Saturday, August 23, 2008


Well, here I am on my old schedule again of falling asleep at night around eight thirty and then waking up at four in the morning. I wake up several times during this time but manage to sleep again, but four o'clock in all I can manage and then I'm awake. Seems to be a part of the process here.

It has rained all night, and I suppose it will rain all day too but that's ok. We need the rain and I'm not planning to go anywhere.

When I'm feeling the worse, I wish to be alone, I don't want to venture out and I just do better on my own. I've always been like that when I don't feel good. I would just rather be left alone.

I'm not feeling that bad this morning. Just know that the Chemo is doing its thing and I'm trying to help it by eating when I can and drinking protein shakes when I can't. By not fighting it, and resting and just letting my mind rest for now. And that's a feat in itself, letting my mind rest. It wants to race ahead and leads me to thinking things I don't won't to think about right now. So I am practising thinking for the present . Not thinking too much at all.

I am just so thankful so far all of this has been manageable. It ain't always a bed of roses but I know it could be lots worse.

And so that's the way it is right now. We all are fighting our own battles and this happens to be mine right now. It doesn't take much looking around to see what things people have to endure and face that are so much worse than your own problems. But it doesn't take much either to look around while you're facing your problems and see what gifts the world offers and if you miss those, even the really simple things, then your problems will take over your world and you'll forget there are always blue skies that follow. It's the way of life. The circle of life.

"You have noticed that everything as Indian does is in a circle, and that is because the Power of the World always works in circles, and everything tries to be round..... The Sky is round, and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball, and so are all the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls. Birds make their nest in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours... Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves. "
-Black Elk, Oglala


Mary said...

Ah, "Black Elk Speaks" Oglala Souix. My heritage: Oglala Souix, Cree, and Welsh. Quite a mix, right? I loved seeing the quote - it's so true.

Hope you have a good day.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

LOL, you're kidding me. You know I love the Native American ways and words. I'm glad you came over and saw the quote, one of my favorites too.

Mary said...

Nope, not kidding. It's quiet a story how it all came about. I'll tell you the story when I have time but only if you're really, really interested.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Oh yes, Mary, when you have time, I'm really really interested.

Aisling said...

Robbin, I have always felt that "circle" intuitively. When I drive home to town one way, I often come home the other way making a great big circle of my travel. As I posted my Sunday Stroll today, I was thinking how things happen in a circle, or just keep cycling around, and I labelled my stroll "Continuity." Your post resonated with my mood today, completely.

My Native American heritage, on both maternal and paternal sides, is Cherokee. I think I am only 1/16th or even 1/32nd. Despite that small percentage, I feel that part of my heritage as a vibrant element of my nature.

I am glad you posted. I'm so glad when you "check in." I had no internet for most of yesterday and part of today, so I have some catching up to do.

Take care,

linda said...

just checking in to see if you have posted how magnificent you feel!?! well, just kidding about the magnificent part but wanted to see how you be, if anything is new, have a good night, you are fast asleep, I am without-a-doubt sure of it and day, when I will be sleeping half way through it!


Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Hi Aisling, my great, great grandmother was Creek, and also I have Cherokee on my father's side, not sure how much, so I know what you mean, it is where my love comes from of it too.
I hope you have a good up coming week.
I've had a rough few days but getting better.
I've got catching up to do too!

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Not so great the last few days, Linda, but manageble and I know it could be a lot worse, so I'm hanging in there and know this will pass in a few days, I hope. Mostly bone aches and just feeling YUCky. I hope you are sleeping now, but I bet not, it would only be three thirty where you are.
Thanks for checking in.