Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Off to see the Wizard
I'm so excited about getting to actually get in the car and go somewhere this morning which is really nuts considering where I've got to go. It's a big door inside the hospital that has the words "Oncology Department" on it. It's not a door that I think anyone would really like to go willingly, yet here I am, excited to see people. Excited to see my two nurses, and even the grouchy, unsmiling receptionist that works there. Excited to see my young Dr. who looks like he might be 30 but he is bald, shiny bald, and that strikes me as funny considering most of his patients are too, me included. I'm excited to see those vampires at the lab who never ever hurt me and know just how to draw the blood without causing me to want to scream.
Yep, I think I've lost it, but being stuck at home all week has made me a little stark crazy. Which in itself will strike the people who know me for real quite funny as they know I'm quite a loner and at any other time in my life would be quite content to stay home, alone, for a week.
Things are different, not normal for me, whatever that is now. My thoughts drift to places I don't want to go when I'm alone, and so I'd rather be listening to other people's talk, to their problems. I want to be where things are going on, even if it is a busy hospital, watching people do their jobs, even hooking me up to a drip of meds that affect my body in ways I've just begun to understand.
Would I rather be getting ready to go on a nice vacation to the beach? Would I rather be catching a plane to Washington? Would I rather be going on a picnic or the zoo? YOU bet, but I'll take what I got for the moment. It's called acceptance and if nothing else in the last few months I've learned a lot about that word. This is my world at the moment, and you know what? I'm able to walk on my two legs into that place, I've got a cute hat to cover my bald head, I've got family and friends that support me, and I am alive!
So, wish me luck, I'm hoping my blood count is good so we don't put this treatment off, I want them to happen and be over. I'm hoping all goes as well with this treatment as the one before and maybe, just maybe, this chemo is destroying what it is intended to destroy. And that I will accept gladly.
Have a good day!