It hurts him to hear it, it hurts me to say it but it has to be said and it has to be heard. My heart breaks for this child of mine. This man. It's easy for those on the outside to mistake his pain for arrogance and anger. It's easy to just think he is happy to depend on other people, he is "playing" me. If that's the way they see it, I can understand that. But I can see inside his soul. I can feel his pain as vividly as if it were my own. And I am helpless in what to do. I am so helpless.
I would gladly exchange any happiness that were mine for the rest of my life to be his for the rest of his time here. I want him to know what it feels like to be independent, to be happy with who he is. I want him to realize how special he is, how kind he can be. I want him to feel loved.
He feels all alone, even though I am right here. I am not enough. I was when he was a little baby, but that was the last time I could fulfill all his needs. Now it's up to him and he doesn't know how to do it. And neither do I!
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