He just doesn't get it and maybe never will!

After a rough day where people were grumpy and ready to complain about everything in the world, I came home, dragging in groceries and was greeted by my son.

He: Hey!
Me: Hey, did you call back on the job lead?
He: No.
Me: Why not?
He: I just didn't, I'll call Monday.
Me: Monday is a holiday!
He: So.......I'll call Tuesday!
Me: (Speechless)
He: Well, thanks for making me feel like CRAP!


It would do no good to explain to him that maybe someone who wants the job a lot more than he does DID call today and blew them away and is probably starting first thing Tuesday morning. It would do no good to try to make him understand supporting him is breaking me and that these groceries I just spent 50 bucks on would only be a third of that if it were just me.
It would do no good to explain any of this to him because I just made HIM feel like crap!
GEEZ......will this ever end? Do I have to put him on the street? Is that how homeless people become homeless people? NOT because they have nobody to help them but simply because they don't try and help themselves?
It's a no win situation here. I could have NO peace if I thought he had no where to sleep, nothing to eat. I can have NO peace here with him living off me like this.
How did he miss the lesson that you have to support yourself? How does he justify that THIS is ok?
Well, because he is not OK. He is Bipolar big time and will not accept that fact or get help for that either. And so.....the ending to this, no matter how much I want to pretend he will be ok, the truth is.....I'm not sure he will be. I'm not sure I will be.
Tonight I am crying tears only a mother can understand. Tonight I am having to face some truths because for his own good, for my own good...he's got to get help.
How, I'm not sure.
I have nobody to turn to, they think I should just turn my back on him. I can't do that. I'm alone in this, just as I've always been with this child of mine that is no longer a child.
I'm at a lose at what to do.
And whatever I do, it is going to HURT! Both of us.
And that's just not right or fair,
But as we all know, life ain't fair!