I woke up this morning, after having a few really good days, with those thoughts again of "what if", " We've all have those thoughts and it has usually been me who has said, "NO!" we are not going there but I have some real "What ifs" and though I know it is not healthy thinking or productive thinking, the question still haunts me. I had it all, I thought straight in my head until I visited my mother yesterday and she'd been to church and now she is questioning where his soul his because of the suicide. And I won't go there on this blog because everyone has their own beliefs and I have mine and I was at peace with mine but she is not. And I really can't take it from her.
I know she hurts badly, and my stepfather grieves in silence and he just doesn't talk and she needs someone to talk to and I think she is going to talk to a paster that she likes (not the one from her own church which is a whole other subject). I hope she will but the problem is I can't hear what conclusion she comes to because it will not be how I've accepted it, what brings me peace.
Sixteen Days ago I lost a part of my heart. Sixteen Days ago I became someone I don't really know too well yet but I know one thing, I am not worried about that sweet child's soul. He is safe and in peace and he is right where he should be and I don't need anyone to assure me of that.