I can hardly believe today will be the 6th treatment. In many ways it seems like the time has passed so slowly and it has been 18 weeks, which is a pretty long time I guess. Of course I have to have one tomorrow too, so officially my last one won't be until then.
It would be nice if this one would be easy on me. Wouldn't that be nice? I'm praying hard.
If all goes well I should be able to go back to work around the middle of November. I am ready to go back to work. I am ready to get back in the world.
My appointment is not until 12:15 today and the first thing is I have to see the Dr. Usually he is late and then this life port of mine doesn't act right and they send me to xray to check it out and then by then they give me the choice of having the treatment today or waiting until tomorrow. Because I hate that the nurses would have to stay so late with me, I usually just say we'll do it tomorrow but after talking to my friend Tammy, and my Mom, I've decided since this is the last one, I want the treatment today! No matter how long I have to stay. Let's get this over with! Today I'm being selfish!
And so that's my story for today. I've learned through all of this that Chemo sucks! If it has destroyed cancer cells I am glad but it makes you wonder and wonder if it is worth it. At this point in time it is all we have and so we have to go with it. I heard Melissa Ethridge say that she believes years from now we'll look back on Chemo therapy and think how barbaric is was. It is for sure. But we are tough, us human beings and we fight to live and most of us survive Chemo, whereas we don't always survive cancer.
I'm surviving, and I'm going on to live the rest of my life for me. I've tried so hard my whole life to please everyone else and it has gotten me so far from what I want. So if Cancer has taught me anything, it has taught me to follow my heart to my own happiness. And that is what I'm going to do, no matter how much time I have left, none of us know how much time we have left on this earth. And I know I can face whatever I have to face now and get through it. With faith, with people who support me, and with my own spirit I am going to survive and go from there.
"There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do."
-- Freya Madeline Stark