Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My Yesterday and My Year in Review

I am off today. Yesterday was a long day, I worked from nine until eight but the day went by fast as we were busy. You couldn't tell we were busy by the amount of money in our till but we have days like that. On these days we have patients who see the Dr. and will come back later for glasses or we are dispensing glasses or we are solving problems or we are adjusting or repairing or just making friends. If you work these days right it can bring people back in to you when they do have money.
At any rate we had a pleasant day, just three of us and my newest employee who is young and eagar to learn stayed with me until closing so she could learn to do that. She is very smart and I hardly have to explain things to her and she's got it.
My parents are taking their travel trailer to a campground not too far away just to get away for a few days. I always envy them this, I'd like to get away too.
It is not even five thirty here in the morning and I've been up for an hour. What can I say? I was done sleeping.
As this year comes to an end and I think about the year we are leaving it all seems so surreal to me. In January I made an appointment with a gynecologist only to cancel it when my step father had to have a heart cath and my mother needed me to go with them. In February I called again and made the appointment but I couldn't get in until March 3rd. On April 22nd I had a total hysterectomy, going in knowing there were some odd cells that looked very much like cancer cells. I was sent home to recover and then had an appointment with a radiologist. My son came from Washington and spent over a week with me and got to celebrate my birthday with me for the first time in a long time. Little did I know that was the last peaceful moment in time I'd have for quite a while. The day he flew home was also the appointment with the radiologist and he went with me, with the hope that I'd be told I didn't need any treatment. That was not to be. At first he planned to have me do 22 treatments but he wanted a Pet Scan first. With that news and Matthew leaving, that was not a good day.
Two weeks after this, my other son, my eldest, took his own life. Matthew got to come back but not for any celebrating. Haleigh and Amy came later. I can barely remember those last weeks in May. I don't know now how I functioned. Maybe I didn't.
In June I went for the pet scan only to find out cancer cells had spread and I was sent to the Chemo Dr. My nightmare just went on and on. I had one day surgery to have a port put in. I spent the whole summer and into the fall undergoing Chemo. Most of you went through it with me, thank you for that. And at last done, I had a little episode with the Port coming out, supposedly a simple procedure that turned out to be the worse experience my poor body ever went through.
After another scan in November I was declared Cancer Free and I went back to work the end of that month.
And now I look back and I just can't believe the year I had. It left me with battle scars for sure, both physically and mentally but the important thing is that I survived, and that's what life is all about. I put on my catcher's mitt and tried to catch all those crappy pitches life was throwing at me. And I just tried to do what I had to do and I found peace in knowing that whatever happened, it would be ok in the end.
And so I am not sorry to say goodbye to 2008. I have no idea what 2009 will bring but after a year like I've had I am hoping things will be better. It wasn't entirely a year of loss though. I found out that most people really care, I met people I wouldn't have known had I not had cancer. I got reacquainted with a granddaughter that I thought I'd never see again and though we are not close she does keep in touch with me with her cell phone and google chat and it warms my heart and I know Jonathan would be proud.
I am looking forward to my big adventure in 2009 of moving across the country to a new and strange land although each time I've visited it does not feel strange to me but very familiar. But then again home is where your heart is and my heart is definitely there.
HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A Very Personal Vent

As we age I guess we all develop habits that may irritate members of our family. And I'm sure what I'm about to share about my own mother is an age thing. I pray for understanding of this and hope not to snap at her every time she does it, it is really petty in the big scheme of things but sometimes it can be hurtful. Who knows what I'll do when I'm 71 that will drive Matthew crazy.
It started getting bad I guess a couple of years back. She and I would have a conversation about something and I'd state my opinion and then a couple of days later she'd say, John (my stepfather) says and then she'll repeat verbatim what I'd said a few days before. At first I'd ignore it, but after it happened a few times I'd say, "Mama, I said that." She quickly snap "Well John said it too!" Alrighty then. No big deal I guess if she wants to discount what I say and give her husband credit for it.
The really hurtful one came the other night though. A few weeks ago I shared with her a moment I'd had with Jonathan. He'd come to me and asked me why he couldn't just be normal, why he couldn't have a relationship, keep a job, manage his life. It breaks my heart every time I think of his questions. It hurts my heart that he was so lost and I couldn't help him. Well, the other night we were talking about him and sure enough she starts telling my story to me only it was her he'd gone to. I stopped her and said, "Mama, he came to me, I just told you this the other day." Quick as lightening she responded, "He came to me too!"
Perhaps he did go to her with the same questions, he was searching for answers but I doubt very seriously her answer to him was the same as mine. I reminded him what the last therapist had told him, that "normal" was just a setting on a dryer. I told him that I loved him the way he was and he would get it together one day. That was exactly what my mother said she told him.
I'm not sure why she does this and I've no doubt she doesn't do it intentionally, I just wish she'd admit to me when she does do it that she remembers our previous conversation, but she won't do that.
Ok, I'm done venting now. I am lucky to still have my mother in my life and without her with me during my last few months I don't know what I would have done. She is in good health but this habit of hers really gets to me sometimes. I try to understand it and not let it get to me, but it was hard to let that one slide off my back.
The mother/daughter dance is not an easy one sometimes.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Hi There

Friday night I did not sleep good and Saturday morning I did not feel so well, but thinking I'd be better I went to work anyway. Not hardly there I knew I had to come home. It was some sort of virus I guess. Yesterday I ached and had the chills but today I am much better thank goodness.
Hope all is well with everyone. I'll post a real post soon. Just checking in to let you know I've not fell off the earth.

Friday, December 26, 2008

And SO It's Over

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. We had a nice quiet day, eating, watching movies and eating again. My good eating habits have really gone bad lately but the first of the year I plan to get back to healthier eating habits.

I am working a half day today and the crowds at Walmart will be heavy this morning as people go for the after Christmas bargains. I doubt we'll do too much business but then again you never know.

I have lots of planning and packing to do after the first of the year. I'm excited to get started with it My wish is that I'll get my mother's blessings on this move, but that is not going to happen. Sadly. But enough of that, I'm sure there will be more in the future on this subject.

Today my Granddaughter turns eight! I can hardly believe she is eight! How did that happen? The pull to her is stronger than ever. I want to be there to experience things with her, to just be there. I don't want to miss the next eight years.

Happy Birthday Haleigh, Grandma's coming!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Happy Christmas Eve

Our party went well yesterday, everyone in good spirits and we had lots of goodies to eat and our White Elephant went well even though we all kept the first gift we got and nobody swapped out. I told them we are just boring people but maybe we are just proud of what we get the first go round.
Today I work until three o'clock and then I'll go up to my parent's where we'll have finger foods and open our gifts and that will pretty much be our Christmas but what a glorious Christmas it is. A few months back I had no idea if I'd be alive and well. If it was a wake up call I needed, boy did I get that. I've had a roller coaster of a year with loss and pain and joy and gratitude. As I reflect back and try to move forward, I can't help but think there is a purpose in my life I've not seen before. I've just got to figure it out and live to the best of my ability to fulfil that purpose.
One of my customers loaned me a book called The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck and it is wonderful. Read it if you haven't already.
And so I'm off to get ready for work. Hoping all of you a safe and happy holiday filled with love and family and friends.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Cold one Day, Hot the Next

Crazy weather here. It was freezing cold yesterday, freezing cold this morning but by Christmas day it will be 70 degrees. No white Christmas here.
I close today so I don't go in until noon. But as usual I am up early and working on the pot of coffee. Today is our Christmas party at work. We call it a party but we still have to work, so we just party in between patients and we eat. This year our White Elephant gifting should be fun.
We were busy yesterday which just proves you can't predict retail sales as this week is not generally a week that we are. Glasses are not a big Christmas item but there are people who are trying to use their insurance benefits before the end of the year so that helps us. And we love Flex cards as some people have money left over and glasses are a good way to use that up. SO who knows! Today we could be slow or not. No way in knowing.
Tomorrow we are open and I am working but we are only open until three o'clock so that will be a pretty short day. I have one of our part timers working with me, and the other girls have kids or family visiting or grand kids, so I try to always give them Christmas Eve off.
And so we are almost there and I wish you all the Merriest of Christmases. And have a great day today.

Monday, December 22, 2008

A Little Girl's Dream Come True

Nothing could I say would beat this picture this morning. Will she have a white Christmas? Doesn't matter, she's having fun now.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Just me Thinking

A few weeks back Tammy wrote a post about her Christmas pasts, present and future and it got me to thinking.
My Christmas pasts were wonderful as a child. Santa came to see me early on Christmas Eve because my mother just couldn't wait. She'd arrange for us to go somewhere always right after supper on Christmas eve and lo and behold when we returned home, Santa had come. I never remember waking up to Christmas morning Santa. I thought I was special because he came to my house early.
When I was a teenager Christmas got a little sad and I learned it was so much more fun seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child. When my parents divorced we moved near my Aunt and her kids so for the next few years it was nice. And then of course Christmas was fun with my own boys.
But suddenly I found myself all alone, with my grandchild far away and Christmas became more of a chore than a joy. As I browse other people's blog and see their families decorate the tree I realize what I've missed for a long time now. I can't remember the last time I have felt the Christmas spirit or felt true joy.
This Christmas I am extremely grateful to be alive and well. This Christmas I miss Jonathan who in his own way brought a little Christmas joy to me if only to just show up on my doorsteps and ask me to babysit his dog while he went to a Christmas party, like he did last year. Since Matthew moved away from home, I've seldom even had a tree up as he was the one who always made sure I had one.
As for my Christmas future, next year I hope to be helping my family decorate the tree. I hope to find magic through my granddaughter's eyes. I'm tired of being alone during this season. I'm tired of going through the motions and feeling short changed. But next Christmas I hope to be with the people I love the most in the world. Losing Jonathan, going through Cancer, these things have made realize more than ever that we're not promised tomorrow and I've wasted enough time!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

A Christmas Angel with a Turquoise Hat

Yesterday morning one of my first customers was a lovely woman who was 85 years old. She was just beautiful. She stood straight and tall with a sweet face and soft blondish hair which she told me without shame came from a bottle. It was hard to believe she was 85. She wanted to see the most fashionable glasses I had and also "Sara Palin" glasses (we get a lot of requests for these). We tried on lots of different styles before she finally chose a really pretty pair by Vogue. At one point as we stood by the frames she looked at me and touched my head covered by the head covering I was wearing and asked, with a twinkle in her bright blue eyes, "What's under that?"
I laughed and told her nothing, that I was still bald from going through Chemo. She told me her daughter had had breast cancer a few years back but that it was discovered really early and she was ok now. She then very shyly told me she'd since been crocheting hats for Cancer patients and wondered if I'd like to have one. I told her I'd love to have one. We finished her glasses purchase and she left.
Much later in the afternoon I looked up and there she stood, with a bag in her hand and her husband with her that was just as handsome as she was beautiful. I went to her and we sat down, she had brought about ten hats for me to choose from but almost immediately I saw the Turquoise one. I have hats and coverings to match almost all my clothes but I have a few things in turquoise that I've not been able to match and so I knew this was the one I wanted. In fact I hardly looked at the other ones. Her hand work was beautiful and I chose that one and gave her a hug and she says, "Now, if you really don't like it you don't have to take it."
"Are you kidding me! I love it and mostly because you made it and I will think of you every time I wear it." Her face just lit up and it was at that moment I knew she was an angel for sure. So I now own a crocheted turquoise hat that I will treasure forever.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Froggy Again

Well, it is still foggy and warm here, I think by the weekend it is suppose to change. One of my boys, I think Jonathan used to say "froggy" instead of foggy. I'm pretty sure it was him as Matthew didn't really speak until he was nearly two and he spoke very clearly. The only thing about Matthew was he got his pronouns mixed up and instead of saying "I want milk", he would say "My want milk". Jonathan spoke early but nobody could understand what he was saying much except me and sometimes I couldn't. He couldn't say Matthew, instead he'd say Baboo, and we called Matthew that ourselves for quite sometime. Poor Matthew.

I think I have an eye infection but the good thing about that is I work with an eye dr. I'm not sure that is what it is. My eye is sore, and feels like there is something in it but I can't see anything. I'll let him check it out when I get to work.
He treats a lot of eye infections and it is amazing really that we don't get many infections ourselves, I think I've had one in all the years I've worked in this field.
Other than that I am feeling really well. I am grateful for everyday. You tend to take that for granted until you go through something rough like I did.
I think for our party I am going to make Shirley's cheese ball and some sausage balls and maybe some butter cookies. The Dr.'s wife is bringing brownies, two different kinds. Brownies are my favorite. And I've still got to come up with my own White Elephant gift. Our party is coming up fast, it is on Tuesday.
I have beautiful eyebrows but not too much on my head yet. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll be bald forever. I have sprigs about an eighth of an inch. I'm trying to be patient. I read where someone used Head and Shoulders shampoo and she thought that helped so I'm using that.
Hope your day is a good one ,

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Just This and That

As much of the country is cold and having snow and ice, we are having early morning fog and highs of almost eighty.
Today is my day off. I have to go have one more blood test for the blood thinner clinic that has managed that for me. I will stop taking it today. Actually I've not taken it like I was suppose to for the last week or so, but the blood test is only to not leave me hanging and to make sure the blood is not too thin. I also have to go to the laundry mat. I have a new book to start, (a must have when you have to go to the laundry mat) and not too many clothes to wash so I should be back home by noon.
Our customers yesterday seemed to be on edge a little, but that is not unusual for this time of the year. We always just try and bear it the best we can and say, "Tis the Season". Christmas stresses people out and if you work in retail you are the enemy sometimes, even if you are as nice as you can be. Just goes with the work.
After the first of the year I've got to start packing my things. I am not taking anything big, just my personal stuff because I am going to live with my son and his family at first and I don't have anything big of real value to me or meaning except of course my cedar chest.
Anyhow........not much else going on for me. Hope your week is going well.

Monday, December 15, 2008

A Gift to You

THIS is really sweet. Click here. Merry Christmas!

Peaceful Sleep

After months of not being able to sleep so well, of taking ambien to help that, I am finally able to sleep without help from anything. Last night I went to sleep before ten and slept past six. Wow. It was a good restful sleep too, although I think I did get up once to go to the bathroom. IT is so nice to be off all that medicine.
I can hardly believe next week is Christmas. It is coming fast for sure. The girls voted to do the White Elephant thing for work and everyone will bring food. We'll do that on the 23rd as we are all working that day.
Our weather is weird this week, after weeks of cold weather, this week the low all week will be in the fifties.
I've drank way too much coffee this morning and need to get up and start getting ready for work. Hope you all have a good week and find a little Christmas magic somewhere along the way.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Exactly Why Is it That You Want to Move??

Forgive me for this post but that question has been swimming around in my head ever since it was put to me back during the summer. It was asked by my mother as we sat in a Doctor's office right after he had told me that I would need chemo. I was upset and I said aloud, "Looks like I'll never get to be where I want to be!" She and I, up until that moment had not talked directly to each other about me moving. She and my son had talked about it, and she'd told him she felt like I was desserting her . She had talked with other people about it and to them pretended to be so supporting of the move, but up until that very moment we'd not discussed it at all. And then to have it asked like that to me, I was shocked. Why indeed? I couldn't believe I had to even explain why.
My grandchild is there. She will be eight years old the day after Christmas. I have seen her only maybe twice a year since she was two. The only person I had left in the world that could call me Mama is there. Jonathan was always in favor of me moving there and after his death, I just knew I had to. I am so alone here. Sure, I am here when my mother's computer breaks down, I am here to add a third chair to their table at holidays. But I am not a part of their lives really. And they don't need me at all. They are healthy, and have each other. I have lived my whole 51 years within 60 miles of where my mother lives. Mostly I have lived on her land. We once, Matthew and I, asked them if I could buy my little piece of land, so I'd at least have something that was mine, but they would not sell it to me.
I understood Jonathan, he was the child most like me, only the feelings and pain that come from deep inside, I learned to handle years ago. Jonathan never learned that. Matthew is the child of my heart. It is hard to explain to someone who has not had that experience with another human being how that works. We can finish each other's sentences. We both have a lot of respect for each other's opinions, even when they differ. We share together the whole Jonathan experience in a way no other people did. We knew the "real" Jonathan. Jonathan almost made me have a nervous breakdown when he was a teenager and Matthew saved me. Even at thirteen he had the calmness, the stability that I needed. He is the one person in this world that accepts me unconditionally and allows me to be me without making me feel that is a bad thing.
Why exactly do I want to move to Washington? If I have to explain that to my mother, I suppose she'd not understand it anyway. AND that breaks my heart. But it doesn't surprise me at all.

The Legend of the Poinsettia

Do you know the Legend of the Poinsettia? I first heard it years ago when I was decorating our store for Christmas. In one of the display cases I decided the theme would be Poinsettias and Steph had just gotten a computer so she and I searched for some info on the plant and we came across the sweet legend. I've loved it ever since.
I found it on this site but I've borrowed it and copied it here.

The Legend of the

A charming story is told of Pepita, a poor Mexican girl who had no gift to present the Christ Child at Christmas Eve Services. As Pepita walked slowly to the chapel with her cousin Pedro, her heart was filled with sadness rather than joy.
"I am sure, Pepita, that even the most humble gift, if given in love, will be acceptable in His eyes," said Pedro consolingly.

Not knowing what else to do, Pepita knelt by the roadside and gathered a handful of common weeds, fashioning them into a small bouquet. Looking at the scraggly bunch of weeds, she felt more saddened and embarrassed than ever by the humbleness of her offering. She fought back a tear as she entered the small village chapel.

As she approached the alter, she remembered Pedro's kind words: "Even the most humble gift, if given in love, will be acceptable in His eyes." She felt her spirit lift as she knelt to lay the bouquet at the foot of the nativity scene.

Suddenly, the bouquet of weeds burst into blooms of brilliant red, and all who saw them were certain that they had witnessed a Christmas miracle right before their eyes.

From that day on, the bright red flowers were known as the Flores de Noche Buena, or Flowers of the Holy Night, for they bloomed each year during the Christmas season.

Today, the common name for this plant is the poinsettia!

© Paul Ecke Ranch All Rights Reserved

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Shared Stress

For the last few days, well since Wednesday morning, anytime I've had spare time I've been trying to help my mother get her computer fixed. It started out with an hour conversation with her server. The guy was not much help and I had to cut him short as I had to get to work. That night I spent another two hours with another very nice Indian guy that I had to learn how to understand (in my mind, my own thoughts are still coming with a slight Indian accent.} Finally after trouble shooting everything, he decided it was not a Bell South problem but a Microsoft problem instead. So, yesterday I was off and spent another two hours with a Microsoft guy (in India). Finally they found some corrupted files of her Zone Alarm (which in my opinion is a pain) but even after he disabled those files the computer was not able to browse the web so he tells me to call Bell South back! URG!
I just couldn't do it, I was tired and felt like they were just passing me back and forth. My mother, hysterical for someone who claims she doesn't need a computer, just couldn't believe I couldn't fix her computer. I suggested to her to take to someone and she gets upset because they will charge her a fortune!!!
I set it up to restore itself to an earlier time and came home. My mother is in such a mood that brings me down, she is stressed, and well, it was just better for me to come home. About an hour later she calls me and tells me she's fixed her computer! She says a window popped up saying it couldn't restore back to the earlier date and she just started clicking and the next thing she knew it was working, so HALLELUJAH!
Somewhere in between there we managed to get our boxes shipped to Washington, so I feel good to have those off in time for Christmas. I was beginning to think we weren't going to get that done.
Today I'm working and very glad!
Hope your weekend is a good one.

Friday, December 12, 2008

A Special Customer

We have a few kids who are regular patients of ours that come in on their own while their mothers are shopping. They are funny in that they feel comfortable enough to follow us right into the lab while we fix their glasses or clean them. They are not suppose to be in the lab but I've never said anything and they chat or ask questions about all the neat stuff in the lab. One such little fellow came in yesterday.

His face broke into a smile as he recognized me under my hat. "Where have you been?" he asked, "I wondered where you were." I smiled and told him I'd been off for a while but I was back now. He followed me into the lab to fix his glasses and he told me what he'd been up to in his ten year old enthusiasm and told me he was getting a Wi for Christmas and what games with it. All at once he says to me, "Did you get a haircut?" Now, my hat completely covered my bald head so I thought it was funny he asked me this instead of why I was wearing a hat. I explained to him that I had been sick and had Chemo and that made me lose my hair. His little face became so concerned so I quickly told him I was ok now and he smiled a big old smile and just like that he went off into what else he was getting for Christmas. Kids are so funny and honest and unafraid to just ask.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A Day with the Boss

Yesterday my boss was in town for an unemployment hearing but I wasn't sure she was going to even stop by. I should have known, she ended up staying the afternoon with us and even went and ate with me, and bought, which she very seldom does. While she was there she did a store visit and we came out good. She and I have known each other for years, in fact she hired me nearly 15 years ago. While we were having lunch she says, "I don't know why when I get with you I just talk and talk." She tries to stay professional at all times but when you've worked together as long as we have, it is hard sometimes. And this is the person I like the best, the one who takes off her professional hat sometimes, and so lunch was enjoyable, in fact her whole visit was the nicest one I remember in quite some time.
Our weather is heavy rain and winds. I don't have to get out in it until noon today as I am closing and maybe by the time I get off it will be over.
This weather is a business killer if you depend on customers to make money, which we do. Lots of no show appointments yesterday but maybe today will be better.
Thanks to all of you who gave me ideas on what to bring to our potluck. TOday I'll put it up to a vote about the gifts.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas on the Mind

Usually Wednesday is my day off but this week we are working a weird schedule, so I'm not off until Friday. And that's ok because I seem to feel better on the days I work. eye brows are coming in! YAY! They look strange at the moment but that's ok too, I can live with that.
I can't believe it is almost Christmas. I feel like I missed the summer. I feel as if I fell asleep in the Spring and woke up and it is Christmas time. Along with that though came a wonderful Christmas gift of being Cancer Free and everyday my body gets stronger.
Speaking of Christmas, the girls and I at work need to decide what we are going to do. We usually draw names but this year because nobody seems to have money I wonder if they'd rather skip the gifts and just have food or maybe a white elephant gift. Very seldom do we all work at one time but we're all there on the 23rd so I'm thinking that will be the perfect day. Steph always makes those little sausages in the crockpot and Loni does punch with ginger ale and sherbet and I need a yummy something to take. Any suggestions?
I hope your day is a lovely one today.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008


This is my mother's Christmas Cactus or is it the Thanksgiving Cactus, she has both and I never know which is which, but I always think they are pretty.
I am up early as usual. This is Conference Call morning but I still have over an hour before that. Sweetie is outside exploring as it is not so cold this morning and she is staying out longer than usual. I have my coffee and I don't go into work until noon because I have to close tonight.
I still have no hair. I have some baby fine stuff that you can't even see, I can feel it. I'm beginning to worry as it has been about seven weeks since my last treatment and some of what you read says it starts coming back within six weeks for some folks. Oh well, I'll just have to be patient I guess.
This Friday is payday and will be the first whole check for me for quite some time. So grateful that I had the disability insurance, it sure got me through while I was sick. Insurance is a wonderful thing on so many levels and I am so grateful I had it.
And over the weekend I got an email from Haleigh that said something like this, "Dear Grandma, I am so glad the Cancer is all gone. Are you coming, huh, huh, huh?"
Yes Haleigh, I'm coming, you can bet your bottom dollar!
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Monday, December 08, 2008

Just a bit of Boring Blogging

As predicted my day off yesterday was pretty uneventful. I watched movies and read my book and took a nap and ate. I watched Nim's Island, which was a really sweet movie and Step Brothers because I have this thing for Will Ferrell movies no matter how bad they are. He cracks me up, just looking at him makes me laugh.
Today starts a new week and it is COLD this morning but rain is coming and the next few days will be warmer, just wet I think.
And getting up and going to work is still wonderful to me. I guess when you aren't able to work it makes you really appreciate when you can. I hope the next time I'm off for any amount of time it will be to move.
I'm reading a new author, Jane Green. The book I'm reading is called Beach House. I swear I've read at least three other books called Beach House or some variation of that title. And I'm drawn to them every time. This one take place in Nantucket. It is a good read and I'm almost done with it.
And that is about all I know, my life is pretty boring at the moment, thank goodness. Hope your week is a good one.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Tired but Happy

Last night I was more tired than I've been since going back to work. We had a great day, it was pleasant and we were super busy and had a great money day and that is a good thing.
Our Dr. is off today so it will be slower and I don't go in until noon so I get some extra rest this morning but I had a good night's sleep and I feel good this morning. I am off almost all meds which is a good thing. I am sleeping now with no help from drugs and I'm off the iron and have only a week and a half to be on the blood thinners.
Tomorrow I am off and I have three Movies to watch and two books to read and so that is all I intend on doing. Oh, and I have to redo one of the bracelets I sold to the lady at the Cancer Clinic who wanted them, she asked me to make one with two extra beads and now she's decided she needs one bead off. URG!!!! That will mess up the pattern and I just about can't stand to do that and it is one of the reasons I don't like to make jewelry for people. But I will do it.
Anyhow......that is my life at the moment. Hope you have a good weekend and get to spend it with the people you love the most.

Friday, December 05, 2008

The News

Well, the news is good. No radiation. The Dr. said he wouldn't know where to start if he did. The scan is so clear, it shows no sign at all of disease and he said if he did try it, he'd only make me sick. So thank God and prayers and now I can go on with my life.
Matthew told me to quit making excuses now about moving, lol. I'll still have to have check ups for a year every three months, and I'm still trying to get over chemo but I feel really good and work has been easy.
And so I am really celebrating today and just so thankful.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

I Find Out Today

Today I work half the day and then I have the appointment with the radiologist. He will let me know what the decision is about having radiation. I am praying for it not to happen but I can accept whatever they think best. I think. It's just that everyday I am feeling stronger and stronger and I really hate to get hit with the radiation, but we will see what happens. I am so thankful I responded to the chemo so positively, I really shouldn't complain about anything.
My Mom and I have to get busy and get our Christmas box mailed out to the kids in Washington. This time of year the mail starts moving kind of slow so we try to get it out early. Yesterday I was off and wore myself out doing laundry. I have to go to the laundry mat as my washer and dryer both died last year and I've not replaced them since I am moving and not taking too much with me. And everything I owned was dirty. My mom did my laundry for me while I was sick, but I only took her what I had to have so I had some catching up to do. But now everything is clean.
Whatever you to today, I hope you have a good one.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Boots and Little Girls

It is my belief and conviction that every little girl should have a pair of boots. Sometimes little southern girls don't really get boots as they aren't really needed as a necessity but at around age five, wise Santa Clause brought me a pair of White Majorette boots and it was love at first sight. They looked a lot like these. I squeezed my poor little feet into them until I probably ruined my toes for life but I loved them. I'd polish them with white shoe polish and rub them until the shine came back and I thought I was something.

Later I discovered Cowgirl books. Good old Santa delivered them as well when I was around eight. They looked something like this.

And then when I was thirteen and really into Native Americans I found in the Speigel Catalog a pair of Suede Brown Boots, with Tassels and I begged for them. They way back then cost way too much money and I figured begging wasn't going to get me anywhere, but I wore the page out looking at them and lusting for them. To my surprise and delight, wrapped under the Christmas Tree that year was those boots. They were the best boots I'd ever owned and I wore them out! They looked a little like thi v>
And so I guess that explains why starting last year I've made sure my little name sake has a pair of boots. We bought this years yesterday, and I know she loves them as much as I ever did. Having a pair of boots is a MUST when you are a little girl and that's the truth!
> And anyway, putting a smile on a little girl's face is always worth it, plus, no little girl should go through life without a funky pair of boots. And that's the Truth!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

An Odd Dream

I dreamed the other night that I woke up and TADA! Hair! Only thing is it sort of looked like Suri Cruise's hair, only lopsided, longer on one side and the bangs really uneven but I was so proud to have hair, it didn't phase me. Crazy dreams!
I do have some hair, single little sprouts, about an eighth of an inch long and so far no bottom lashes. But it has only been six weeks since the last chemo and most of what I've read says two to four months before enough grows back to really see.
It's my day to close at work so that means I go in at twelve thirty and get off at eight thirty but I'm up very early, and the regular Tuesday conference call has been put off until tomorrow. It is cold this morning but I'm thinking toward the end of the week it will warm up.
And that's about all I know this morning. Coffee's ready and calling my name.
Hope your Tuesday is a good one.

Monday, December 01, 2008

No Monday Morning Blues Here

Well, the rain is gone and Cold is back, brrr! In our store you never know what will be pouring in through the vents, heat at full speed or A/C. Doesn't seem to matter what the temperature is. We've been told, and I'm not sure how true it is that the heat and cool is controlled in Arkansas which is where Walmart's main office is. We have no thermostat in our office, so who knows! I'll layer.
Yesterday my five hours were long, I didn't have too many customers and I got all my paperwork done and then I worked on a training I'm behind in. But the hours went by very slowly, but it was a nice day. After work my mother called and invited me for a bowl of vegetable soup and after that, so tired was I, I came home and soon went to sleep.
Now that the Contact Lens sale is over, the company will focus on people who have insurance and flex accounts, reminding them by automated calls and post cards that it's close to the end of the year and if they don't use their plans they'll lose them.
I just heard my coffee pot make that last big puff so I'm going to get my first cup and listen to the news and then I'll get ready to start my day. Smiling, and so glad I'm able to.