As we age I guess we all develop habits that may irritate members of our family. And I'm sure what I'm about to share about my own mother is an age thing. I pray for understanding of this and hope not to snap at her every time she does it, it is really petty in the big scheme of things but sometimes it can be hurtful. Who knows what I'll do when I'm 71 that will drive Matthew crazy.
It started getting bad I guess a couple of years back. She and I would have a conversation about something and I'd state my opinion and then a couple of days later she'd say, John (my stepfather) says and then she'll repeat verbatim what I'd said a few days before. At first I'd ignore it, but after it happened a few times I'd say, "Mama, I said that." She quickly snap "Well John said it too!" Alrighty then. No big deal I guess if she wants to discount what I say and give her husband credit for it.
The really hurtful one came the other night though. A few weeks ago I shared with her a moment I'd had with Jonathan. He'd come to me and asked me why he couldn't just be normal, why he couldn't have a relationship, keep a job, manage his life. It breaks my heart every time I think of his questions. It hurts my heart that he was so lost and I couldn't help him. Well, the other night we were talking about him and sure enough she starts telling my story to me only it was her he'd gone to. I stopped her and said, "Mama, he came to me, I just told you this the other day." Quick as lightening she responded, "He came to me too!"
Perhaps he did go to her with the same questions, he was searching for answers but I doubt very seriously her answer to him was the same as mine. I reminded him what the last therapist had told him, that "normal" was just a setting on a dryer. I told him that I loved him the way he was and he would get it together one day. That was exactly what my mother said she told him.
I'm not sure why she does this and I've no doubt she doesn't do it intentionally, I just wish she'd admit to me when she does do it that she remembers our previous conversation, but she won't do that.
Ok, I'm done venting now. I am lucky to still have my mother in my life and without her with me during my last few months I don't know what I would have done. She is in good health but this habit of hers really gets to me sometimes. I try to understand it and not let it get to me, but it was hard to let that one slide off my back.
The mother/daughter dance is not an easy one sometimes.