Time is a funny thing. Sometimes it feels as if it passes so slowly but one day you look up at the calendar and you are 49 years old! I've gotten used to being 49 but that next number, well I'm still trying to prepare to embrace it. After all, it's just a number.
Most days I get up and I'm fearless! Most days I can really believe 50 is the new 40, whatever good that is, but then there are days when I start thinking about my age and I can not believe I'm about to turn 50! I also can't believe my mother will be 70 or that I have a son that will be 30. And on those days I can't help it! I feel Old!
I know there is much left in my future but I also know there are things gone that I will never experience again. I know I shouldn't dwell on that but I do sometimes. There are things I wanted in life that I probably won't get. I wanted love from someone special forever. I wanted to have a daughter. I wanted to own a tiny peace of land that I could call my own & other things that are too private to mention here.
Of course I know in my heart that in life unexpected things happen and you just never know and that is what makes me keep going day after day, just to see what happens. It's like reading a really good novel and in a single page things can change JUST like that!
Today is just one of those days for me. A bit of regret, a few tears, but soon enough I'll turn the next page and everything will look different. Just Like That!
Because that is the way life is.
As I look back on the last decade of my life, the experiences were wonderful. I've learned so much that I couldn't have known in my 30's and it will be the same for the next decade I'm sure. But for today, just for today, I am going to be sad for lost time. And then tommorrow I will look forward to times to come.
4 comments:
I was having a hard time dealing with turning 30, I mean, I feel nothing like 30, more like 20. I truly believe that 30 is the new 20 and 50 is the new 40! You still have a lot of wonderful years to see some of your desires come to fruition.
Thank you Kelly, you always make me smile. Thirty didn't bother me too much but I was very busy raising kids by that time. I had lots of other things to worry about. 40 stung a little but not like 50! But I'll be ok. And yep, probably desires will come true that I didn't even know I had!
Robbin, I am sorry you are feeling this way,,,,,You know, for me, it was when I turned 30,,,,,Because at that time I wasnt married yet, I didnt have a child yet, I didnt own my own home,,,,,I felt like a failure,,,,,When we are 20, we have such GRAND dreams,,,,,I am trying to be encouraging here, not more depressing!!! =o) Anyway, Its OK!!! We have so much ahead of us!So much Life to live, so much to share! "me"
Well there you are my best friend! Ah, you know me, I'll move on but 50? I'm glad I had you to go through my 40's with! And am counting on you to be there in this next decade too! Love ya!
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