere and she started singing this song. It cracked me up because I'd never heard her do that and so I kidded her about it a lot. She liked the lyrics, even found them sort of funny. And so this is just one of those things I remember in the back of my head about a short moment in our lives. And something I'd not thought about in years.


Now, that said, here's what happened Saturday night with little Robbin. She and I were shopping for a gift for her to give her mom for her birthday when she announced she was hungry. I asked what she wanted and she told me maybe a hot dog. She then proceeded to tell me that close to her daycare is a place where they have great hot dogs. I knew she was talking about the pool hall here in our little town. For years they've sold hot dogs that some people go nuts over. I told her that my Granny Jo used to work in the building next to her daycare a long time ago and she sometimes enjoyed a pool room hot dog too. She sort of giggled and then proceeded to talk about the hot dogs a little more and then out of no where she sang, "I'm not Lisa". I nearly fainted. I looked at her and I said, "Where do you know that song from?" and she just giggled and said she heard it from some of her Daddy's music.

She and I sung that song the rest of our time together that night. I didn't mention to her why I was so surprised to hear those lyrics come out of her mouth during the time we were talking about my grandmother. Coincidence? Maybe, but I prefer to think that somehow the love Robbin and I share and the love my Grandmother and I shared was a catalyst for a tiny little communication between my grandmother and myself. All because of pool hall hot dogs and a really old song. Who knows!

Life....not so simple anymore!

I really like to keep my life simple. It comes from years of raising kids and having to be here and there, do this and that, and so I am somewhat of a hermit now and don't do or go anywhere much I don't really want to do or go.

Since early November, I can't seem to get "simple" back. I can't get caught up with things that really need doing. Things I've wanted to do have become complicated in one way or the other. And then there are things I don't want to do but have no other choice.

I have to go to Atlanta this weekend for a business meeting. I still have to get a haircut, find "cocktail" attire, (shopping for clothes is my least favorite thing in the world to do!) My car needs servicing since it looks like I'm going in my car with a passenger. (I hate driving and especially with a passenger). There's the usual end of the year pressure at work to make budget and of course the company chooses this time of the year to send out projects on new frame pricing and that sort of thing.

Oh well, I suppose I will survive but I can't wait for things to calm down a little.

Today is Steph's 40th birthday. We celebrated it last night. I'd been working on her present for months and it was worth it, she enjoyed it. I found a big hat box with roses on it and filled it with some of her favorite things. It was a hit and then her husband took her out to eat and her daughter and I made her a birthday cake. We had a nice night.

I have to work today but am off tomorrow. I have a dentist appointment just for a cleaning and then I suppose I'd better get some shopping done and get my hair cut. I'm off again on Friday but my mother has asked me to help her prepare for a Christmas Party she is giving. And then I go to Atlanta on Saturday afternoon and will not be back until Monday.

Oh well, "tis the season" as they say! But I'm looking forward to my simple life again.

A Very Productive Morning....Right!

My schedule this week is a little different and I'm closing tonight which means I don't go in to work until 12:30 so I have a little time to do some things I need to do.

I've some jewelry I need to make, but I'm not really in the mood at the moment, so maybe not that.

I need to vacuum the dog hair on the rug but I don't really want to do that either at the moment.

Come to think of it, I don't really want to do anything but sit here and drink coffee. GO Figure!

In Seventeen Years.......

...a lot can happen. During that span of time your marriage can end and you can face the pain of explaining why it seems two little boys got divorced too. You can survive financial problems which includes garnishment of wages, being evicted, and losing your job. You can completely raise two very young boys to grown men. You can survive teenage rebellion and all that goes with that which might include the dangers of drugs and alcohol. You can lose your pride and slowly gain it back, you can face embarrassment and ridicule from the people that you thought cared about you. You can work three jobs and miss sports events where someone else's parents are cheering your kids on.

You can also experience the joy of having two boys who without doubt love you and survived it all side by side with you. You can stand proud beside those two little boys as men and know without doubt it was all worth it. You can experience the joy of becoming a grandparent and feel the warmth of that child's love and devotion. You take what you've been through and become a different person and you look back at all you learned and realized that it was all ok.

So....why does the person who walked away from our family seventeen years ago need my forgiveness now? And am I a big enough person to tell him I forgave him a long time ago for the pain he caused my children? Is forgiveness really forgiveness if you don't tell the person you forgive him, if you just know it in your heart? And what would he think if I told him his children forgave him a long time ago too and now they really just feel nothing for him? NOTHING is so much worse than anything I can imagine and I don't want to have to tell him that because he should already know that. But I'm sure he doesn't.

We've moved on, the three of us, my sons and myself are not the same people he knew then but he is the same. And that is the sad part. Mostly for him, not us.

Seventeen years is a long time in the span of a lifetime, especially in the life of a child. And you can't just say "I'm sorry" and it be alright. Those years are lost. I wish I could just tell him the best gift he could give to his sons is to leave them alone now. Just like he's done for the past seventeen years. It's a good gift. And it's one he chose to give so don't take it back now.

Tuesday Morning Ramblings

It's Tuesday which means I am up early for Conference Call. UGH!

It is cold here this morning but nothing bad like a lot of the rest of the country is having. (Am I nuts thinking of moving to the Pacific Northwest?)
Most people move to warmer places when they get older, I'm of course doing it backwards. But then I was always a little backwards!

I saw the sunset yesterday and the sunrise this morning and I can't decide which was more beautiful. They were both the kind that look as if the whole sky is on fire. I think it was a toss up.

Happy Tuesday!

Three Phone Calls

One I'm ignoring, hoping he'll go away and I'm mad because how can he possibly think anyone wants to hear anything he has to say after all this time! He thinks its ok to turn up every ten years or so but he doesn't know what havoc he plays with two lives. He's too self centered to know that and though for years I've tried to understand it, I am mad now and if you think a mother stops protecting her kids when they are grown you are wrong! It's too late!

The second one coming from my oldest son who once again needs help in the money kind of way. I help as much as I can and the money isn't what bothers me but the hope that this time he will be able to make it on his own is dampened. But its ok.

The third one I wanted and one that makes me smile and the voice on the other end always calms me and makes me know somebody cares for the right reasons. Just because I am me.