"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."
-- Soren Kierkegaard
After a few days of just letting myself feel a little defeated with life in general, I'm back to understanding that I must keep fighting to be where I want to be. I'm so close to being done with the Chemo and at least that will be behind me. If they say radiation, I can handle that too. I'm not fond of the radiation doctor but he is one of the best in this area and getting another Dr. at this point makes little sense to me. Plus I'm getting ahead of things here, there is still the chance that they don't recommend radiation. Another Pet Scan will let us know where we stand.
So, this week, the last Chemo and then we'll go from there. I'm ready for whatever happens. Fighting Cancer, or any disease can be a lonely thing. No matter how much support you have, no matter how many people really care, you are basically alone in it, alone with your thoughts, alone with your fear. You put on a brave face for the people who want so badly to help you but what really helps is when you accept it yourself and face it head on. During the Chemo I've been able to just sort of not think about much but getting through whatever it brought but the time is coming to move forward and I'm ready.