Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Looking for Colors

Recently I've made a new friend here. She has supported me from the start I think of when I first lost Jonathan, or soon afterward. She checks on me faithfully, she is funny at times, she is having a hard time with medical issues and has had for sometime now. She is an Artist. Just to go to her page usually makes me feel better, whether there's a new post or not.
This morning she features a painting for her granddaughter that you just got to see. It is beautiful in so many ways, full of love and care, a project that at times she did not feel well enough to work on, but she kept going, and all I can say is it is just awesome.
My son Jonathan was an artist. We listed that on his obit as the first thing that described who he was. He never sold a painting or a drawing, his work is mostly nowhere to be found now, except his childhood drawings that I could manage to keep. Some people didn't understand why I would describe him as an Artist but that's because they didn't know. He never thought he was. If he could have learned to take his feelings, his demons, his fears, his joys, his mixed up insides and to put them on something tangible to keep, I could have shown you what an artist there was inside of him. But his concentration wasn't there for that. Plus he thought his paintings or drawings were nothing.
How wrong he was. He painted and drew constantly inside his soul. And I knew it and so therefore, he was an artist.
For a while a couple of years ago, he and I spent a lot of time together. He was crushed about his pending divorce, he was just so lost, and I bought him an easel, all kinds of charcoal pencils, water paint, oil paints, and a surfaces for him. My idea was if he could get back into it, he would maybe get some therapy from it.
He did do that for a while. And somewhere out there, those pieces exists, I hope.. When he moved on, he took them with him. None of them were returned to us and I can't say for sure he didn't destroy them, which he may have but in my heart, I like to think they are out there somewhere. Maybe someday someone will come across one and frame it and it will be special to them, even though they have no idea his story.
So, anyway thank you Linda, for sharing your work and I'm so glad you are a part of my world now. Thank you for bringing your colors in my life when I am searching for any grasp of color I can get.

9 comments:

Aisling said...

Robbin,

Linda's painting is incredible. I love the way she uses color. It has to be therapuetic and so good for the soul. I feel that way about color in the garden, or (as we've talked about) in a bowl full of beads. There is something so life affirming about surrounding oneself with color.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Good morning Aisling, I know, Color, what a wonderful thing. I think we each are full of colors and you know what, even those grays and even blacks are all part of the experience of life. I think color is truly one of the best gifts from the universe as it is found in EVERYTHING! Have a good day!

Odd Chick said...

You may be grasping for color in your world dear Robbin but you add color to our world with your beautiful posts. What you shared about your son could have been my son for many years. He is bi-polar but for the last couple of years - we have seen a drastic recovery. I know at any time his story can change and I only know of the some of the pain a parent feels as she watches her child desinegrate before her very eyes. for now we've had a resurrection. thank you for sharing with us about your son.

Tammy said...

I just love these creative women here! Bloggers are so encouraging, talented, open and brave. They all wow me!

I hope someone finds Jonathan's art and sends it to you.

Thinking of you!

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Hey Odd Chick, well thank you very much, I'm glad to add a little color for sure. My prayers will be added to your son and his life, special people, that Bipolar bunch. You have to live it to understand it for sure but even that's nothing to compared to how they themselves have to live. Talented, brillient, way too smart and articulate. Thanks for sharing with me about your son as well.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

I know it Tammy, you included just blow me away! And I am so so so lucky to just have a glimpse into each of these women's lives and it inspires me like nothing else. I'm glad we got each other!

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Oh, and Tammy, thanks for that hope about Jonathan's art work, that would be so wonderful, but I fear it is gone forever.

linda said...

dear robbin...thank you for your sweet words this morning(well, it's almost ll:30 but I am moving slow). I am bawling over what you said and am thrilled I can add something good to your life. I so hope that you find your dear son's work someday, that it makes it's journey home to you and you know what? I think it will.

I am so glad I found you too and have dear aisling to thank for that so thank you, dear aisling for bringing this sweet soul into my life!

now, I must get a move on so I can get to my doctor's clean...in other words, a shower is awaiting me and it is a MUST!

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Well, I am blessed for us finding each other from Aisling too. I wasn't sure where or how we found each other and that makes sence for sure that it would be through that connection. I hope you are in my life for a long, long, time.