A bit on my aging Mother

As we age we really don't know how we'll change and how other people will see us. When my grandmother was alive there were things she would do after she retired that drove my mother nuts! And so now it's my turn.

For example, I live on the same property as my mother my stepfather. If we have bad weather she never ever calls me or checks on me, and that's ok, I don't really need her to or expect her to. But tonight her husband is on his way back from a trip out of town. He called her and told her they'd been through some bad weather. She in turn called me and instead of saying she's scared to be there alone if bad weather comes, she says, "Since you're alone, if the weather gets bad come up here."

My mother's never been afraid of nothing much but with old age comes fears that we'd not had before. But my mother will not admit these fears, ever! She will work it where she's the one who comes to the rescue.

She's also starting to get things a little confused and it scares me sometimes. The other day I was visiting. Visits with her are always about her and if I do tell her something about my life she really isn't listening or she gets just enough of a gist of what I'm saying to interrupt me and "up" me one on whatever I'm saying. Most of the time I don't say anything. But I wanted to share with her the story of the man who served in Vietnam. She says right in the middle of my story, "Your Daddy served in Vietnam."

"Ah, no he didn't, he served during the Korean War." I tell her.
She immediately agreed that was right. "Yes, he was in Korea."

Ok, that is wrong too. He didn't go to Korea, he was in Alaska, or at least that is what I'd always been told. "No." I say gently, "He was stationed in Alaska."

"HE went to KOREA too!" she snapped.

I didn't argue with her. I gave her that one because after all, what does it really matter?

She's will be soon 70 years old and her body is very healthy. I hope her mind keeps up, please.......let her mind keep up.

Although she has never been the easiest person for me to be around, I'm thinking with age it's going to get much worse. And that's when I start doubting again doing what I really want to do and that's moving thousands of miles away to be with my son and his family.

It is true, if she and her husband decided to sell this property tomorrow and move, they'd not worry about me. And is it arrogant of me to think that she might possibly need me one day? Is it just a hope or the same old guilt she's put on me for years when I do something she doesn't think I should do. Same old questions brew up again. The same ones I can't get passed. And the funny thing is, just like she won't admit to being the one who didn't want to be alone during the bad weather, she would never ask me to stay here. She'd let me move so she could moan about it behind my back.
So here I am again, as time is ticking on, at this same cross roads. My oh my.