Thursday, June 26, 2008


The tooth I had pulled today was determined it was staying and so although I'm not in pain, thanks to the Darvoset, my jaw is sore and I feel like I've been punched. He had to really work at getting that sucker out. It was rough but I went to work and worked the rest of the day with no problems.
I must be going through the Anger stage of grief, because I'm....well, I'm just pissed. Not even particularly at anyone or anything, I'm just MAD. And I don't usually get that way.

So, I picked a branch of Honeysuckle, it always makes me smile and brought it into the house with me. I tried to write a Haiku to go with the picture, but no poetry in my soul tonight. But then again I am drugged.

I am just MAD! And maybe there are things and people in particular that I'm mad at.
And maybe I am mad at Jonathan, I don't know. I'm mad with Cancer, I'm mad with my Aunt Ellen who I guess thought she was helping me when she emails me and tells me even if they tell me this can't be cured to continue my plans to move. HUH? Does she know something I don't know, I mean Cancer is scary for sure but I wasn't thinking in terms of not being cured.

I'm mad cause my jaw hurts, I'm mad cause I'm not in Washington now. I'm mad because I can't spell. I just am MAD!

I'm mad because Saturday is Jonathan's birthday and now when I think of his birth, I have to think of his death as well. I'm mad because I'm mad!

I'm just angry. I need to scream and shout and beat something up.

So, just ignore me tonight, I'll be ok. I'm going to bed and maybe I'll have sweet dreams filled with Honeysuckle smells and not wake up MAD. But for right now, that's what I am. And so I'll go with it.


amy said...

Well, it's okay to be mad. Sometimes anger is the force that is needed to create action. And sometimes you just have to roll with the anger to cleanse that part of your spirit. Still, it's not a fun place to be, and I hope you're days get better. Tomorrow I hope for a happy day for you, filled with sunshine and positive events.
Oh, and I think you picked that honeysuckle for me. I'd give anything for the real thing right now. I've got a honeysuckle scented oil thing plugged into the wall, a giant yellow honeysuckle candle, and I just bought new bath gel that has honeysuckle scent in it!

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

I did think of you when I picked it. It was blooming on my drive and I didn't even get out of the car, just drove up to the vine and picked. THanks for your words, I'm on an emotional roller coaster here and I'm ready to get off but the switch seems to be stuck. So I'm just hanging on for dear life.

Sage said...

Robbin, You have every right in the world to be angry. So much has been going on in your life recently, and just going through one of those events would be enough to make someone angry, let alone having all of it going on at once. You should be angry. Yell, scream, shout, beat up your pillows, and get it out. It will help. As you mentioned, anger is one of the stages of grief, and it needs to be gone through before you can begin to heal. But it's scary, isn't it.

And there is no doubt in my mind that you will heal from your latest cancer scare. You are a fighter, you are a survivor, you are a winner, and you, with God's help, will come out on top.

Sending loving thoughts and praying for God to enfold you in His loving arms so you will be safe and will begin to heal.

Love and cyber hugs,

Tammy said...

Punch your pillow and allow yourself a good cry! You will wear yourself out and sleep like a baby.

I'll ask my BFF to embrace you extra long in his love and peace. XXOO

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Marge, anger is not a natural feeling for me at all, I ususally get my feelings hurt but I don't usually get MAD, so it is hard.
Thanks you for your inspiration as always, and YEP, I'm getting over this because I have a plan in sight and I plan to see it happen!

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Thank you Tammy, so far that BFF of yours is holding me up and keeping me functioning and letting me know in all kinds of ways that he is there.
I do need to punch something for sure.