Sunday, June 22, 2008

Conversations, Pizza, & Strength

Yesterday, while almost all the town had their minds on Watermelons, (it is our town's glory, the watermelon, and yesterday was the parade and other various things that go on in a little town's festivals) we at the Vision Center had few customers. No one much interested in buying glasses. And though we had other things to keep us busy, the three of us that worked spent most of the day talking, sharing problems and with me catching up with things that had gone on with them while I was gone.

Our doctor left a little earlier than usual and so we decided to order a pizza and we ate and talked and listened to each other. They listened to me talk about things that have happened to me, they listened to me talk about Jonathan. I've talked so much to different people in my life, I forget who I've told what and my conversations start off with,
"Please stop me if I've told you this before".

They never do, but I do think I've repeated things over to some of the same people. They both told me yesterday how they are awed at my strength and how well I'm doing. One of them told me that I'm an inspiration to her because when she starts feeling sorry for herself lately about the problems she faces in her life, she thinks of what I'm dealing with and it helps her to move on.

I'm always a little taken aback when people say this to me. Because I don't feel strong at all. In many ways I feel like I'm in a dream and every step I take is guided by a force that is very strong. And yes, that would of course be God.

I was raised in church, I attended Sunday school. I took my children to Sunday school, I was a Sunday school teacher. I am in the Bible belt, but the way I believe is a little different, but yet the same. It is private, I don't share my thoughts on this subject with many because here you are ridiculed if you think differently.

My beliefs didn't just come to me, I didn't make them up as I went along. I started a journey to figure it out when I was in my thirties because what I'd been taught and what I felt was right became so confusing that I had to figure out where I stood.

And when I got it all clear in my mind because of certain things that led me there, I went with it. And this force, this thing greater than I believe our minds are even capable of grasping is what is leading me, and I am following it with the faith of a child.

Some people think because I don't attend church or talk about God much or my beliefs, that I am just a wayward soul, lost to God and prayer and a higher being. They are wrong of course, but I never try to correct them. My thoughts are private on these things, between me and my creator.

I never do that to them, I respect every one's beliefs, and if they share that with me, I am never offended or think they are wrong. You can tell the people who know for sure what is inside of them and their soul and believe it with a conviction that brings them peace and comfort for you can see it in their eyes. Some of these people attend church regularly, some of
them have never set foot in a church. You can see the people who pretend to have this peace, who want it but have yet to find it. It's in their eyes too and in their demeanor. Showing love and respect, offering help when you can, being honest and true, prayer in any form, these are goals to strive for. Striving to be the best imperfect person you can be, because we are all imperfect, we are humans, made that way on purpose, here to learn,here for each other. And to me whatever religion you are is a choice. It is what brings you comfort and strength. And not once during this whole ordeal has my beliefs felt wrong to me. In fact they have been validated in all the gifts I've been given this past week. And all those prayers going around for me, all the prayers that I am sending, those are keeping me going, this I know without a doubt.
Happy Sunday everybody.
Robbin who is filled with graditude and peace on this Sunday morning. I'm hoping the same for you.


Tammy said...

So it seems we both have a BFF. ;) You do have much to be grateful for but at the same time talk his ear off. He feels your pain and will listen all night long. HUG

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Got it Tammy, and thank you for reminding me.