Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Right down below my house is a tiny little church. It was established in the 1800's and though no longer used regularly, once a year the families of the origional members have services there and "dinner on the grounds." That means lunch outside. All the ladies bring their specialities. This picture is of a picnic table there, build many years ago by a member. It really amazes me, the design is interesting and it has weathered hot sun, terrible storms and all the elements for who knows how many years. Yet here it stands, sturdy as can be.
Friday, March 28, 2008
I would rather be packing my bags for a long trip to somewhere, anywhere.
I would rather stay right here with my little dog, Sweetie snugged in my lap.
I would rather be eating grits and eggs and bacon and toast with butter and jam instead of shredded wheat and a banana.
And so with that said, I willl get ready for work. Which is what I'd better do.
Have a good day!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Remember that bizarre story a few years back when there were two girls in an accident and they got them confused and the wrong one was pronounced dead? There's a Dateline story on that tomorrow night that I want to try and remember to watch. Can you imagine how that was for the families? I cannot imagine!
It's a little foggy this morning. Looks like smoke on the water across the street on the neighbor's pond.
I'm due an audit at work and keep thinking my district manager will show up anyday to do it. Have a feeling it could be today. I want to get it over but when she shows up it upsets the whole routine at work and I don't know if I'm up for that or not. But we shall find out.
Happy Thursday to you~hope your day is a good one.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I really should have been doing some of the things I needed to do but instead I played. I needed the fresh air and the sunshine though. I got to reconnect a little with nature and remember what is really important in this life we are living, for that I am grateful.
So, good bye perfect day. I'm glad we had this time together.
I felt the need to sit and think,
To reconnect with my own self.
And on this earth bestowed to us,
I found the perfect place.
And I was reminded there how Nature works,
In perfect harmony with no discord.
Included in the perfect unity is me.
And I know I am right where I'm suppose to be,
At just the right time I am destined.
And I am at peace.
I've got somethings I need to do today, I need to get my house ready for me to come home to after my surgery, and I need to do some cooking for meals to freeze so I can just pop something in the microwave. I need to do laundry and some housekeeping in general, but we'll see how far I get with that today. I've been so tired all week and so far I've felt no surge or energy yet. But I probably could push myself a little.
I smile everytime I look at the picture I've posted here. This bush is really suppose to be a shrub. It is in my mother's yard and it is a constant subject of conversation between my mother and step-father. In the spring, when it starts to bloom ,he wants to trim it back. She does not. It takes up over half of one side of the yard. It is quite spectacular to look at. He is right, it is wild and out of control but it is just a burst of bright pink blooms and she just can't bear to trim it down one bit. This conversation between the two of them happens every year, it is a Spring tradition I guess. They have no idea what kind of bush it is. But the nesting birds love it. It's a haven for them and pretty soon we'll see baby birds flying out.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Humankind has not woven the web of life.
We are but one thread within it.
Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves.
All things are bound together.
All things connect.
Chief Seattle, 1854
If you've followed this blog for awhile, you know I find great comfort in Native American art, photos, music, and wisdoms. I'd gotten away from it some but it always comes back to me and at times when I need it the most the words speak to my heart.
I'm concentrating now on eating good and getting in shape for my hysterectomy that will be the third week of April. I probably should be a little more nervous than I am but for now I am at peace with it and actually looking forward to getting it done and getting on with the healing process.
It's funny how life takes turns you could never imagine and that one day you have to deal with things that you never thought you would. But life is like that. We all face obstacles and it's not really what the obstacle is that matters but how we handle it and the choices we make to get through it. Each of us have a different destiny but we're all in this together.
I want to live my life with dignity, I want to be true to myself, I want to gain strength by the obstacles I face and overcome. Most of all I just want to overcome.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I'd sometimes listen to the discussions, not understanding much but as a five year old I loved the sound of their voices as they passionately talked about this or that.
The special thing about him was that he never ignored me and always had a dime in his pocket that he'd hand me right before he'd leave. (Believe it or not, 45 years ago a dime would buy an ice cream cone at the drugstore.)
He always made me feel important and he was always very attentive to what I had to say. He was the kindest man I had ever met at that time. For some reason I never called him Mr. Hart or as it the custom down south, I never called him Mr. Felix either. I simply called him Hart.
Years later I realized I thought for the longest time his name was Heart. And maybe that's why I always just called him that because that was what I thought he was, a nice man that had such a big heart that was what his name should have been. It fit and it made since. And it is in my heart where his memory lives, even after all these years.
We lived in that house for a few more years and then moved and lost touch with Mr. Hart.
Isn't it funny he made such an impression on me at the age of five that I will never forget him?
Today I will have lunch with my mother and step-father. I don't think we'll be hiding eggs, but because my mother is cooking you can bet we'll have good food.
My heart is not here, it is with my granddaughter. I saw her last back during their summer visit but it seems like a lot longer than that.
I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope you find the prize egg if that is what you are looking for.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
As you may know, Easter is always the 1st Sunday after the 1st full moonafter the Spring Equinox (which is March 20).
This dating of Easter is based on the lunar calendar that Hebrew peopleused to identify Passover, which is why it moves around on our Romancalendar.
Found out a couple of things you might be interested in!
Based on the above, Easter can actually be one day earlier (March22) but that is pretty rare.
This year is the earliest Easter any of us will ever see the rest of ourlives! And only the most elderly of our population have ever seen it thisearly (95 years old or above!). And none of us have ever, or will ever, seeit a day earlier! Here’s the facts:
The next time Easter will be this early (March 23) will be the year2228 (220 years from now). The last time it was this early was 1913 (so ifyou’re 95 or older, you are the only ones that were around forthat!).
The next time it will be a day earlier, March 22, will be in the year 2285(277 years from now). The last time it was on March 22 was 1818. So, no onealive today has or will ever see it any earlier than this year!
First my boss, who is quite the dedicated company person, apologized to me, in person no less. I've dreaded telling her for quite some time that I was going to have to be out of work due to surgery. Timing is never right. And now that I've waited until it just can't wait any longer, I have really got to do this. And so this week I broke the news to her that I would be out for probably two months. She pointed out to me that I would be out during the contact lens event that we have twice a year and is really a big big thing for us. And that is just not a good time for a store manager to be out.
That hurt me for a lot of different levels. First of all, I can't help this. It has to be done. Second, it means she doesn't have enough faith in me that I've hired a great team of people who can do it without me. (isn't that what a good manager does??). And I've known her for 14 years and she knows my work history, she knows I wouldn't be doing this if I could help it, or at least I thought she knew it. She made me feel like crap!
But on Thursday she showed up at our store at the end of the day. She was traveling through so it wasn't an official store visit or anything. After chatting a bit she finally apologized for putting pressure on me about not being off during that time. "Of course your health is what is important." Although it would have comforted me so much to hear those words to start with, it was nice to get them at that point and I was relieved. I realize more than anyone that managing people is hard, but you can't lose sight that you are managing people and although you want what is best for the business, you can't forget the human factor.
The second apology came yesterday. Its a full moon and we've had our share of people affected by that this week. One of my first customers was very ugly to me yesterday, no matter what I tried to do to help him. He actually came back yesterday afternoon and asked for me and apologized. He told me he just wasn't himself that morning and it had bothered him all day about how badly he had acted. I graciously accepted and all was well.
None of us are perfect, we all have bad days and we all say things sometimes that we don't really mean. We are human. But an apology goes a long way.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
A nice rain came today, at first it was pretty bad with wind. But then it slowed down and my little dog and I even took a short walk in the rain. It wasn't exactly a warm rain but not cold either. It was nice. We both enjoyed it.
She has short hair that repels water so I didn't even have to dry her off before she came back in. I, on the other hand got drenched. But after I changed clothes and toweled my hair and had a nice cup of tea, this peacefulness came over me and that is where I still am. I like this place.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
I am so ready to see Blue Skies in my life. But I still have obstacles to go through. Still I can see the blue peeking through and although I wish I could just push through the branches that hide the view, I know I am on my way and before long I will have a full view of the most beautiful Blue Sky.
Conference call day today, Dr.'s appointment tomorrow to see when we can go on with the plan to help me feel better and I am so ready to do that.
I'm a little bummed about Easter. For the past few years I've been able to spend Easter in Washington State with my Granddaughter. Doesn't feel normal to be here this year. I wish I were there, more than you can imagine.
Ok, got to get on my call. Have a great day!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
You just experienced a Hot Flash with me. Fun huh?
The man in my dreams is an older Chinese fellow. He is dressed in beautiful Chinese garb and he is pushing a wheelbarrow down the road. I am standing on the side of the road watching him come toward me from the left. He goes right past me, never says a word. His wheelbarrow is empty and his expression is serious and determined. As he passes me he stares right into my eyes but doesn't smile or change his expression in any way.
I continue to watch him as he passes me and he never looks back. I remember thinking in my dream, "Why doesn't he look back?"
My little Chinese man is trying to tell me something. And I got it. Message received loud and clear.
If I had a porch , I'd spend the entire day out there. I'd have a good book, I'd eat out there, I'd relax and take in all the beauty of this gorgeous day.
I've wanted a porch for so long. The next place I live will have a porch for sure, I hope. Another dream added to the Cedar Chest.
These guys are running me nuts. For almost a week now I've been plagued with "Sounds of Silence" stuck in my head. I can't get rid of it. Someone said the way to get rid of an earworm is to listen to the whole song and that will be the end of it. Nope, made it worse. So...........
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Within the sound of silence. (written by Paul Simon)
No sounds of silence in my head!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
I NEED a vacation but because of my up coming surgery I have to save my vacation and sick time to use it then. I really need to take a short trip to somewhere and see something a little different.
I have to work tomorrow but I am off Sunday. Tonight I stopped and got a sandwich from Subway and came home and swallowed it and haven't moved since. I am tired. We had a pretty busy day at work today. And that's a good thing.
So here I sit, making safety pin flags and watching Dateline. Wild Friday night for me for sure.
Nothing much new going on with me lately. Hope your weekend is a good one.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I was off yesterday but spent a good bit of it with medical stuff. I hate it. But it is all necessary to get me where I am feeling right again.
My coffee is brewing and I am resigned to sit here for well over an hour and listen to my boss and the other managers talk about how to increase sales, how to train employees, yada, yada, yada. I am not in the mood!
Ok, enough complaining here! I got to do what I got to do. And it sure could be worse. But just for the record, I'd love to go back to bed and close my eyes and sleep just a little more.
Monday, March 10, 2008
...if you ever need someone to relay to you how wrong you've been about things, or that you made the wrong decision or to remind you if you'd taken care of a situation earlier things wouldn't be so hard to deal with now. If you need this sort of person in your life, send me your phone number and I'll have my MOTHER call you. She is an expert at this! And that's all I'm saying!
Saturday, March 08, 2008
I want to learn to play the flute, And not just any flute, I want to play the Native American flute. Its sounds float inside me and awaken feelings I can't explain. The sounds relax me so and take me to a place that brings me hope.
I want to learn to play this beautiful instrument made of cedar, hand carved by someone who does it with such love and care and respect.
This doesn’t cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors /advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.
Pass it along to people you know.
On a more personal note, I survived a Dr.'s appointment to the GYN which had been way over due, have faced the fact that there is a hysterectomy in my very near future and had a mammogram.
And so as we move forward we'll see how it goes. I may in fact, since I hate to flood this blog with my medical state and details of my experience, start a new and separate blog just to keep up with this journey. We'll see. I'll know more Monday about what the plans will be.
In the meantime, DON'T forget to Spring Forward in time, else you'll be late for church or work or whatever you plan tomorrow.
Friday, March 07, 2008
My mother and aunt had their last periods in their forties. Neither of them remember having one hot flash, mood swing, irregular anything. That was that. They never looked back. I would have liked to go through this pause like that. Not going to happen.
But I am dealing, I have no choice and at least now I am going to the Dr. which is a big deal for me since I really hate that. Today I go for a mammogram.
But this morning I feel so old.........ancient, and I'd like to stay home with the covers pulled up over my head and not face the world. I feel like crying for reasons I don't even understand.
And I understand why years ago men put their wives away during this time. No wonder they thought they were going mad! I am so not the person I used to be. I've lost myself somewhere. I know I'm still there somewhere.
Because I am looking most probably to having a hysterectomy I've done nothing but read and read and research and now I am over loaded with information and I've over done it for sure. I need to stop reading now. I need to stay focused on getting this over with and then maybe I can get on with my life.
Please excuse this entry. It probably makes not much sense to anyone. Just rambling this morning and in a Oh Woe is Me mood. I'll get better. I promise.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
This is Vicki. She works with me. We had a rough day at work yesterday. Our patients can be very demanding and it wears us all out when they all happen to be this way, which is the way it has been all week.
Vicki went home last night at six, leaving me to close the store at eight since it was my night to do so. I know Vicki was worn out when she went home, we all were.
I stayed pretty busy even after she left. At some point I was waiting on a customer and looked up to see Vicki's daughter standing there patiently waiting on me to get done. She was holding a container and a pack of crackers. It was Chili! Still warm from the crock pot.
And it brought me JOY that Vicki took the time to share her supper with me and to take the time to come back to the store and bring it to me. Thank you Vicki, it was yummy and filled my tummy and my heart. Double Duty Chili!
Isn't it funny the things that stick in your memory from childhood?
My grandmother always had a picture hanging in her house that always intrigued me. As a child I would look at it and study it and try and imagine who this boy was and what toys he had and I always thought he looked so nice, like someone I'd like to be friends with. I also thought he looked very rich. Although from another time in history I tried to imagine what his everyday life must have been like.
My grandmother told me it was a copy of a famous painting called Blue Boy. I looked it up in the World book and read about the artist. It was the closest I came to be exposed to true art as a child.
When my grandmother died, I asked for the picture which was only an inexpensively framed dime store version and only a 5x7 picture. I'm sure it would have just ended in the trash but it was important for me to have him. I needed him. And I still have him somewhere packed away.
Of course with the Internet I've learned other things about him, Cole Porter even wrote a song about him. He's even appeared in movies. HE is now hanging in Huntington Library in San Marino California.
I'd like to one day see the real painting. Putting this dream in my Cedar Chest for now.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Anxious to hear all about your experience. I bet it was awesome!
Years ago, before I accepted that I have no desire or talent to grow things, I planted some Narcisssus bulbs. They never amounted to much and never really did so well. There was a time when I moved from this area for ten years and about nine years ago I came back here. The first Spring I was back I noticed one little bulb had popped up in the area which in no way is a flower bed anymore. It was just a single little Daffodil standing proudly. I knew that Spring had arrived for sure. Every year that has sort of been my gage for the coming of Spring.
THIS year LOOK! Count them, there are eight of them! My goodness. I am nearly going to have a flower garden. I'll take pictures as soon as they bloom and then we'll know Spring has arrived and this year my one little flower is bringing a crowd.