Saturday, October 18, 2008

A Bad Mood Post, Read at your own Risk!

I am in a bad mood. Not really a snap someone's head off, evil eyed, all negative bad mood, but a bad mood just the same. I don't like it and times like this it is probably a good thing I live alone.

Physically I am feeling much better. Thank goodness for that, so I shouldn't complain and yet I do. Shame on me!

Feeling guilty makes my mood worse! These past few months are such a blur to me. My world is just so weird at the moment. My future is unclear to me on so many levels.

So I'm in a bad mood!

Hunting Season started this morning. I've heard several shots, I hope they missed my deer that live around here. I hope they are bad shooters.

My fingernails are almost all the way dark now, just the tips left. The skin on my hands look so old, like I'm 90. I feel 90.

What if my hair doesn't grow back?

Jonathan's death still doesn't feel real to me. Somewhere in the back of my mind I keep thinking he'll call me and I'll say, "I knew it wasn't true!"

I'm on long term disability now and I'm not sure how much longer I am going to have to miss work and I'm afraid I'm going to lose my job.

I don't want to have radiation after all this and I'm afraid I will have to.

I can't seem to "feel" anything about anything. That's not like me. Usually it doesn't take much to excite me.

All food taste like crap!

I told you I'm in a bad mood.

But this too shall pass. But in the meantime it is no fun!


Tammy said...

I can't imagine you being chipper after the hell you've been through. Your email forgot about the low blood pressure. I wish I was there to help and vent to.

I'll hit Dave in the arm for you. He'd gladly take one for the team, plus I hit like a 2yr old. :)

Let's wait and see the PET scan before we draw up a new plan B. My guest room is waiting so let's get get this last one done!


linda said...

robbin, I don't see how you could feel anything but crappy! You have been through hell and back a couple of times this year now and it's getting you down. I would think there's also a component of depression that accompanies chemo? If so, perhaps a short acting antidepressant is in order about now. Just a thought ... Xanax will help with your anxiety but not your depression, in fact, it's a depressant.

I think this coming week is weighing heavily on your mind, after having gone through this past one. Anybody would feel that way, my dear. I wish I could come and give you someone to yell at...

Mary said...

You've been a trooper through all of this. You've earned the right to be in a bad mood. We love you anyway - so there.

Hang in there, Hon, even this will be in your past soon.

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