As much as I dreaded going back to work, it seems to be helping me so much. Right now it probably has something to do with putting things into perspective. Your mind works over time when there is a death of a someone you've loved, someone who was a part of you, and it makes you realize what matters in life and what is really nothing at all to stress about.
It makes you rethink everything you thought you understood. It makes you feel compassion for complete strangers, because you know they too have probably at some point felt your pain, or you know at some time in their lives that they will. None of us can escape that. And it makes you remember how very fragile life can be. IT makes me try and take this pain I have that hurts so badly and convert it to something that will help me have a better understanding for my fellow humans.
Nobody knows better than I how stressful it is to live from paycheck to paycheck but money is just money. If you lose your home, your vehicles, your worldly possessions it is hard, but if you lose a person, a child, a parent, a grandparent, a friend, then you know that you'd trade all of those things in a heartbeat just to have them back with you.
Death reminds us to appreciate the living. For me personally, the world's biggest introvert, it has reminded me that I need people. I need to remember that we are all connected, our stories are different but our beginnings and our ends are always the same. It's the time in between the beginning and the end that is important. We celebrate births and we grieve deaths and I'm thinking, no matter how hard life gets on this earth, how painful the things we face each day are, there is a gift given to us every day. Some people see those gifts, some people don't. They are hidden in every living thing , in the sunset, the rising of a full moon, the laughter of a child.
For me, now, it is that beauty I seek out every moment. I have a great respect for every one's religion and beliefs and through my own beliefs, which I've known were the right ones for me for sometime now, I am glad to say they have not let me down. The faith I have in nature proves truer to me now than ever before.
The trust I've put in the whole of the universe, the true balance that I believe is the answer to all things have made me understand that this is my journey, this is my life and though I had to let go of a precious person that was my son, he is among those gifts given to me each day, he is here, he is there, he is in my heart, he is just where he is suppose to be. He is just where my creator has planned for him to be. And now, knowing he is safe, knowing he is a part of all that I hold sacred in this world, I can move on to appreciate the living and remind them everyday how much I love them and respect them and strive to live what's left of my
"in between" without hurting anyone and without selfishness. And to remember how lonely life can be if you don't let people "in" sometimes.
These are just my thoughts today on this path I am walking.