...I am quite stubborn. It is a characteristic I've had forever, no doubt was born with. I was in fact born under the sign of the Bull if you believe in that sort of a thing and over the years it has sometimes served me well, and sometimes gotten me into a lot of trouble.
I have also for years been very independent in that I was hurt a long time ago depending on someone and learned and was determined to never really "need" anyone ever again for anything.
And so with all that said, you will understand how very hard it is for me to actually have to ask anyone for anything now.
But you see, I know I am at the point with the therapy that I now know I will not defy all odds, that I will not go through this as if nothing is going on with me, as if I can still, at the least, go to town and get my own groceries. And it saddens me greatly. But I have come to terms with it yesterday.
Although, I feel pretty good at home, sitting lots, taking lots of naps, that doesn't mean I am feeling well enough to go grocery shopping. Even though last time around this time I did do just that and had no problems. But I was told, each time is worse and the recovery time slower. Even though I was told that this kind of fatigue was not the same kind of fatigue where you can just push yourself and get whatever done you need to get done DONE. Nope, doesn't work like that.
So, stubborn me, even though my mother offered to buy my groceries, I decided I felt good enough to do it myself yesterday. WRONG was I. I got it done, but I almost didn't make it. Several times I thought about deserting my cart and just coming home, but I needed those things, and I was so close. I barely finished, barely got them to my car, barely got them inside and put away. And now I know, I have to have help.
I've lost so much in the last few months and it kills me to give up any little bit of independence, but I have to push the BULL away and ask for help.
It's a work in progress but I'm learning. Even if I have to learn the hard way, which most of my life is the way I've learned. Nothing different here accept the stakes are higher and I've got to understand that. So lesson learned.
Happy Labor Day!