Wednesday, December 31, 2008

My Yesterday and My Year in Review

I am off today. Yesterday was a long day, I worked from nine until eight but the day went by fast as we were busy. You couldn't tell we were busy by the amount of money in our till but we have days like that. On these days we have patients who see the Dr. and will come back later for glasses or we are dispensing glasses or we are solving problems or we are adjusting or repairing or just making friends. If you work these days right it can bring people back in to you when they do have money.
At any rate we had a pleasant day, just three of us and my newest employee who is young and eagar to learn stayed with me until closing so she could learn to do that. She is very smart and I hardly have to explain things to her and she's got it.
My parents are taking their travel trailer to a campground not too far away just to get away for a few days. I always envy them this, I'd like to get away too.
It is not even five thirty here in the morning and I've been up for an hour. What can I say? I was done sleeping.
As this year comes to an end and I think about the year we are leaving it all seems so surreal to me. In January I made an appointment with a gynecologist only to cancel it when my step father had to have a heart cath and my mother needed me to go with them. In February I called again and made the appointment but I couldn't get in until March 3rd. On April 22nd I had a total hysterectomy, going in knowing there were some odd cells that looked very much like cancer cells. I was sent home to recover and then had an appointment with a radiologist. My son came from Washington and spent over a week with me and got to celebrate my birthday with me for the first time in a long time. Little did I know that was the last peaceful moment in time I'd have for quite a while. The day he flew home was also the appointment with the radiologist and he went with me, with the hope that I'd be told I didn't need any treatment. That was not to be. At first he planned to have me do 22 treatments but he wanted a Pet Scan first. With that news and Matthew leaving, that was not a good day.
Two weeks after this, my other son, my eldest, took his own life. Matthew got to come back but not for any celebrating. Haleigh and Amy came later. I can barely remember those last weeks in May. I don't know now how I functioned. Maybe I didn't.
In June I went for the pet scan only to find out cancer cells had spread and I was sent to the Chemo Dr. My nightmare just went on and on. I had one day surgery to have a port put in. I spent the whole summer and into the fall undergoing Chemo. Most of you went through it with me, thank you for that. And at last done, I had a little episode with the Port coming out, supposedly a simple procedure that turned out to be the worse experience my poor body ever went through.
After another scan in November I was declared Cancer Free and I went back to work the end of that month.
And now I look back and I just can't believe the year I had. It left me with battle scars for sure, both physically and mentally but the important thing is that I survived, and that's what life is all about. I put on my catcher's mitt and tried to catch all those crappy pitches life was throwing at me. And I just tried to do what I had to do and I found peace in knowing that whatever happened, it would be ok in the end.
And so I am not sorry to say goodbye to 2008. I have no idea what 2009 will bring but after a year like I've had I am hoping things will be better. It wasn't entirely a year of loss though. I found out that most people really care, I met people I wouldn't have known had I not had cancer. I got reacquainted with a granddaughter that I thought I'd never see again and though we are not close she does keep in touch with me with her cell phone and google chat and it warms my heart and I know Jonathan would be proud.
I am looking forward to my big adventure in 2009 of moving across the country to a new and strange land although each time I've visited it does not feel strange to me but very familiar. But then again home is where your heart is and my heart is definitely there.
HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all.
Love,
Robbin

4 comments:

amy said...

As I read this, I kept thinking how amazing it was that you could even sum up this year in one post. As someone who watched (and cheered, and cried) from the sidelines, I know the parts that are there "between the lines". What a year 2008 has been, and what stronger people we all are for having experienced it. I KNOW this year will bring you joy. I just know it deep in my heart.

Love,
me

Aisling said...

It has to be a better year ahead, Robbin, it just has too. I can't wait to share your move and new adventures through your posts this coming year.

love and hugs,
Aisling

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Thank you sweet Amy. I think it is going to be a good year for all of us.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Hi Aisling, thank you dear friend, you've been through the bad with me and you bet I'll share the good too. Thanks for always being there!