Wednesday, June 18, 2008


As much as I dreaded going back to work, it seems to be helping me so much. Right now it probably has something to do with putting things into perspective. Your mind works over time when there is a death of a someone you've loved, someone who was a part of you, and it makes you realize what matters in life and what is really nothing at all to stress about.

It makes you rethink everything you thought you understood. It makes you feel compassion for complete strangers, because you know they too have probably at some point felt your pain, or you know at some time in their lives that they will. None of us can escape that. And it makes you remember how very fragile life can be. IT makes me try and take this pain I have that hurts so badly and convert it to something that will help me have a better understanding for my fellow humans.

Nobody knows better than I how stressful it is to live from paycheck to paycheck but money is just money. If you lose your home, your vehicles, your worldly possessions it is hard, but if you lose a person, a child, a parent, a grandparent, a friend, then you know that you'd trade all of those things in a heartbeat just to have them back with you.

Death reminds us to appreciate the living. For me personally, the world's biggest introvert, it has reminded me that I need people. I need to remember that we are all connected, our stories are different but our beginnings and our ends are always the same. It's the time in between the beginning and the end that is important. We celebrate births and we grieve deaths and I'm thinking, no matter how hard life gets on this earth, how painful the things we face each day are, there is a gift given to us every day. Some people see those gifts, some people don't. They are hidden in every living thing , in the sunset, the rising of a full moon, the laughter of a child.

For me, now, it is that beauty I seek out every moment. I have a great respect for every one's religion and beliefs and through my own beliefs, which I've known were the right ones for me for sometime now, I am glad to say they have not let me down. The faith I have in nature proves truer to me now than ever before.

The trust I've put in the whole of the universe, the true balance that I believe is the answer to all things have made me understand that this is my journey, this is my life and though I had to let go of a precious person that was my son, he is among those gifts given to me each day, he is here, he is there, he is in my heart, he is just where he is suppose to be. He is just where my creator has planned for him to be. And now, knowing he is safe, knowing he is a part of all that I hold sacred in this world, I can move on to appreciate the living and remind them everyday how much I love them and respect them and strive to live what's left of my
"in between" without hurting anyone and without selfishness. And to remember how lonely life can be if you don't let people "in" sometimes.
These are just my thoughts today on this path I am walking.


Grace said...

Hello, Robbin :)

I've just had a chance to do some catching up here after being out of pocket (blogwise) for a week or so. This post in particular brought tears to my eyes as I could feel the strength of your spirit coming through your words. Regardless of 'how' we acquire the painful experiences in life, WHAT we do with that pain is what ultimately will determine our futures.

And possibly the future of others.

What an amazing journey this thing called physical life is, isn't it?

Sending you a big hug today. I know we are strangers for the most part, but you've definitely snagged a place in my heart with your courage...your transparency...and your truth.

Oh..and btw...those dreams you're having? they don't feel like regular dreams at all......more like visits.


Memaw's memories said...

What a wonderful outlook you have on life. I hear no blame in your words for anything you've faced these last months and weeks.

I am amazed at how strong you are. I fear I'd be a crumpled heap in the corner.

I'm glad things are going well back at work, and that you and Sweetie are keeping busy.

I hope you are having a great day.

GreenishLady said...

Dear Robbin, I want to echo what the first two visitors to this post have said. I find myself awestruck at your thoughts and your attitude. The beauty of what you say here ... I cannot really say what emotion it has stirred in me, but it touches me really deeply. I am so glad you had that beautiful day today, and the visitations from wonderful creatures. These things are blessings. I think you are being blessed because you don't seem to be fighting against your experiences, but to be going with them, hard as they are. Thank you for sharing your journey.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Grace, thank you for visiting me. I know we're strangers but I don't feel like it. And YES, those dreams, like nothing I've ever experienced before. Every time I read that last sentence you wrote I get chills because you know, don't you?

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Hey Shirley, my friend. I don't feel very strong at times, but I know enough about myself that pouring out my raw feelings here helps me. And I have two choices you know, I can give up or I can face this head on with grace and as much strength as I can muster.
And I spent one whole afternoon last week, here, alone blaming everyone from myself to Moses, but once I let that go, it was gone.
Thank you, for walking this walk with me. And don't foget to get those books I told you about! You'll love them.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Imelda, I am sharing with you this here as I'm afraid if I blogged it people would think I'm making this stuff up. This morning my mother and I were leaving her yard to walk down the road to the mailbox and a baby dear came running around the shrubs straight toward us. Before he made a swift turn he was so close, I could have touched his head. It was amazing. See, a gift.
I am thankful for your friendship, and your words always comfort me. And thank YOU for walking with me during this very strange, sometimes dark road. You are a gift as well. Thank you.

Aisling said...

There is so much truth, beauty and wisdom in what you wrote here.


Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Aisling, remember back last spring when I was fighting turning 50 so hard? I blogged about my dear friend telling me I would gain wisdom at this age? Well, I don't think he meant for me to gain it quite this way but there is something to say for living through things and gaining wisdom and it is my truth for sure. Plain and simple. Thank you so much for being my friend through thick and thin. I always know you are listening and you mean so very much to me.

linda said...

I am so glad I passed by today...I was fretting about health issues, fretting about my lawn all dying, fretting about EVERYTHING and after reading this, I am going to go tell my hubby I love him.

thank you. linda

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Well Linda, I'm glad you passed by too. Give him an extra long hug too! Come back anytime.

Becca said...

Robbin, I've been catching up on your week, which has been a busy one! Your words and outlook inspire me so much - thanks for lifting my spirits and reminding me to look for the beauty around me. It's there, just sometimes hard to see.

Blessings to you...

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Hey Becca, thanks for coming and for letting me know that. There will be days when I have to look for that beauty hard but lately that gift has jumped up into my arms. And I've welcomed each one with appreciation for sure.