Saturday, February 28, 2009
This is not going to be a forever thing for me but it just seems right for now. Our family needs some healing time and some together time. But I am a very private person and independent so although we hope to live always near each other to be fair to them and me, I plan to have my own place one day. In the meantime it is Haleigh and me who will benefit the most I think. She and I need each other. She's never had a family member live so close to her other than her mom and dad so that in itself is a good thing.
The people who are most negative about this situation don't know or understand the connection we have. I love my daughter in law as much as if she was my own daughter. I am not a meddling person and she knows this. She and I can be honest with each other and we share most of the same morals and beliefs. And I know she welcomes me into her home with as much joy and acceptance as does my son.
And right now I need to feel needed and so helping take care of a family fits the bill. My cooking skills are rusty so they'll have to get through that with me and Amy is a much better cook than me anyway but I am kind of excited about cooking again as I don't do that for myself much any more.
Having a built in baby sitter will be great for them and when I'm with Haleigh it is not like baby sitting, it is being with someone I really and truly enjoy being with, as she is eight going on thirty. SO that is a win win situation.
And I am grateful for this wonderful son of mine and his wife and daughter. How lucky am I? Now if time would just move a little faster!
I have to work today and I'm off tomorrow.
Yesterday I snuck off early as we weren't so busy and I had coverage and of course they got busy after I left but they handled it. I got lots done and the more I get done the more I am ready to go! Mentally I mean.
I think now that I've given up wearing the hat my hair is growing even faster. By next month maybe it will look lots better.
I know not much else today, I got my coffee going and my brain is fuzzy right now. Hope you have a good weekend.
Friday, February 27, 2009
My grandmother used to say, "Marry him like you want him to be because you certainly can't change him afterwards!" Unfortunately I did not take her advice.
Anyway, that just seemed to be the theme of the day. Men. But from experience I know how us women are. Yesterday you can be ready to divorce him and today he can suddenly become the most wonderful thing that walked the earth. Women! Go figure.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I don't know how I'm ever going to make it another 29 days. I'm getting so excited I can't stand it and I'm happier now than I can remember being in a while.
I am also going to be late for work if I don't get away from this computer and start getting ready.
I had the best day yesterday, I got lots done, Matthew and I talked for a long time on the phone and I felt so good.
Ok, off to work!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
So determined was I to remain hatless yesterday that I nearly froze to death walking from my car into the store. I forgot how warm your hair keeps you so I could have at least wore a knit hat while I'm outside but I didn't even think of it. I will remember next time!
Yesterday when things slowed down at the store, we had only one customer and her son in the store. Loni was selling his mom glasses and I was just sort hanging out and I picked up a pair of purple clearance sunglasses and put them on and looked at myself in the mirror. I noticed the kid looking at me and so I looked at him through the glasses and said, "Don't ya think I look cool with my purple sunglasses and my nearly bald head and he smiled and nodded and gave me a thumbs up. LOL, cute.
And so I'd better get my coffee going and get going on my day.
Hope your Wednesday is a good one.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
It left me feeling free and unburdened and proud to announce to the world, "I have survived this thing, hair loss and all!"
This morning is the dreaded conference call. I don't have too many more of those.
Work has been rough again lately. We are all tired and nothing is easy. It is getting to all of us as I saw short tempers yesterday from my staff and I understand why. People are more difficult now than ever. They are demanding and have no patience to wait their turn and treat us like we are trying to screw them over or like we don't know what we are doing. And they are just sometimes RUDE.
It hurts your feelings and disheartens you when you are trying so hard to please people and do what is best or them and then they slam you with being rude.
Matthew said the economy is affecting his work and it is rough too at this time. He is a policeman. He says people are desperate and pitiful and maybe that is affecting our customers as well.
Anyway, I am looking forward to the break and I hope things calm down for my co-workers. I keep telling them to come go with me to Washington and we'll make jewelry and sell it on the beach, lol.
Well, time to get on the call, have a good day dear friends and if you go shopping smile and be patient with the sales clerks, they'll appreciate it!
Monday, February 23, 2009
I'm thinking very seriously this morning of going hatless. I do still need to have a beautician trim me up a bit and I was going to do that first but the hat is starting to get bothersome and my mother hates it and is on a campaign for me to stop wearing it because after all, as she puts it, I do have hair!
She fusses at me about it every time she sees me and then the other day she complained to Steph about it who told her I'd do it when I was ready but I wasn't ready yet. In a way it's like a security blanket for me, who knows! SO we'll see. People had plenty to say about my hats from "your hat is cute" to "why are you wearing that rag on your head?" So I can't imagine how they'll react to a very, very, short hair do. On second thought, I think I'll wear my hat today, lol.
Anyway, I had a pretty good weekend and got some things done although that nastly virus took away some of my time. I'm glad it didn't last long though.
I'm thinking this week my boss will make some decisions about the store, she is for sure going to promote Steph, even though she's not made it official and I'm hoping she will promote within for the assistant manager, we'll see. Whatever, it is time to decide so they can move forward. Because I'm leaving you know!
So, as a new week starts I hope for you a good one. Spring is nearing and I think almost everyone is ready for that. I sure am.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I wish I had a week off, I should have given my notice a week earlier at work than I did but at the time I was still thinking I was going to transfer and I didn't know how much time they'd allow me. Now I'm thinking of just letting my job go because there is not anything really close enough to work. Sometimes I think it's crazy to do that in an economy where people need jobs but taking the summer off and getting settled and spending time with my granddaughter is too tempting. Plus retail is getting too much for me lately and so after 15 years of working in Optical Retail, I think I shall give it a rest. We'll see what happens from there.
Anyway, hope your weekend was a good one.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
We're also going to see the Great Salt Lake....
I'm a nature girl and so I'm much more interested in seeing the land and the rocks and the dirt and the animals than real touristy places. We are free spirits, Matthew and me, so we're not going to do much planning I don't think. If we come across something we want to see that is what we will do. And I just can't wait!
Friday, February 20, 2009
I hardly ever notice how many posts I've posted. I have been at this a long time and so I checked this morning and this will be my 1,278th post. Whew! That's a lot of posts. My posts on the other hand come straight from my head as I think them and are hardly ever as beautifully thought out and put together as Tammy's are. I sometimes forget to use spell check and my grammar is certainly not perfect. Tammy's posts are inspirational and her photography is beautiful and her writing talent comes shining through. And she does this with that one finger and that beautiful mind of her's. I'm so glad to know her and glad we found each other. And I'm awed that she even reads my mumbo jumbo. Thank you Tammy. In fact thank all of you, my blogger buddies for always being there, ready to tell me what you think and for ignoring all my misspellings and grammer mistakes.
I've posted great joy, great pain, fear, & silliness. I've typed through tears and humiliations and indecision's. I've shared dreams and disappointments, given weather reports and book reports. I've shared photos and recipes and some pretty bad poetry, lol. I've just pretty much shared my life's ups and downs on the World Wide Web, thinking nothing I had to say would mean much to anyone but me. But the thing is I've connected through the years with people I'd have never known otherwise. From Ireland down to Florida. Funny how that happened. The support I got from these people during my darkest days got me through things I'd have never thought I could get through. I never thought I'd put my bare feelings out for anyone to come along to read but that's what I've done, as other bloggers do and those are the bloggers I am most attracted to, people who share their real lives.
As I am about to start a whole new phase of my life we'll see where that leads me. And I'm glad I have this way to share it because even when you think no one could possibly care what you have to say, guess what? They do. And for that I am thankful.
Have a great Friday everyone!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Yesterday I was off and spent the morning up at my mom's doing her taxes. She's still talking of the nursing home and such but I just answered her questions and listened to her tell me how she hoped I know what I'm doing and then she says, "I wonder how much H & R block will charge me to do my taxes next year. " Oh brother. If it weren't so sad, it would really be quite comical. It's ok, I can handle it. I think maybe yesterday she got the chance to say all she wanted to, and so that is that. We'll see.
I am taking a personal day Saturday so I'll have two days off in a row to do some more packing, didn't get much done yesterday. I couldn't put that book down until I finished it and now I do not need to get into another book for awhile.
And I am really close to going hatless. Before I do however I need to let someone trim me up a little, I am a little shaggy, hair growing down my neck and it just needs some sort of shape and then I think I will be ok with it. Still looks like a man's haircut but it is kind of cute. I'm so happy to have hair and not have that cancer patient look tagged to me.
Hope your Thursday is a good one, I'm off to get ready for work.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I just finished this book and added it to my Shelfari Book Shelf but I needed to just say, if you are in the mood to read and need a good juicy novel, this is the one. I've never read Kristin Hannah's other novels and I know she has at least two other ones but all I can say is this one is great.
It's a story that spans about 30 years and it is the story of three sisters. Just as a coincidence it is set in Washington State and I had no idea of this until I got into it. There's true love and pain and jealousy and stubbornness and the characters are so real to me that I am missing them already. And there's a happy ending, and oh how I love happy endings.
Anyway, you've got to read it! And that's all I'm saying.
My head knows better but somewhere deep inside I hope I am being given another last glance of him. He is the right sized person, his features in the shadows look the same, his dress is so typical of my son. I slow my steps in order to stare at him longer. He is not looking my way, I only see his profile. I know this is not him, or could it be? Could I be seeing him again? My goodness, it has to be him, it looks just like him. He stands just like him, in that James Dean manner. It has to be him. My heart pounds. It so looks like him, I am in awe and slowly I walk past him but I can not help looking back. He turns his face toward me and the light hits his features. My heart sinks! It is the wrong face. And even though I knew it wasn't him, I still hoped. I hoped I was getting a final glimpse of someone I love with all my heart. I hoped for one more chance to tell him how much I love him, face to face. But it is not the right face.
The young man gives me a sad little smile and I turn away, embarrassed that I was probably acting weird and I hurry up and get inside my car. And I cry all the way home.
It is not the first time I've seen him or thought I did. In fact I see him all the time. I see him in crowds, I see him passing me in a car. But I feel him in my heart and of course that is real and this I know.
My blood work looked great and I am feeling well and he was happy and so was I. We talked about my move and he's having all my records copied for me to take with me. He assured me there were wonderful Dr.'s where I was going and I don't have to see anyone for another three months or at least by June 1st. And then he said, "Now just because you are going to move doesn't mean we don't care about you so please call us from time to time and let us know how you are doing." I thought that was really sweet.
All the nurses thought my move is a great thing, they know all I've been through and think it is great that I will be with my son and his family. Of course they all got to know my mother while we went through this and they asked how she felt about it and I told them she wasn't that happy about it but like everyone else they say, "You've got to live your own life and do what makes you happy."
So, things are moving along here. I've had my discussion with my mother, I've got my first check up behind me, looks like blue skies ahead and all I can say is I am ready!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Today is my first three month check up after finishing chemo. Since the rest of these check ups will have to be done in Washington, I'm going to ask for my medical records. This is the Dr. I really like, it was the radiologist that sort of gave me the creeps, so I'm glad I'm seeing him and not the other one. So, anyway, I have my call, the Dr.'s appointment and then on to work. It is my night to close so I don't get off until eight tonight. A busy day.
So, that's about all I know this morning. We are still hopping at work, had another big day yesterday and that's good if it doesn't kill all of us. I need about three other employees this time of the year.
Hope your Tuesday is a good one.
Monday, February 16, 2009
to Grandma from Haleighi love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you are my sunshine!!!
I had this wonderful email from Haleigh this afternoon. I can hardly wait to get her in my arms. She is MY Sunshine!
And I got a counter----------------------------------------------------------->>>>
So now I can keep up with just how much longer.
I am moving slow this morning as if I didn't have to work, but I do! But I wanted to let you all know how much you mean to me.
I am getting so excited. Amy told me I had short timer's at work and I thought she just made that phrase up only to hear it again from Tammy on the phone yesterday. It is a real thing which I have!! So there you go, learn something everyday, but then again I've been with this company for 15 years, so I've not left a job for a long time!
Anyway, I'd better get going!
Have a good day,
Sunday, February 15, 2009
First of all, I am my mother's only child. I've never lived more than an hour away from her in all my almost 52 years. As long as I've lived I've probably never done anything that would really rock her world. I've tried to be a good daughter but she never seems to think I am. And I've tried for my whole life but she is the type of person that has always pointed out my faults, and I can never really truly tell you anything I've ever done that she thought was admirable. I get that too, that is just who she is. I quit trying to figure it all out a long time ago. She is my mother, I love her and I know she loves me, but our relationship does not bring me acceptance or comfort.
And so, you can understand how hard this move is for that reason. She can make me feel so guilty, and so this week I had to finally (yes, I have put it off this long) have the conversation and to let her know that this is really happening.
She told me she supposed her and my stepfather would just go live in a nursing home. There would be nobody here to take care of them. At 71 years old the woman is healthier than I am! My Stepfather is only 60 years old and is not feeble at all I can assure you. But I was expecting that, it is why I put it off so long. There is no way I'm going to get her blessing. She doesn't understand why in the world I'd even want to move way up there. "But don't worry about us."
And so she will not make it easy for me. Part of the excitement and joy of this new adventure will be tainted for that reason. And my whole life, I've got to tell you, I've not ever done things for fear of upsetting someone else's world. That's just how I'm made up, how I roll. So I've got to be strong here. And I knew this all along. So she'll be pitiful until I leave. And I've got to concentrate on what I want, what I need. In my dream world she would tell me she loves me and although she will miss me, she is glad I am doing this and she understands how I need to be with Matthew and his family. But that ain't gonna happen. In my dream world she'd fly out to visit me and we'd see all there is to see out there but oh no, she told me right away that her traveling days were over and she wasn't going anywhere. So I have to live with this and go forward, no matter how hard it is.
We had a stellar week at the store this week and I'd like to just curl up with the new book I bought yesterday but NO! I have work to do, I'm moving you know. So far I've gotten as far as making a pot of coffee.
Usually my little dog, Sweetie, sleeps through the night but last night she kept me awake practically the whole night. She heard things apparently all night long. She would jump up, scamper over me in bed and jump to the floor and bark like crazy. And then she'd stand guard at the door and sort of just barely bark. It drove me nuts and I think finally she and I both went to sleep around four in the morning. So I've not had too much sleep. I'm not sure exactly what she was protecting me from but she did a very good job for sure.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Anyway, Friday the 13th today, Valentine's Day tomorrow.
Matthew and I were thinking of the same thing last night without knowing it. I was soaking in a nice hot bath and thinking about what we needed to stop and see on our trip and when I got out he had emailed me and was thinking about that too. He wants to see the Great Salt Lake in Utah. I don't care what we see really, just to be in places I've never been and to see new land will be enough for me.
I am moving slow this morning, really pushing it with time so I'd better get going and take my bath. It is supposed to be rainy today and tomorrow according to the weather man but the sun is shining brightly out there at the moment.
Have a good day, watch out for black cats and such!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I've no guess how busy we'll be at work today, things have slowed down a little but you never know. Our Dr. stays late on Thursdays and we usually get a lot of people who have insurance and that always is interesting. Insurance is nice to have put a pain to handle for sure. It takes time and in a world where people are in such a hurry and want things instantly it can get a little hairy. But we manage.
And that's about all I know for now, just trying to get through day by day.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
We're working on getting the U-haul and Matthew's airline ticket and I'm getting really excited.
Nothing much worth talking about going on around here. I had a terrible dream where I was at a big meeting for work and I couldn't find the room where my group was meeting and I started to panic. I ran into a girl who I used to work with but no longer works with our company and she just laughed and laughed at me as I wandered from room to room. I had my phone but when I opened it to call my boss to ask where they were there were no numbers, no keys at all. So I panicked some more. It was a nightmare!!
Anyhow, have a good day.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Shh! Don't tell anyone but I'm blogging while on conference call. You can do that when you put the phone on speaker and mute it. Of course if she calls on me for something, I've got to unmute fast and answer but right now she is going through numbers and that takes awhile with 15 stores.
Our weather is beautiful, still a little cool at nights, but in the seventies for the days. Plenty of sunshine. It feels good.
Things are still hopping at work, we are busy, busy. We are taking advantage of it while it is happening because it will stop for sure. People have income tax money. That money will end and then we'll be back to people really being careful of how they spend.
I'll be out of there by then, and I won't miss the pressure for sure. I still have some nerve damage from the chemo in my feet and staying on them all day and running around causes them to feel like ground beef at the end of the day and I won't miss that either. Of course my son is going to have me climbing mountains or such and I better get tough!
Anyway, I'd better get back to my conference call. Hope for all of you a good day.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
It was a day where people were super sensitive, where one girl got her feeling hurt because we were trying to find out if she was going to be able to use her insurance and when my associate told her a few times that she was not eligible, she said, "I wish she'd quit saying that!" She was almost in tears, not because of her insurance but because she didn't like being called "not eligible." It was a day where we couldn't win for losing.
People came dragging in late and got mad if you hinted the Dr. might not be able to see them. I jokingly told one such person that she could go talk to the Dr. and beg him, and I was only kidding but she informed me right away that she wouldn't be "begging" anyone. Whatever. I just finally learned to keep my mouth shut. This wasn't a day to joke with people.
And so today off I go to combat. Who knows what this day will bring but I know one thing, I have never been more tired of working retail than ever in my life. We are people too, not just robots who work in a store. We have feelings, we are human, we are just trying to make a living.
So, we'll see what today holds. You just never know.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
I have the tinest of colds, have fought it the last few days. A really mild sore throat and a runny nose. And I have a hacking cough which I hate to have especially around the customers but maybe when I get going and all cleared up, it won't be so bad. I hope.
And so I wish for you a very good and peaceful Thursday. It's hard to believe another week as just about clicked by.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
I am off today and it is cold outside. In the low twenties with wind chills down in the teens. Glad I'm not getting out.
Check out my really cool bookshelf. I saw that Debra over at It Came to Pass had it on her blog and knew I had to have it. I like it. I've been in the reading mode for the last few weeks. I am glad because there for a while I thought I'd lost that love. My world is so topsy turvey at the moment. I've worried about losing my passions in life. Nothing seems to knock my socks off anymore. Is that what happens as you age? I'm feeling about 100 years old lately. Do things stop amazing you? Do you not experience things, simple things, that used to make you stand in awe? Or is it just me? Have I numbed myself so much to keep from hurting that I don't feel the awesome stuff too? These are the questions I ponder as of late.
I'm putting all my eggs in one basket here. I'm hoping my move and being with my kids will bring me back to life. Right now I'm just going through the motions of life. Right now I'm a ghost just being where I'm suppose to be when I'm suppose to be, like an outsider looking in. Not a participate.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
I'm tired of hats and scarves.
Monday, February 02, 2009
If yesterday is to be an inclination of how the rest of my week is going to go, I think I shall just stay home with a blanket over my head. It was just one of those days where if it can go wrong, it did. One of those days where you have to laugh to keep from crying.
I had to work and was actually a little busy but then I ended up giving two refunds which ate up almost my whole profit for the day. One man was very upset and let me have it over the phone and I dreaded him coming in but he sent his wife instead to get the refund. The other lady had bought a frame only which I'd already exchanged once but then yesterday she just came in and nearly threw the frame at me and wanted her money back. So, ok. I broke some one's glasses when I was doing a repair. I got busy with one lady while a man was waiting for me and he got mad and left, saying something ugly on his way out.
When at last my day was over and I went to make the bank deposit, the night drop was locked for some reason so I had to take the money back to the store and now I have to deal with that this morning.
I was so utterly exhausted when I got home that I was sound asleep by nine thirty and didn't want to wake up at seven this morning.
And so here's hoping for a better day. Please, let it be a better day!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
What is says about you: You are an intelligent person. You feel strong ties to nature and your mood changes with its cycles. Those around you admire your fresh outlook and vitality.
Find the colors of your rainbow at spacefem.com.