Friday, August 31, 2007

At the center of your being you have the answer;
You know who you are and you know what you want.


Friday Night Ramblings

People were strange today, or maybe it was me. Maybe it's that everyone was a little off axis today. Whatever, it was a strange day. Lots of movement. In this part of the country lots of people depend on government checks and today was payday.

It's also Labor Day Weekend so people have plans, going and coming and buying food for the summer's last hoo-rah.

It's also the beginning of Friday night football games at the high schools. There were cheerleaders running around excitedly through out Wal*Mart, which is our major and only store around here. And so it is a gathering place and a busy place when people here have a little money.

I, myself, having resigned to the fact that I have to work all weekend, including Labor Day, came home and promptly made a pot of coffee and am relaxing and relishing the quiet of my home.

I have also come home with two paperbacks of which I'm not sure why I bought except that the lady who was standing beside me at the store browsing the books insisted I had to read them both! Not sure why I felt the need to please her, I didn't know her from Eve but hey, she really insisted! And although they are not the kind of books I enjoy that much, I am familiar with the authors and have at times read them. And they will be entertaining, complete with a mystery that I will probably figure out before it is revealed. They are by two of those authors that I feel like churn out books really fast and just for the fact of making them and their publishers rich. At one time they probably did write books that meant something to them but I'm sure the publishers push, push, push and I think the writing suffers. Just my humble opinion you know.

At this point in my life I look for something different in my reading material. Something that makes me think and feel. I like authors who come close to saying things in a way you've never thought of. But I guess I'll just read these two for the entertainment and not worry about it. At least they aren't Harlequin Romances!(not that I don't love a good love story.) And after all, it made a little lady happy that she could recommend these books and that I actually bought them. She bragged to me that she must have over two hundred books at home.

So, that's enough rambling if you're still with me. The truth is, my body is here in Georgia but my heart is in several other places. SO there's a sad saga if I ever heard one!

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Learning About Poetry

For the last few Thursdays, I've so enjoyed what Aisling is doing on her site. She tells about a certain kind of poetry and then writes her example of it.

In fact she uses different forms of poetry names for herself and her family, so Aisling is poetry you see. Quite literally she is as well because she is very talented.

I've loved poetry forever but I've never studied it and my free form is all I've ever written and mostly for my own enjoyment.

I was familiar with Haiku and had been enjoying that but Aisling has opened my eyes to many others. It's a challenge to try my hand at these different types, to follow the rules and see how easily it can flow (or not).

Tonight she discusses Sijo. Pop over there and read the one she wrote. When I read about this I knew exactly what I wanted the subject of my Sijo to be.

Tuesday night when I came out of work the full moon greeted me in all it's glory. While I stood there admiring it, it slipped behind a cloud. I was so disappointed because I didn't get to see it as long as I wanted to. So with that inspiration, I dedicate this to Aisling and thank her for introducing me to a world of poetry that I didn't know existed. Here's my first attempt at writing Sijo.

Were you joking Moon, when you hid behind that dark cloud?
I had not enough time to admire you in your brilliance.
And then you peak out; smiling moonglow upon me and I laugh.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Inch by Inch

Everyday I get a little braver and a little stronger in this decision I've stuggled with for so long but here's the deal. I must do it in my own time, so little by little I'll get to my destination. At least I'm getting there!

3 Bracelets and a Necklace

This is a little different, it is a long necklace with copper chain and gemstones and a mixture of bling as the center.

The camera just doesn't pick up those big glass green beads, they are really emerald and I paired them with amethyst.

Turquoise and Pearls are pretty together I think.

This one is gray pearls and red glass.

Clutter of the Mind

Today is my day off and I'm in a strange mood. I've thought long and hard how to even describe this mood, but I can't, so I won't.

I can tell you I really should be doing something around here, household chores and such. I have to work all weekend and won't have the time or energy to do these things then. Today however, I have no desire to accomplish much of anything. SO, I probably won't. After all, it's only me who lives here, so what the heck?

I've spent a lot of time this morning reading other people's blogs and researching some things on the Internet. Also I've been doing a little more planning on my Mom's birthday party.

It's my brain I need to work with today. My mind feels cluttered of bits and peaces of things that I've left half thought out, so I think I will try to sort things inside this brain a little. Do a little housekeeping there!

And so that's about it for now.

Oh, I wanted to share another of those Grand Canyon pictures. I love this one. Looks like this little creature is looking over his kingdom.

I couldn't resist...

You Are Emerald Green

Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you.
Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show.
People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate.
But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Long Day....

...and I'm glad it's over. Too tired to blog tonight, nothing much going on, nothing much on my mind tonight. I do wonder however, how it is I've lived 50 years and haven't seen just one of the Seven Wonders of the Modern world. That's a real shame. This beautiful picture was sent to a friend from a friend of his and it is just too spectacular not to share here. It reminds me of all I want to see in this world and until I saw the pictures he sent, I didn't even know that the Grand Canyon was one of them. I think I just have wanderlust. A bad case!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Hey, someone visited my blog from a place called Saltburn-by-the-Sea. Well, I just had to find out about a place with such an interesting name. Turns out it's in England. It looks like a lovely place too. Look here. Now I've got a new place to add to the list I'd like to see.

And if you happen to visit again, Saltburn-by the Sea, I like the name of your town.

If things had of been different....

.....I could have spent the coming weekend in Louisiana. But I have to work the whole weekend including Labor day. No way to change it or swap out, just couldn't work it out. My friend is working there but he is leaving soon and this was our last opportunity. Just my luck!

Yesterday he passed by this plantation house in White Castle La. and snapped a pic for me on his phone. This one is called Nottoway . It's 53,000 sq.ft., can you imagine that? WOW! It was build in 1857 with a fortune made in sugar cane. It has 50 rooms, the fellow who build it had 11 kids!

It is said to have been the first plantation home to have a bathroom on the second floor. It is open now for tours and has a bed and breakfast.

Just Another Monday

Today was ok for a Monday. Business was kind of slow though but that was ok, gave us a little break and allowed me to clean off my poor desk. It has been a little not so organized for a while now as one of my sales associates has been out sick for what seems like most of the summer. She's back now so things should be a little better.

I am in need of a real break, not just a day or two. My assistant manager and I have been with the company for quite a few years and we have lots of vacation time but it is so hard to actually get to take it. I always know when I'm ready because I loose patience with people and I can't do that in the business I'm in. So, I have to be very careful. I have a week planned off in November when I'm planning to do the birthday bash for my Mom but I sure could use some time before that. That doesn't look promising. BUMMER!

I could be wrong but if I suddenly came into a lot of money, I wouldn't be one of those people who would just keep on working. I can always think of a million other things I'd rather be doing, (none of which would earn me money). If I ever won the lottery and was set for life I'd give my notice so fast. I've worked since I was 15 years old and I'm tired of it! But, that's life huh? You do what you got to do.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

The Game of Un-Concentration

I've had the hardest time concentrating on anything today. Could be this "pause" going on in my life I suppose. It is a symptom, but whatever it is, I've not been able to sit still to read any of my 4 books.

I've got three new movies. I've started two of them and never finished. I decided to tackle cleaning my closet only to get into it and decided I didn't want to be doing that now.

I had a terrific idea for a necklace made with copper wire and chain and glass beads. Guess what? I got it made only to think it was the ugliest thing I've ever seen! I lost interest in doing it over. Not in the mood for beading.

It's a good thing I put my dinner in the crock pot this morning or I may have eaten half cooked food or something!

Oh well, what can I say? Some days are just like that.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

I just realized....

...that I am currently in the process of reading 4 books at the same time. Not sure how that happened. I've been known to read 2 at the time, but 4!

I even amaze myself sometimes! (It really happened by accident and I won't bore you with the details of how.)

Haiku Time

It has shown its rage

blazing in all its glory

the sun finally relents

I've not said anything until now.....

...but I do believe the heat wave has broken. Today's high will be 92 degrees which sounds wonderful to me. No signs of Fall yet, which is my very favorite season of the year, but it can't be too far away.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Off to work I go, I go

I have to close again tonight at the store. Who makes that stupid schedule anyway???

All By Myself

Some days I wake up calm and collected. This is not one of those times. This morning I am not calm and no where near collected.

What I am feeling is the fact that this life of mine won't last forever and I need to learn not to waste a moment doing things I don't like or being where I don't want to be. Sounds easy to fix but it's not so easy for me. And so I wonder why it's not. Am I my own obstacle? Why do I constantly feel so alone? How is it that I ended up all alone? It wasn't suppose to be like this.

Excuse me while I feel a little sorry for myself, but don't worry, as my friend always says, "This too shall pass." And so it will.

I'm really needing.......

....some of this in my life at the moment. I'm feeling restless and bored and ready to have some sparkle in my life! And from experience I know I should be careful what I wish for! But hey....bring it on, I'm ready!

Just Wondering

Even if I were dealt a perfect hand, would I know how to play it? I never was very good at poker!


Why must I over think everything to death? Can't I just KNOW what I want to do and be done with it?

Thursday, August 23, 2007

SURPRISE! (kinda)

My mother turns 70 this year and she is expecting a party. She knows she is going to have one but she doesn't want to know what it is going to be. A surprise party that's not really a surprise! Anyway, her birthday is in November and I've been doing a little planning today. I'm thinking of just sort of a drop in thing between such and such hours on a Saturday afternoon. Unlike myself, my mother doesn't mind being the center of attention so as it should be, this is going to be all about HER.
Some ideas I have are having finger foods. Having a PowerPoint presentation of pictures of her throughout the years that will be projected on a screen during the event. I'll ask the guest to write a comment or funny story about her that they remember and I'll have a jar at the party that they can drop those into.
So far that's all I've got. I need a theme. Her favorite color is red, perhaps I'll just decorate in red. There's a plethora of things you can buy online for such an event. So we'll see.
I'm hoping the big surprise will be that her grandson whom she's not seen for a few years will be able to be here. That will be wonderful.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The Verdict Is In

Ok, remember the jewelry I made for my Daughter in Law's mother? Well, I got a very nice phone call telling me how much she loved it all. That made me really happy because I know she will wear those pieces and enjoy them. I get great pleasure in making the jewelry but even greater pleasure when somebody really likes it and actually wears it.

Interesting Fact

"In his later years Pablo Picasso was not allowed to roam an art gallery unattended, for he had previously been discovered in the act of trying to improve on one of his old masterpieces."

I came across this and it blew me away. Really gifted people never really know how good they are. They are always seeking what they think would be perfection and that's really sad in a way. So often they are never really happy with anything they accomplish, in every aspect of their lives. Maybe it is a trade-off.

Isn't it funny... us women bond when we get together sometimes and tell each other deep dark secrets? I wonder if men do that??

Company Perks (well deserved I might add)

The best part about getting to go out of town and working in another store is you get to stay in a hotel and eat out and it's paid for by the company! Our boss booked us in a pretty new hotel (I LOVE NEW HOTELS!) and when we got there we were told we had been "upgraded" to one of their best suites. Alrighty then, we did not argue with that a bit.
They had a nice indoor pool but the bad news, we didn't bring swimsuits, and the pool closed at ten o'clock. We worked later than that but....we were such VIP's at the hotel we got a special pass to use the pool after hours and after finding clearance swim suits at Walmart, we enjoyed a wonderful swim and then relaxed in the hot tub!
Not being gals who don't appreciate good food, we had two great meals while we were there. Thomasville folks are really nice, everywhere we went and so even though we worked our butts off, we had lots of fun, and I needed that!
So, today I go back to my store but with a real appreciation of my associates and the way our store looks.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Back Home Safe and Sound

I'm back home, tired as can be. We worked as hard as possible for the two days. But we got a lot accomplished and we had a fun too.
I needed the change. More on the trip later. Here's a small example of how things looked when we got there.

And after a little organization it looks a little better.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Purple Haze

I dreamed in purple last night. Not sure what's up with that, purple is not even my favorite color! I don't remember what was going on in the dream much, just that everything was in purple! Go figure!

I'm off to work! Happy Monday.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Something Different for tomorrow...

...and Tuesday. As I mentioned I'll be working in another store. It's only a couple of hours away but I'll be leaving early in the morning. I'm not taking my computer and I'll be back Tuesday night.

I'm going to a little town called Thomasville. Joanne Woodward, Paul Newman's wife was actually born there. I think they moved when she was in grade school, but hey! That's something huh? She was and actually still is really beautiful.

This very moment in Time....

...moving to Washington seems like a no brainer. If I could move right now, this very moment I'd do it!
We'll see if the feeling sticks!

Reminds me of that song, "One Moment in Time." Oh great, now I'll be singing that song the rest of the night! But you know what? Those lyrics(although written for athletes in the Olympics) say it pretty well for me and my journey. Especially the part about racing with destiny, or maybe I'm just racing with TIME! Time is going by really fast as I get older and my granddaughter is growing. And I need to be there! My son has been telling me for at least three years now that I'm just putting off the inevitable. Maybe so Son, maybe so.

"Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be
I will be
I will be free
I will be
I will be free"
(part of the lyrics of "One Moment in Time" that Whitney Houston sang)

For the Love of Books

Yesterday my granddaughter had her first trip to the library, you can read about it here. It got me thinking about my own experience as a child. I didn't live in a town that had a library but what I did have was a bookmobile.

OH, how I did love that vehicle. It got me to wondering if the bookmobile still exists. So I did some research.

Apparently it does, in many shapes and forms and not just in America. Read about this one here.

Movie Review...Premonition

First of all I really love Sandra Bullock so even though this movie didn't get that great of reviews from the people who do that for a living I figured I'd like it and I did.
IT's all about a woman who wakes up one morning, goes through her day and then finds out her husband has been killed in an auto wreck. The next morning when she wakes up her husband is in the shower. It goes on like this for a week.
In the end the pieces fall together, sort of. It's hard to keep up with what is real and what is the premonition. I guess if you are one who has to completely understand things, this might not be the movie for you. I like movies that maybe can be interpreted differently for different people.
It definitely keeps your attention and the actors are great and plus the guy in it is Julian McMahon and he is easy on the eyes for sure!
IT's definitely worth renting and the ending is surprising. So I give it 8 stars!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Movie Night


I'm a little bit in love with Albert Einstein.

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." Albert Einstein

Albert didn't start speaking until really late and his parents were convinced he was slow. In school his teachers told them not to expect much from him. HA!

Friday, August 17, 2007

Another Night

And here I am awake at nearly two in the morning!

Stupid Indecision!!!!

Ok, excuse this post but I have to vent here! I am not really a person to get "mad" really. I can get hurt and feel betrayed, sort of a martyr personality I have I guess but I can really get MAD at myself. Right now I am so angry because I can't make a decision about moving to Washington. One morning I wake up and I am ready! The next morning I wake up and think, "What in the world am I thinking??? I can't do that!"
Actually this is not like me! I usually can think about something, make a decision and be done with it. Or maybe not, maybe I've let life just happen to me without really making any important decisions.(the martyr coming out perhaps.)

People keep telling me it is fear and maybe it is but I don't feel afraid. All I know is I am so tired of going back and forth on this. I've a friend that I'm able to talk about most of my fears and concerns, sort of but maybe I'm not being completely honest with him, or myself.

I have got to decide what I want to do and either move in that direction or put it out of my mind. This indecision is DRIVING ME NUTS! And sitting on this particular fence is getting PAINFUL!

Inside and Out

Schedule change at work today and I have to close tonight which means I go in at 12 thirty and work until nine thirty or so.

Last night I went to sleep early, thinking I was just tired but I'm not feeling all that great. Nothing much, just not feeling my best.
In another post I talked about Orange Cream but personally I seem to be in a Pomegranate stage. For the inside and the outside. I've been reading where the juice is good for you, (in moderation, it's quite sweet) and this one has blueberries too so it has double power.

The lotion smells so fresh and clean I'd like to eat it, but I won't I promise. Here's how the bottle describes the lotion. "Juicy red pomegranates sparkle like rubies in moonlight.(Notice the name is Midnight Pomegranate) Enticing. Fiery. Seductive." Ummmm.

When I was a child we had a neighbor who had a pomegranate tree and I couldn't wait until they'd get ready. The fruit was magical to me. Along with those memories I can still hear my mother saying, "Don't get the juice on your shirt, I can't get the stain out!"

Thursday, August 16, 2007


..30 years ago today. Can you believe it?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

The Collection

Ok, here's the whole package. This is for my Daughter In Law's Mom. It's her Arrowhead, I just wrapped it for her so she knows that's coming but the Turquoise Nugget and the bracelet are a surprise. I hope she'll like them.
And you know it is almost two in the morning here? One of those nights when I'm not sleepy. But I got to get up in five hours so I'm going to try!

Whatcha Think?

OK, Which one? The one on the right is the first one I did and showed the other week. On the left is the second try & I added a turquoise bead and changed the design.

Temporarily Crowned

Ok, I'm now the proud owner of a crown but it looks nothing like this one. Actually after two and almost a half hours in the chair I have a temporary crown. It really doesn't look much like a tooth right now, just sort of a tooth colored orb or something. Nobody can see it unless I really laugh with my mouth wide open (which I hope I don't do!). The real crown arrives in two weeks and I'll go back and get it hammered on! One thing about having a root canal, that tooth doesn't care what you do to it much, it has no feeling.

So, a few more trips to the dentist and maybe this ordeal will be over. I hope.
Now, I'm going to stay where it's cool the rest of the day and enjoy the afternoon of not having to go to work.

Remember.... life things aren't always as they appear.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

My Granddaughter......

....learned to ride her bike today! You can read about it on her mom's blog here. I am so excited about it for her and I can only hope she learns to love her bike as much as I did mine when I was a little girl.

MY bike wasn't just a bike you know. At any moment it could become a wild Mustang that I rode fearlessly or a police car chasing crooks. It could be a cool motorcycle where I pretended to ride cross country and sometimes I turned it upside down and pretended the wheel was a steering wheel of a car that I drove recklessly through the town making wild turns.

I hope she doesn't learn how to ride without hands or try to ride a friend on the handle bars. (I have scars on both knees proving these are not the smartest things to do). At any rate I hope she has as much fun riding her bike as I did and I hope her bike is a magic one just like mine was!

Off to work ....

Today being Tuesday is the day I go in to work at noon thirty and work until closing, so it's not my favorite day at work although working a night does give me time to catch up on paperwork (that dirty word I dislike).
I talked earlier in the summer about my teeth problems and the fact that I would spend a lot of time in the dentist chair and so tomorrow is the first of a few more appointments. I've got to get a crown for the root canal-ed ( I know, I made that word up, but it's my blog and I can do that you know) tooth and then some fillings and in the meantime I'm afraid another tooth way in the back has chipped, it feels rough to me and if he tells me I have to have another root canal I'm going to cry, real tears too! Hopefully it's not that bad.

Also while I'm out and about I have to have a haircut tomorrow. I am the type of person who is kind of uncomfortable with people too close to me so going to the dentist and having my hair cut in one day is a BIG thing for me. So that will be my day off.

Next week I get to do something a little different. On Monday and Tuesday I'll be working in another store. Another manager and myself will go and get it a bit organized and ready for a new manager to come in. We'll stay overnight and I'm looking a bit forward to it. I really like the other manager I'll be with a lot and that's a plus.

So, that's the plan. For now, I must get myself to work!


.....Is it better to have just a little bit of something you love than to not have any at all?

Sort of like, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." It's a question I ask myself often, and struggle with.

When you have just a little of something doesn't it make you just want more? But if you get too much of it whenever you want, does it take away the specialness? I wonder!

An Affirmation For Today

I woke up this morning early because I have the dreaded conference call as I do every Tuesday morning.

I also woke up with feelings of thankfulness. Thankful for this world provided for us. Isn't it cool how things work on this earth and in this life? And even though I forget to appreciate this from time to time, the sun never forgets to rise and the air we breathe for survival doesn't forget to be there all the time. In fact if you think about it everything we need has been provided for us. Sometimes we forget that. We wish for "things" that we want, material things that may or may not be within our reach but really, all we need is right here in front of us for the taking. A gift to us from our creator. It is evident that we are a part of this great gift, we come from it and we go back to it. And no matter who you conceive that to be it is that creator with whom we are all connected. We are the sun and the moon and the stars, we are the oceans & the wind. We are a part of the animals that walk among us, and the plants that provide us with such beauty. And in the center of all of this is the force that has created us and all that surrounds us. This morning that brings me much comfort knowing I am a part of this. Just a tiny little speck am I in the scheme of things but my little speck counts. And so this morning I am grateful to be a part of this beautiful creation we call life and if I listen, really listen to the voice inside of me, getting past the barrier of my own voice and fears, my direction in life will become clear. This morning I know this to be true.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Look What I Got!

Catherine Mary over at ::atelier:: awarded me this pretty award and I am quite honored and especially appreciative. Pop over and read her kind words about my Cedar Chest. Take time to read her beautiful & elegant blog. Her photography is wonderful too. It's a nice relaxing place to visit. I love her thoughts and the way she expresses them in such a beautiful way. Thank you Catherine Mary so much.

Throwing Fish Today

If you've ever been to Seattle and visited the Pike Place Market then you've probably seen the guys at the fish market there that have a blast at work. They've become world famous and once you see them at work, you never forget them. You can read their story here if you want to. They even have published books and made videos that big companies have bought and used for seminars and such on building a better team and reaching goals.
The whole thing is attitude. If you go to work and think you're going to have a bad day chances are you do.

My morning started out rough, I was alone for the first hour and the phone rang constantly, customers lined up, everybody wanted to pick up their glasses. I'm a veteran in the retail world, I've done it more years than I care to mention and so I know I can either do my best and keep a smile on my face and keep my customers or I can frown and be rude and let the whole situation defeat me and probably loose customers in the process. And so I do what I learned a long time ago, I smile and do my best.

When the rest of my day's staff got there they followed my lead and we had the best day. We laughed with each other, at each other and with the customers. All day long, no matter how hectic it got, I could hear someone laughing and I can't tell you how happy that makes me.

Wouldn't you rather go into a store where the people are happy and jovial and actually act like they like each other rather than a store where everyone who works there looks miserable? I know I would. And I can't help but feel proud when I look around and see my staff members smiling as well as the customers. IT means we are doing something right! And it's showing in our success, little by little. We may not become "World Famous" but we can be the best we can be and that's what we strive for everyday.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I'm Back... the real world now. Finished my book (it wasn't a very big book) and I'm exhausted! I went through 80 years of a Chinese woman's life, and what a life it was! Very good book though, I enjoyed it.
My most favorite novels are written in first person. This one was. I have another book to start now that I want inhale like I did that one. It should last me for the week.
And so the weekend is over and tomorrow we start all over again.
My Sunday went way too fast!


Ok, I take it back, it is still pretty hot this morning. I decided to do some chores before I get settled back into China and woo wee! It's hot! But I did get them done, fixed a bowl of salad and a bowl of fruit salad to munch on today so no cooking required. I got things cleaned up so now I can read in peace and without worrying about stuff that needs doing. LIFE is good for the moment.

Oh, and speaking of my book in China, my feet hurt all night because I read about the process of foot binding! We'll talk more about that later! What a terrible thing!

Just Popping in........ say this morning feels cooler to me. It's still humid and sticky and hazy out there but it is definitely not as hot as it has been in the mornings this past week. Forecasts say high of 99 today so that's better. I'm going to spend most of the day reading my book. I also have a movie to watch called "The Painted Veil". Happy Sunday to you all, hoping you have a peaceful calm restful day!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Weekend Get Away

There's only one thing that can keep me off the internet for any period of time and that's a really, really good novel that I can sink my teeth into. I'm picky and although I read a lot, only a few books really grab me at the beginning and don't let go until I'm done. And then the characters live with me for days, months, sometimes even years as if they are friends of mine. And they are. That being said, I think I'll be gone for a little while. I'm going to visit 19th Century China where a girl named Lily lives. See ya!

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See

A bit on my aging Mother

As we age we really don't know how we'll change and how other people will see us. When my grandmother was alive there were things she would do after she retired that drove my mother nuts! And so now it's my turn.

For example, I live on the same property as my mother my stepfather. If we have bad weather she never ever calls me or checks on me, and that's ok, I don't really need her to or expect her to. But tonight her husband is on his way back from a trip out of town. He called her and told her they'd been through some bad weather. She in turn called me and instead of saying she's scared to be there alone if bad weather comes, she says, "Since you're alone, if the weather gets bad come up here."

My mother's never been afraid of nothing much but with old age comes fears that we'd not had before. But my mother will not admit these fears, ever! She will work it where she's the one who comes to the rescue.

She's also starting to get things a little confused and it scares me sometimes. The other day I was visiting. Visits with her are always about her and if I do tell her something about my life she really isn't listening or she gets just enough of a gist of what I'm saying to interrupt me and "up" me one on whatever I'm saying. Most of the time I don't say anything. But I wanted to share with her the story of the man who served in Vietnam. She says right in the middle of my story, "Your Daddy served in Vietnam."

"Ah, no he didn't, he served during the Korean War." I tell her.
She immediately agreed that was right. "Yes, he was in Korea."

Ok, that is wrong too. He didn't go to Korea, he was in Alaska, or at least that is what I'd always been told. "No." I say gently, "He was stationed in Alaska."

"HE went to KOREA too!" she snapped.

I didn't argue with her. I gave her that one because after all, what does it really matter?

She's will be soon 70 years old and her body is very healthy. I hope her mind keeps up, please.......let her mind keep up.

Although she has never been the easiest person for me to be around, I'm thinking with age it's going to get much worse. And that's when I start doubting again doing what I really want to do and that's moving thousands of miles away to be with my son and his family.

It is true, if she and her husband decided to sell this property tomorrow and move, they'd not worry about me. And is it arrogant of me to think that she might possibly need me one day? Is it just a hope or the same old guilt she's put on me for years when I do something she doesn't think I should do. Same old questions brew up again. The same ones I can't get passed. And the funny thing is, just like she won't admit to being the one who didn't want to be alone during the bad weather, she would never ask me to stay here. She'd let me move so she could moan about it behind my back.
So here I am again, as time is ticking on, at this same cross roads. My oh my.

Searching for Calmness

In my constant search to become a calmer more serene person I found these tips for having a spiritual summer from one of my favorite sites.

1) Unplug the television
2) Swim in real water
3) Gaze at the night sky
4) Make flying friends (with butterflies and the like)
5) Take a meaningful workshop
6) Walk barefoot
7) Make or buy presents for those you love
8) Sit under a great tree
9) Consider where you are burning out
10) Read eternally beautiful things. Amen.

My Breakfast

Fresh Berries and Yogurt with a tiny drizzle of honey. Yummy too and it was so pretty I couldn't resist sharing.

Have I mentioned that it's HOT????

It seems that this week all I've blogged about is the heat but it is hard to not think about it, it is relentless! They kept saying the 3 digit temps were going to be over by today but is not so! Same thing today, seems Nature is saying, "Lets see how high it can go!" And since we have no control over this we'll also see how high it can go.

Up until yesterday the customers at work had been ok but it's wearing on us humans and although they weren't really rude or ugly to us, they were a little dense and hard to communicate with. I watched people in the parking lot a little while yesterday and it's as if you are looking at things moving in slow motion. People are walking so slowly, and through the haze of the hovering heat rising from the asphalt, things look a little surreal.

One of the things that really makes it bad is that you can't even depend on relief when the sun goes down. It's eight thirty here now in the morning and almost 90 degrees. But anyway, enough about the HOT, I'm going to try and concentrate on other things.

Friday, August 10, 2007

We are on FIRE!

An hour earlier when Steph left work this said 110 degrees! It had cooled off a bit by the time I got off work.