Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Off to see the Wizard

I'm so excited about getting to actually get in the car and go somewhere this morning which is really nuts considering where I've got to go. It's a big door inside the hospital that has the words "Oncology Department" on it. It's not a door that I think anyone would really like to go willingly, yet here I am, excited to see people. Excited to see my two nurses, and even the grouchy, unsmiling receptionist that works there. Excited to see my young Dr. who looks like he might be 30 but he is bald, shiny bald, and that strikes me as funny considering most of his patients are too, me included. I'm excited to see those vampires at the lab who never ever hurt me and know just how to draw the blood without causing me to want to scream.

Yep, I think I've lost it, but being stuck at home all week has made me a little stark crazy. Which in itself will strike the people who know me for real quite funny as they know I'm quite a loner and at any other time in my life would be quite content to stay home, alone, for a week.

Things are different, not normal for me, whatever that is now. My thoughts drift to places I don't want to go when I'm alone, and so I'd rather be listening to other people's talk, to their problems. I want to be where things are going on, even if it is a busy hospital, watching people do their jobs, even hooking me up to a drip of meds that affect my body in ways I've just begun to understand.

Would I rather be getting ready to go on a nice vacation to the beach? Would I rather be catching a plane to Washington? Would I rather be going on a picnic or the zoo? YOU bet, but I'll take what I got for the moment. It's called acceptance and if nothing else in the last few months I've learned a lot about that word. This is my world at the moment, and you know what? I'm able to walk on my two legs into that place, I've got a cute hat to cover my bald head, I've got family and friends that support me, and I am alive!

So, wish me luck, I'm hoping my blood count is good so we don't put this treatment off, I want them to happen and be over. I'm hoping all goes as well with this treatment as the one before and maybe, just maybe, this chemo is destroying what it is intended to destroy. And that I will accept gladly.

Have a good day!


Rapunzel said...

Sending good thoughts and hugs this morning, Robbin. I completely understand what you mean, being alone with those wicked thoughts is not a good thing. Wish I lived nearby so I could scoop you up and take you out for a bit, even just for an ice cream cone! Wouldn't that be fun? :-)

I'll be waiting for updates later..


Aisling said...

Robbin, I'm sending strong, high white blood cell count, postive healing vibes to you. I know they'll take good care of you there today.

love and hugs,

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

That's funny Rapunzel, you must have been inside my mind this morning because I almost posted I might just stop on the way home for an ice cream cone! I wish you lived closer too, we'd do that!
Thanks for stopping by and I'll update as soon as I can.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Thank you Aisling, that's what we need White Blood Cells. I do want to talk to him about my kidneys and want him to make sure they are doing ok. I feel like my immune system is up to par, especially these last few days but my kidneys are struggling I think, we shall see.

Sage said...

Robbin, I'm praying for lots and lots of white blood cells and for healthy kidneys. I just may stop at Cold Stone Creamery today and get a coffee flavored dish of ice cream in your honor!

Seriously, I do pray that all goes well today. Yes, we need for you to be healthy enough to do the treatment so you can get this over with and get on with your life and your move to Washington.

Do keep us posted on your doctor visit as we're all waiting to hear the GOOD NEWS! And I insist that it be good news!

Hugs across the miles

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Hey Marge, thanks for the wonderful send off to see the Wizard, I'm going to get through this for sure and wear my ruby slippers to Washington.
Love ya bunches,
and have yourself a good day and yes, have that ice cream for me!

Mary said...

I'm late getting around today. I hope everything went well today. You certainly have a wonderful attitude which puts you in a very good place. Thinking of you.

linda said...

oh, I am always so late getting myself over here...I don't wake up til noon because I don't sleep or I sleep too hard because of meds...ugh..so about you, I am hoping all goes well, your kidneys are up to snuff and you can go ahead with your treatment! onward and upward to washington:)

please let us know when you feel up to it!


Grace said...

Oh, Robbin..I hope everything turns out perfectly for you today!

Isn't it funny how a word that sounds so 'simple', can be so hard to implement?? ACCEPTING WHAT IS...is, I believe, the foundation for inner peace.

It doesn't mean that we have to wish they'd stay the same...but it does me we stop fighting reality.

And - like Byron Katie says - when we fight against reality, we lose...but only 100% of the time! lol


Chellie said...

Thought of you lots today. Hoping the second treatment went okay and that you had a good time "socializing" you silly girl!!!

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Dear Mary, I promised myself when I first heard that dreaded C word that I'd face it with as much courage as I can muster, so far so good. And with all you guys checking on me, offering me prayers and hope and encouragment and so much more, I feel like I got a whole army beside me. Thanks, I had a long day and a few changes in the plan which I will blog in the morning. Sweet dreams for now.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Hey Linda, you sleep when you can whenever that is. I had a long day but a good one and I'm feeling good, I'll blog about it in the morning,
Thanks for checking on me.
Love ya!

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Oh hi Grace, so nice to see you here. I love that quote, very true, lol. I've had to accept a lot lately and the only way I can figure out how to do it is head on. Thanks so much for stopping by. I hope your day was good.