I walk out of work into a partially dark parking lot. As I make my way to my car I notice a young man leaning against a vehicle to my right about 4 rows over. He is in silhouette. My heart skips a beat.
My head knows better but somewhere deep inside I hope I am being given another last glance of him. He is the right sized person, his features in the shadows look the same, his dress is so typical of my son. I slow my steps in order to stare at him longer. He is not looking my way, I only see his profile. I know this is not him, or could it be? Could I be seeing him again? My goodness, it has to be him, it looks just like him. He stands just like him, in that James Dean manner. It has to be him. My heart pounds. It so looks like him, I am in awe and slowly I walk past him but I can not help looking back. He turns his face toward me and the light hits his features. My heart sinks! It is the wrong face. And even though I knew it wasn't him, I still hoped. I hoped I was getting a final glimpse of someone I love with all my heart. I hoped for one more chance to tell him how much I love him, face to face. But it is not the right face.
The young man gives me a sad little smile and I turn away, embarrassed that I was probably acting weird and I hurry up and get inside my car. And I cry all the way home.
It is not the first time I've seen him or thought I did. In fact I see him all the time. I see him in crowds, I see him passing me in a car. But I feel him in my heart and of course that is real and this I know.