Saturday, September 20, 2008

Isolation


Today although I feel ok physically, my emotions are a little off. I should be used to that by now, it's like a roller coaster ride, much like the blood counts they keep up with so much. You never know when you're going to feel on top of the world or so depressed you just isolate yourself. I tend to do that anyway. But that doesn't make me feel less lonely in this or hide me from the fact that I'm all by myself, although really I am not.
But I know this too shall pass and so I go on but I've learned not to fight the feelings, I let them come. And I remind myself of how lucky I am for so many things in this. Some people at this point can't get out of bed and have so many more complications that I have not had. And I constantly have to remind myself that this is just for now. That's the hardest part as the days pass slowly and I'm cut off from so many things that had been my life. And it bothers me that I've lost that passion that was mine for sometimes the simplest things. I can't seem to find passion for anything. Can't work up enough energy to be passionate about things. And that's a sad thing. It's hard to think past this, it's hard to know I'll be me again, or will I be me again? Anyway, all these thoughts are flooding my brain today, I have too much time to think. But if nothing else I know I am strong, physically and mentally, and I can't wait for the day when I find that passion again.
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4 comments:

linda said...

dearest robbin, I hear you! sit in the sun and try to relax...start writing a book or maybe a journal is more your speed...they make some really inspiring ones...do you paint or draw? It helps to get those feelings out of paper, in other words...I wish I was there to sit nearby and encourage you that "this too shall pass"...

much love..

Rapunzel said...

Robbin, sending you warm hugs and healing energy. I have no doubt that passion will return in abundance! xoxoxo

Me Maw said...

Steroids...made me an emotional wreck when I was on them. I'll never forget the loneliness and despair I felt, all the same feelings you have described.

The passion will return...you will return again, and more than likely, you will be a better, and more improved version of yourself.At least I know that is what happened to me.

It's difficult, I know, when your world has stopped and everyone elses goes on. You can't help it and your friends and family can't help it. Just know and believe it will get better.

It helped me, Robbin, to do some little something for someone else during my misery. Like maybe sending a shut in a card or calling someone else that lives alone a call. It helped me to forget my delimna if only for a few minutes to try and relieve someone else that may be suffering ,and somehow it helped a little bit.

I have been to the place you are at, and my heart breaks for you. "Hangest thou in there"!

Forgive me if I have seemed too preachy or long winded this morning.

PS; When I took my last round of prednisone, I carried my emptyied bottle to the back yard and buried it under a tree!

Take care Robbin, Blessing Peace and all that is good may come your way today,
Memaw

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Thanks you all, all your words of encouragement mean so much to me. I've been a little better today, this is just part of it too I know.