Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Our Silver Lining

Due to circumstances in Jonathan's life and because he was who he was, he left with us in this world a daughter that we've not seen in eight years. It was his wish to be back in her life. She is ten years old and she'd not been a part of our lives since she was around two.
Matthew made it a point to keep in touch with her mother and I had gotten pictures, but I hadn't seen her. The week he died he and her mother had worked out a plan for them to start an email relationship first and then she was going to meet him if she wanted to.
THe woman that Jonathan married (they had recently divorced but were living together again at the time of his death) could never accept this child and he made some bad decisions concerning her that ate at his soul constantly and that he so regretted. He was so excited to be able to come back into her life, even though she was raised by another man who had even adopted her,and she does not share our name.
When he made the decision he did, to completely give up his rights to her, it of course broke mine and his brother's hearts because we loved that little girl but when Jonathan gave her up, there was no place for us. She grew up thinking her adopted father was her daddy. She knew nothing about us. But a family member(as familiy members sometimes do) on her mother's side of the family told her when she was about seven that the man she thought was her daddy was really not and so her mother had to tell her the truth. And it was her wish to meet him. A lot had to be worked out for as you can imagine and rightly so, her adopted father had a real problem with it. But because he loved his daughter he agreed to it, starting an email thing going first. Jonathan was so excited and on Amy's My Space page he wrote a few days before his death to tell Matthew about it and he said "I hope I don't mess this up".

When Jonathan died, Matthew notified this little girl's mother almost as soon as he found out and she called me and before you knew it, I was reunited with my first grandchild named Kameran and whom we call "Kammy". And now she and I are email buddies. I am taking it slow with her,she is shy and this has been so much for her to have to experience, but my heart is over joyed to have her in my life again but at the same time I am so sad that she never got to meet her daddy.

There was never a day that went by that I didn't think about this little girl and her birthday is March 17th and for the two years I've kept this blog, I've mentioned her in 2007 and 2008 on that date and sent her my love each time without explaining who I was talking about.
Her Mom wrote a beautiful poem and we asked her to read it at the memorial service and Kammy went up and stood right by her side when she read it.

Here's the poem:

When you came into my life You were alive,
so carefree,

How quckly you stole my heart
Came as a surprise to me
Though our time together was short
It was in every way well-lived
And when it was over you left me
With the best gift that you could give
I hear your laugh and I see your smile
In the most precious kind of way
Even though its not your face I see you everyday
There wasn't a day that passed me by
That I didn't think of you
And I know deep down there wasn't a day
You didn't think of us too
So every morning I'll feel your warmth
Beaming down from the skies
And every night I'll see your light
Shining through our daughter's eyes.


Sage said...

We have a son who has not seen his now 16 year old daughter for many many years because ofa divorce and remarriage. However, we have been blessed that we, her grandparents, have been allowed to see her and to have her in our lives. OH, this is so hard, isn't it? I never could have imagined the pain that divorce can cause. Our son would like to have her back in his life, but I don't think it will happen....and, yes, it is mainly his fault.

Just wanted you to know that I can feel your pain and I'm thinking of you.

Blessings on your day!

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Thank you so much Marge. For so long I couldn't mention her and now I hope I can build a relationship with her. She reminds me a of a little deer and if I rush her she'll run away so I am going very slowly so she'll move closer to me. She's not quite sure yet where I fit in her life but we'll figure it out I hope. She is just precious.

Velvet Sacks said...

My heart goes out to Kammy right now. It must be very confusing for her to find and lose a father in such a short period of time, and I'm glad you're making a connection with her. There'll no doubt be a time when she has a lot of questions about Jonathan, and it's good that she'll have you and others in his family to ask about him.

I think it speaks very well of Jonathan that his Kammy's mom wrote such a beautiful poem about him after all those years apart. He must have been really special to have touched her so deeply.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

I feel so bad for her. She and I are emailing, very simple emails about her summer and I'm trying so hard to not rush her. And yes, I was so pleased that Kammy's mother and she recently wrote me and told me that she'd be sure Kammy knows everyday how much Jonathan loved her. And she always loved Jonathan herself. He was, when not in that deep dark place that haunted him, the most thoughtful, loving person you could ever want to be around.

Tammy said...

Tissue please, so heartbreaking!