Sunday, June 25, 2006

Taking Out A Dream

Though I've not revealed in my writings all the dreams that I've quitely tucked away in My Cedar Chest, next week I may get to take one of them out and use it up. It is a dream I've had since I was about eleven or so and it's a dream that many people have but one I have doubted sometimes that I'd ever get to experience.
The Dream is to see a real life Orca in his enviroment. I can't begin to tell you how emotional this is going to make me and how scared I am that if I do see one, I'll burst out in tears! Last summer I saw wild dolphins and that's what they made me do. I wasn't prepared for that because although I love the dolphins it is indeed the Orca that I am nuts about.
And so, keep your fingers crossed for me on Friday, because that will be the big day. I am so excited, I can' t stand it. I have two days this week at work to get overwith before I go on Vacation~
Feel like a kid waiting for Christmas~


My youngest son, now 26 has always been the calmest human being I've ever know. His blood pressure is always below normal, (that's normal for him) and I've never seen him really excited or surprised about anything. That's not to say I've never seen him happy, he is in fact happy most of the time. His gift to adapt I guess is what I admire about him and always have. If plans fail some people (including myself) can become agitated but not Matthew. He starts planning another way. Any stress, disapointment, unhappiness, is very short lived with him as he moves forward.
That said, My daughter in law has tried several times to surprise him on birthdays, anniversities, and other things without success. He is always so aware of what is going on in his world that it's hard to pull anything over on him and his brain is quick to store things that seem out of the ordinary. After serving in the Navy for eight years he is out now and has taken a job with the police department. In a few weeks he has to go to the Academy and will do that for four or five months. Since I live three thousand miles away, I try to get up there at least once a year but circumstances concerning my other son and my job prevented me from doing that this spring. DIL calls me and asks me how possible it would be for me to come up with hardly any notice, during July the 4th and surprise him. At first I told her I just didn't see how I could do it but I'd check my work schedule and let her know. (I'm usually not one to do things on last minute notice, so I was doubtful I would do this, although I did so want to see him and his family.) Well, after that, it took on a life of it's own, and TADA! I'm leaving EARLY Wednesday morning on my journey. SURPRISE!! I hope we can pull it off because my DIL and me sure want to know how Matthew looks suprised! I'm very excited and am furiously doing laundry and packing today as I have to work up until the day I leave.

Friday, June 23, 2006

A Dream of my Son's come true

Living in Seattle for the last five years hasn't changed the fact that my son is die hard Georgia Bulldog Fan. He and his family are about to adopt a little English Bulldog, a dream of his for a long time. He's not quite ready for them to bring home but they visit often. A few more weeks with his Mama and then he gets to join them. Couldn't resist showing this pic they shared with me. So cute. His name is Ozzy.

A New Day

Ok, I should have known, before the night ended I got an appolgy. Maybe I am a big part of his life if not the most important thing. I can live with that, can't I?
Yep. I can. I'm a woman and that's the way most of us are. I admire the women who aren't.
Ok, off of that for now. This morning I had to stop off at the mailbox on the road in front of my place on my way to work, to mail something. And behind the box are woods, fenced off and part of the people across the street's property. Down the fence row came walking side by side two donkeys. Not what I expected to see first thing in the morning, but there they were and since my window was down and they stopped to stare at me I felt obliged to say, "Morning". And that fact alone convinces me I'm way past needing a vacation. And how was your day?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Hurt Hurts

You know when you have a certain person in your life and you know he'd never intentionally do anything to hurt your feelings or to make you feel bad? And you know when that happens, I mean when he Does hurt your feelings? And somewhere in your heart, even though you hid the fact well that he hurt you, you think he'll realize it and mention it and apologize because he's done that before, even when you hid it well that time too. Well, that's where I am tonight. And maybe I'm expecting too much,and maybe he's not as sensitive to my feelings anymore and if he's not, exactly what does that mean?
Sometimes maybe you just need a good cry and sometimes you have to face the fact that maybe, just maybe, you'll never be number one in his life, even though he is number one in yours. And if you're really honest with yourself, you'll admit that you've always known but you chose to ignore it. And isn't that just the way life goes?

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

A Bracelet I made this morning. It's Swarvoski Pearls and Crystals. Not sure I like it.

Dreaming again

Goodness! I've not blogged in a long time. Busy at work. Maybe it's the heat but people have been so hard to deal with. Seems they are mad when they come into our office and we are the perfect beating blocks I guess. It's like they all come in the same days too. I mean can't we have the nutty people spread out or something? Somebody opens the gate and says, "OK, all the mean and difficult people are allowed out this week" But in this case seems like they've been out all month. Maybe it's just me as I get older, or maybe it's this almost menopause stage I'm at in my life that I have not the patience I used to have. Whatever it's harder and harder at my job. But at least we are busy and they are spending money though with grudge, at least our sales are up for now and I hope they stay that way.
Anyway, I shall survive as I always manage to. But today I'm putting this dream in my Cedar Chest. I put the dream of not having to work anymore. I've worked since I was fifteen pretty much constantly. My dream is to have enough money not to have to work, to be able to make jewelry, read, travel, help others in whatever way I could , to be independent and not ever have to kiss someone's butt because I can't lose their business. Ah..........that would be nice.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Slip of words!

I just re-read my last post and I said there was won game, when it should have been one. LOL, wishful thinking I suppose and I decided to leave it that way.

Another dream to tuck away in the Cedar Chest

There's a lottery in this state and won of the games is called "Win for Life".
It's $1000 for life.
I never play the lottery. Once I worked with a group of people and we'd go in together and buy tickets but we only ever won a buck.
That 1000 bucks for life would sure come in handy. It wouldn't be enough so that I'd quit working but it sure would be nice "extra" income. Life having a husband's income without having to have a husband. Ummmm, that could work.
Let's see by the time tax comes out, maybe I'd collect around seven hundred. That would allow me to do a few things now that I'm not able to do now. It would allow me to help some people in my life from time to time. It would allow me to travel a more than once year to see my Granddaughter out west. It would be nice,even if I did have to keep working until I retire. Maybe I should buy a ticket soon, you never know!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Rain at Last

At last we have rain today. I think if I'd not had to work today I'd have gone out and walked in it. At least the heat broke and it actually was cool today but that won't last long, by Thursday we'll be hot again.
Not much going on now, just trying to make it day by day. Change is on the horizon though, I feel it in my bones. And I welcome it.

Monday, June 12, 2006

My five year old Granddaughter

My Granddaughter in Curlers

Her mom says she asked her to put her hair in curlers and then she posed with the phone. She says, "This may be a prelude to what to expect from her. Worried about her hair and talking on the phone." LOL, she could be right.

To Make the Pain Vanish

I had so many dreams for my firstborn. Almost twenty nine years ago when they first put him in my arms I thought I couldn't contain all the love I felt for him. Being barely nineteen at the time of his birth I knew absolutely nothing about being a mother. That of course didn't matter because those maternal instincts kicked in and all I knew was that I'd do whatever it took to protect him from any pain that came his way. How very naive I was.
Such a perfect baby he was. He was so perfect in fact that three years later when I gave birth to his brother I couldn't believe that this wrinkled red thing that seemed to be all limbs was mine! I laugh now but my first child came out with beautiful olive colored skin, perfectly proportioned body, a head full of hair and was the sweetest baby one could ever imagine. I guess I thought all babies were like that. And although his younger brother grew into those limbs and was just as beautiful around three months, he didn't come into this world like his older brother did.
During his early years he was the easiest child to raise one could imagine. But around the age of seven or eight something happened to his spirit, to his soul maybe. I'm not sure, but I do know he's fought demons ever since. There is no peace for him ever. His life is always in chaos. He nevers feels good enough, he creates so much drama for himself. He drains all of us dry, the ones of us who love him. But he doesn't think anyone loves him.
To see one's child in pain is so much worse than being in pain yourself. If I could take away his pain, cast it into my own heart, I would in a minute just so he could be happy and realize how special he really is.
I think back so often of what I could have done differently and though I don't know for sure if anything we did could have caused this, I'd still love to go back and do things maybe differently. His brother is a completely different person, and I raised him the same way. So who knows~
So, I'm putting another dream in the Cedar Chest tonight. I'm hoping and praying that my son will find happiness soon and know that he is of value. I'm hoping his pain will disolve and he can at last stand proud and stand on his own. Life isn't easy for anyone, but most of us learn to cope. I'm hoping he'll learn this soon.
My sweet, sweet, perfect baby.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

From the garden

Dazed and Confused.

For the past few days I've been in a daze really. Not sure why. I've had the weekend off, three days in fact, this being my last day. It could be the heat, around 100 degrees every day. It could be other things on my mind, not sure what it is. I've been plagued by allergies, especially a headache. Just in a daze is all I know. Ah ha! I've been hitting the allergy meds pretty hard, they make me like this too. So, there! I've figured it out.
Today will be too hot to do much of anything outside so I'm just gonna vegetate here in my little house and take it easy. My parents are coming home from their trip today so I'll have to go visit them this afternoon and look at the thousand pictures they have. I can handle that, really I can.
Bye for now.

Friday, June 09, 2006

No Explanations

In this little town where I live the population is probably around 12 thousand or so. It's a tight knit little place with most everybody having grown up here or in the area. My own roots are here although I didn't actually grow up here, both my parents did.
It's a town where some people still don't lock their doors at night or leave their keys in their cars. There is of course crime and even murders from time to time but this week a murder took place that has saddened the whole town. Usually the murders that occur are domestic disputes but this one was totally unpredictable and so very violent that it has shook our little town up and filled us with sadness.
Imagine this. A small town hardware store. The manager had been working there for over twenty five years. This is a farming town and even though Home Depot came in a few years back, there is still loyalty to the local store because this guy who runs the place is a fraternity brother, a childhood friend, your teacher's husband, your child's best friend's father. He is a member of your church, he is someone everyone knows and his big smile that greets you when you enter the store just makes you feel good. He is fifty three years old, has a pretty wife and three children who adore him. HE would, and probably has, given you the shirt off his back if you needed it.
Now, imagine this. In a town about 100 miles away, a prisoner who has been sentenced to fifteen years for armed robbery and drugs is released after nine years. The prison gives him bus fare to go to his hometown and he's to do that and go straight to his parole officer. The bus makes a stop in our little town which is about an hour from his final destination. He gets off here. He doesn't get back on the bus, instead he goes into several busiesses in town, acting suspicious, even to the point one store owner picks up the phone to call the police but when he leaves, the store owner hangs up and doesn't pursue it. A few doors down the prisoner enters the back door of a hardware store. When the manager sees him he asks what he needs and he tells him that he is robbing him, there is a struggle and just like that, the manager is stabbed in the neck with a knife and the prisoner runs out.
Even though paramedics are called and he is rushed to the hospital, he dies. The prisoner is caught late that same night in that same neighborhood and back off to jail he goes.
In just that short ammount of time, life is suddenly changed for a family and a town. No matter how hard you try to make sense of it, there is nothing about it that makes sence. And sometimes in life you just have to accept that.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

A Busy Week

I've not posted much this week, or even last really. The problem is that my parents who are on vacation in their RV, left me in charge of getting the eggs from their chickens, and watering my mother's plants. I've prayed for rain with no luck and it's been so dry and hot that I've had to water almost every day. The problem with this is my mother went overboard planting this spring and not only does she have hanging baskets everywhere outside but Day Lillies galore among other things and it's taken every moment I've not been working to take care of things.
THey are due back in two days and I'm ready to be relieved of my duties. Chickens are not my favorite things and there's a hen that insist on sitting on a nest of eggs. They told me to just reach under her and get them. That's not going to happen so perhaps we'll have baby chicks when they get home.
I'm going to bed now, one more day of work and I'm off for three days! For that I'm glad.
Good night.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

The customer is always RIGHT! Even when they're Wrong!

If you work in the retail world then you know what I mean when I say that there are days I go home and literally feel like I've been run over by a truck or beat up by ten people. Some days it takes all I've got to smile and be nice to people that are obviously out to make my day a living hell! Believe me, not everyone is like this, most people in fact are not. But those few that are seem to all come into the store on the same day or at least the same week.
Highlights of my day yesterday were dealing with a customer who swore her glasses had an odor. (She couldn't possibly wear them because they smelled so bad they made her sick to her stomach. Ummm, alrighty then) and a woman that insisted her glasses were not straight on her face no matter what I did to correct a problem that I didn't see. In both cases I finally just gave the customers a new frame and off they went. I've been doing this a long time so I know once somebody gets something in their heads, it's there, no matter what I say.
Sometimes people come in right after they've had a fight with their spouses or kids or somebody and take it out on us. Usually there is no pleasing these people and you just have to take their abuse and try not to take it personally. I know this is the case sometimes because we've actually had people call us back and appologize, saying they were upset about something else when they came to our store.
After a few angry or trying customers there usually comes in a really nice person that makes you forget the others and that is what happened yesterday. A satisfied customer who came in and wanted to let me know how pleased he was and how much he loved his glasses. That made it all worth while. Much is said about rude sales people but nobody realizes what most of us have to go through. My mother used to say that everyone should have to work retail at least once in their lives and then things might be different.
If you feel like you are getting bad service, of course let it be known but please let it be known if you got great customer service. It really helps us get through the day!
Happy shopping!