Friday, August 08, 2008

Where is the Magic?

The big news today is that my Stepfather is actually getting to come home today! That's amazing to me that just three days ago he had a total hip replacement and today he gets to come home. He called me yesterday and was feeling pretty good, with a little pain. He is so popular that his friends and family are fighting over who has the best vehicle to bring him home in. I am so happy he had this done and he is going to be amazed at how good he is going to feel. My mom might even get him to clean out the barn that she fusses at all the time. We shall see how that goes.

As for me, yesterday was a much better day, I actually got some laundry done, I made supper and I even managed to give my car a drink of water, (I guess I ran the radiator dry sitting in it the other day while the power was off). So at least I felt like I accomplished something.

And so things go on. Sometimes it is hard to think that things will be better or that I will again be able to DO something, or GO somewhere or make plans. I had to also grieve a little this week as somehow I've not really had time to do that. And maybe it's a little hormonal as well as I cry at the silliest things. Still just typing that made me cry, I think I am a mess. I even grieved my uterus, how's that? Somehow losing my firstborn and my uterus at around the same time has some kind of significance, and I actually said that to someone who looked shocked! But it is how my mind is working. I grieve for both of them.

For a while there I lost my way but I am ok now, putting it back together and am searching for some of the magic I've always found in the world and in myself. I know it is still there somewhere!



I'm hoping you all have a good weekend full of fun and magic!
Love,
Robbin




Ho, ho, ho
It's magic you know
Never believe, it's not so
It's magic, you know
Never believe, it's not so

Never been awake
Never seen a day break
Leaning on my pillow in the morning
Lazy day in bed
Music in my head
Crazy music playing in the morning light

*Ho, ho, ho
It's magic you know
Never believe, it's not so
It's magic, you know
Never believe, it's not so

I love my sunny day
Dream of far away
Dreaming on my pillow in the morning
Never been awake
Never seen a day break
Leaning on my pillow in the morning light

Ho, ho, ho
It's magic, you know
Never believe it's not so
It's magic, you know
Never believe, it's not so

(PILOT, the band)

4 comments:

linda said...

dear robbin, don't hesitate to grieve, it's there and you must honor your pain. You have had many losses of late and I didn't know about your uterus! I lost mine and grieved for years over it although I was not having more kids. It is grieving a part of your life that is no longer there, it's natural and normal to feel these things, so cry all you want. It will help, believe me.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox and many more!

Memaw's memories said...

We all need to grieve sometimes even when we don't think there's anything to grieve about.

I think its a normal process in life.

Hugs from me to you.

Sage said...

Hugs from one griever to another.

Marge

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Yep, grief is part of life for sure, and it hurts! Thank you all. It is something we all share on earth for sure. None of escape loss and grief.