Growing up, I was always told that I was "tender hearted". Or let me say they usually said "you are too tender hearted." And so I grew up thinking it wasn't a good thing and that I should try to hide this terrible character flaw. But when you're tender hearted it is not too easy to hide. It starts as a lump in your throat and then you feel your face getting hot and try as you might, those tears start to flow. I cried for reasons people didn't understand. My feelings could be hurt by just a word or a look or a gesture.
My mother would tell me I needed to toughen up or I'd never make it in this world. There were times when they (my parents) tried just laughing at me when my tears would come. Instead of making me tougher that just made me feel worse and I'd go hide in shame until all the tears came out.
I don't cry as much as I once did. Life happened and I went through some hard times like most of us do. I still get my feelings hurt, though not as easily as when I was a little girl. But I never did toughen up too much and I've made it in the world pretty well so far.
I've learned to let myself "feel". I've learned it is not a bad thing to have a tender heart. It is who I am. Do people hurt my feelings without even knowing it every single day of my life? Yep! Do I hold it against them? No, I never have done that for you see my feelings get hurt usually because I feel like I've let them down somehow in some way.
With experience in life comes wisdom and you learn to understand yourself much better. I don't think we really change but we learn to accept things and we learn how to handle situations better than maybe we once would have.
I've learned this tender heart of mine is always usually misunderstood except by a few very special people in my life who accept me as I am. And you know what? I never had to even explain it to them. For you see, when someone really and truly knows you and understands you it's not because you were able to explain yourself to them. They just know. And they never ever laugh at your tears.
2 comments:
When I was younger, my Grandma always told me I was tender-hearted. But when she said it, she didnt mean it as a bad thing! My Mom would tell me that I cried over the silliest little things,,,,Well, they werent silly to me!!! Something happened to me this week that made me cry,,,now when I think about it, it makes me mad at myself that I cried! But I cant help it,,,,,thats who I am!
yep, must be why you understand me so well.
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