Well, here I am on my old schedule again of falling asleep at night around eight thirty and then waking up at four in the morning. I wake up several times during this time but manage to sleep again, but four o'clock in all I can manage and then I'm awake. Seems to be a part of the process here.
It has rained all night, and I suppose it will rain all day too but that's ok. We need the rain and I'm not planning to go anywhere.
When I'm feeling the worse, I wish to be alone, I don't want to venture out and I just do better on my own. I've always been like that when I don't feel good. I would just rather be left alone.
I'm not feeling that bad this morning. Just know that the Chemo is doing its thing and I'm trying to help it by eating when I can and drinking protein shakes when I can't. By not fighting it, and resting and just letting my mind rest for now. And that's a feat in itself, letting my mind rest. It wants to race ahead and leads me to thinking things I don't won't to think about right now. So I am practising thinking for the present . Not thinking too much at all.
I am just so thankful so far all of this has been manageable. It ain't always a bed of roses but I know it could be lots worse.
And so that's the way it is right now. We all are fighting our own battles and this happens to be mine right now. It doesn't take much looking around to see what things people have to endure and face that are so much worse than your own problems. But it doesn't take much either to look around while you're facing your problems and see what gifts the world offers and if you miss those, even the really simple things, then your problems will take over your world and you'll forget there are always blue skies that follow. It's the way of life. The circle of life.
"You have noticed that everything as Indian does is in a circle, and that is because the Power of the World always works in circles, and everything tries to be round..... The Sky is round, and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball, and so are all the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls. Birds make their nest in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours... Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves. "
-Black Elk, Oglala
-Black Elk, Oglala